Am I being paranoid

[homegirl]

I think my hubby is seeing someone else. He started a new job nightshift and after a year he started coming in and his shirts were reeking of perfume. He said it must be from one of the woman who wears too much to work. He then started only using his mobile when he was out of the house, he says he can,t send text messsages yet the bill for the phone shows that he has sent mesages to the same number. He has also phoned this womans house from the pub at night when he was out. I know this cos she stays near his work and it is a different dial code. He has started to come home later in the mornings saying he has extra work to do. When I confronted him and asked if he was seeing anyone he denied it and says him and this woman are just good friends. I,m driving myself crazy, We have been married 25 years, he did stray in the past but it was a long time ago. don,t really have anyone I can talk to about this so would appreciate your opinions.

[Buenchico]

OK, I admit I'm a fella', in his fifties, who knows next to nothing about relationships, so I might not be the best person to answer this.

But I do know that working next to someone who wears perfume (even if they're drenched in the stuff) is unlikely to leave more than the slightest traces of perfume (if any at all) on your clothes. The only way that the odour could be marked would be if there was contact between two people's clothing (or, of course, their bodies). If the scent was only noticeable on a single occasion it could have been present through nothing more than an innocent cuddle, while (for example) people were 'larking about' at work. But if the scent was there on a regular basis it would seem likely that there was more intimate contact taking place.

That's probably not what you wanted to hear, and it's a rather 'forensic' answer (rather than a 'caring' one) but you asked for opinions, and that's how I see it.

Chris

[pinktwink]

the only way to find out is confront either him, this woman or both with your view and the reasons. Ring the number that shows on his mobile to see who answers. Could you wait for him after work and see where he goes when he finishes.

Best approach is talk to him calmly

[poltergeist]

Its always very easy to jump to conclusions. It could be something far more simple such as he stops to see an Escort on the way home or he may be a cross dresser and goes out to gay clubs all night. Try have some trust.

[pinktwink]

well i wouldnt be happy if my partner of 12 never mind 25 years started seeing an escort agency or visited a gay club without talking to me. Dont think i would be very trusting there

[Ice.Maiden]

Chris is right about the perfume smell. Either someone sprayed some near to him, and he got the residue on his clothing, or there was some closer contact.
However homegirl, not being funny, but he might be going through a midlife crisis, and flattered by someone attentions.
All the signs look bad, because you appear to be looking for them, but it may be nothing more than a desire to have some contact with this person because she makes him feel "young" again, or they have work connections in common.
Personally, I'd phone or text her & tell her to get a more expensive perfume next time - then give your husband a month to wean himself off her and to show you how much you mean to him. If he won't - take him to the cleaners!

[homegirl]

thank you all so much, I think I feel better just being able to talk to someone about it, this is the reason i,m up this late i haven,t been able to sleep thinking about it. Buenchico your answer echoed my own thoughts and when I told him this was the only way he could get perfume on his shirts he then said that another girl at work sprays perfume on herself 3 or 4 times a night., which contradicted his first answer.

[homegirl]

Thanks pinktwink I cant get to his work as I dont drive and it is too far for buses, and I dont know what I would say if I did phone her. Hope I am using these boxes right to reply I haven,t posted before.

[homegirl]

sorry pintwink should have explained better. I know these numbers are for the 2 woman at his work cos he put them into his phone when he just started working there, but now when he phones them he is always away from the house , either in the car on his own or at his golf club. I know this because when I got the mobile bill and looked through it their numbers kept coming up, as far as i gather from previous conversation with him these 2 woman are friends at work.

[pinktwink]

think the best thing is to confront him or her in a calm manner.
do you have a friend who could follow him

[poltergeist]

Maybe you could follow him around for a say or two also?

[homegirl]

I have already confronted him pinktwink and he says there is nothing going on between them, I do have a best friend who drives and she suggested the same thing as you but that I should go with her. Thanks for taking the trouble to answer me I,m in bits even writing this. Have just taken a couple of my painkillers so I should sleep now, will post again, is post the right word to use?, tomorrow night and let you know what happens. Oh and Ice Maiden I am taking your advice on board, he,s getting 4 weeks. Thanks goodnight

[homegirl]

Poltergeist sorry forgot to say he is definetly not a cross dresser and wouldn,t pay money to an escort agency, but going by your name maybe you could follow him for me. God at least I still can laugh, thanks poltergeist, nite.

[pinktwink]

hope you feel better soon . Night night sleep well. Take it easy on th epainkillers though

[Sqad]

He is having an affair, all the signs and symptoms indicate this.

You have the following choices:
a) accept this and get on with life, as it almost certainly will "fizzle out."

b) Say that you don't believe him and that either he moves out or you do and ask for a divorce.

[Bbbananas]

Its always very easy to jump to conclusions. It could be something far more simple such as he stops to see an Escort on the way home or he may be a cross dresser and goes out to gay clubs all night. Try have some trust.

How reassuring of you polt !! Homegirl must be feeling much better now.

[tamborine]

wot a generous hubby - gives you lots of time to yourself to 'please yourself'!

Dont delve into his life further but expand your own, without him......lots of lovely 'new' models to be had ;)

[shelby45]

Get hold of his fone and change the actual womans number to your own - so when he calls or texts he will think he is texing her but actually, he is texting you. You can keep it going by texting back. The thing is, nobody really knows all their friends numbers off by heart and when a text comes through, you normally just read the name and not the whole number. I have done this in the past to an old boyfriend that I suspected, and BINGO!!! I was absolutely right!!
Anyway, what sort of work does he do? Does it warrant a colleague dousing herself in perfume every five minutes Paaaahleeeeeeeese!!!!
Hope this helps!

[Sqad]

tambo.....excellent advice.

[4getmenot]

If you say you've been married 25yrs isnt it about time he grew up and wasdnt down the pub all the time. No man his age has a woman just as a friend to hang out with like he's a teenager. Sorry but have to agree with sqad.