Do i stay or do i go?

[baggysenior]

hi!! my husband left me 15 months ago when our first child was 11 weeks old. Two months ago i met a lovely man who i immediately clicked with. My problem is he does not want any more children (definately, hes already got 3 with ex wife and hes had the snip also) and he doesnt celebrate birthdays, christmas, easter .... any occasions. He says he would like a future with me but a) i'm 32 and had hoped for more children, b) i don't know how i feel about a future with a man who wouldn't participate in celebrations, more so for my daughters sake. I know its relatively soon to be thinking about these things but i don't want to lead him on.
I would have liked more children but its not the end of the world if i dont. I think i'm falling in love with him, so i don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face. What should i do? stay or cut my losses?
Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

[obNOXious]

Ask him why he doesn't celebrate anything is a good start. If it's important to you and to your child to celebrate things then he should be prepared to give some on the subject, or to at least not be a killjoy if you two do.
My ex was jewish and didn't obviously celebrate christmas, but I did having been brought up a catholic, and our kids either did or didn't celebrate these things as the fancy took them, because we both acknowledged that we had differeing beliefs. If he really is Mr Right then it'll come good, if he's so inflexible that he won't budge on what is a reasonably small point then I think you have to ask yourself why.

[happyone2]

What you dont know is if he REALLY doesnt celebrate these things and feels so strongly that he for instance always offers to work on Xmas Day so that other colleagues can be off ( if this isnt appropriate i think you know what i mean !!)

the possible scenarios i wonder about are :

1) is he worried that at xmas you will want him to be with you when he is duty bound to do something with his 3 kids and doesnt want the hassle so is preparing you

2) is this a religious thing ??

3) could he possibly be saying this to see what it does to you ?? i get the feel that you are a warm person and possibly he is cooler ???

have you seen how he is with his own kids ?? does he REALLY not give them cards etc..........and if he doesnt is he generous with them in other ways and at other times..........

I dont know that i think 2 months is time enough to be even thinking about your long term future.................. you hardly know him surely ???? i suppose im wondering if you are rushing things ??

why not wait and just watch and see what comes out of the woodwork - why be in a rush to make a decision......................... he might be scared, he might be wary and it might be too soon for you ??

not wanting kids i can understand................... but really is that so important ?? i struggle with that one................. isnt love enough ( im genuinely asking here cos i think if he is the right bloke it wouldnt really matter cos you have had one already..................... which reinforces my idea you dont know him well enough??)

Relax - go with the flow - you arent leading him on although if you are telling him you love him i wonder about that ??

look at you not him.............

good luck

[baggysenior]

thanks very much for your answers, you are very helpful. I've not told him i love him so all is well!! i think i'll wait and see, thanks again xx

[Panic Button]

You may think you are falling in love with him, but after he has ignored your birthday and that of your daughter a few times, you fall out of love with him.

[waterboatman]

Your first duty and consideration is to your daughter. If this man is so inflexible I don't think you have a future with him without hurting your daughter. But it's your choice.

[waterboatman]

Your first duty and consideration is to your daughter. You make it sound as if he wants you to abandon your daughter. If you do, you will regret it. Also you say you want more children, that will also lead to heartache. If this man is so inflexible I don't think you have a future with him without hurting your daughter and being hurt yourself. But it's your choice.

[lil123]

I think if you are to be happy and that means having more children, you need to sit down and talk to him about it.
If it transpires he doesn't then I think you need to re focus and maybe accept he's not right for you.
I'm having issues with a guy I met who is 10 years younger than me. I want another child as I'm nearly 40 I can't waste much time on someone who doesn't.
He has made it clear he doesn'y want commitment or responsibility so I am now thinking of ending it with him.
Life is too short to be unhappy and after what I went through with my ex husband I never wnat to feel lkie that again x