What next cont....

[katy77]

When I question him about other woman at work (and I do go on about it alot) he just does not speak and shuts his eyes and ignores me, this makes me go on and on and on then he will lash out at me. He has done this twice in the last month he has put his hands round my neck, bruised my leg by kicking it and twisted my arm. He says I drive him to it and whilst most days he tells me he loves me at these points he sayd he hates me and I am the only woman he could slap. He says he has never been violent before (and he never has been with me previously to me) and I drive him to it. I feel hurt and lonely I think I have been incredibly supportive and I feel rather than making me feel wanted he vents his anger at me...he also says its his house(whcih it is) and tells me to F**k off and leave him alone. He says he will keep the baby and I need to see a doctor and get my head tested. Normally things are good between us I love him, he says he loves me and we have fun. He says I am his everything so why this it is going to ruin us.

[redcrx]

I think that you know what people are going to say here.

Why stay with a man who you dont trust and who is violent towards you? Can you not see that youre not driving him to it as he so nicely puts it. Hes a bully and cant control his temper.

What if his outbursts are directed at your child at some point?

Dont worry about his threats to keep the baby, its highly unlikely that he could remove the child from you.

Can you speak to a close friend or family member? perhaps move out for a while until you can sort things out.

[katy77]

Thank you and you are right - Thing is my family think he is the best thing ever and I would never dream of telling anyone what has happened because of this. I just want him to be how he used to be..I feel the stress at work is making him like this. I would have no where to go if I moved out...If he could understand this behaviour is not right and I have done nothing to deserve this. He would never hurt his child like he said it is only me that he wants to slap!

[ummmm]

You're driving him to breaking point. Although I would never condone hitting, I wouldn't push someone that far.

[redcrx]

Im sure at one point you may have thought he could never hurt you. Kids are hard work and they do try even the patience of a saint at times.

Your family may think hes wonderful but thats because they dont know whats happening, do they.

Please please please speak to someone in person, get advice rather than just from us on here.

What would your advice be if it was your friend telling you this about her partner?

I really thing that this guy needs to be shown what he is risking.

[ummmm]

Didn't see your other post.

Don't know what say really...you made your bed!!

Harsh but true.

[redcrx]

having just searched through answerbank i can see that you posted before. It seems as if you were confused about the relationship when pregnant too.

Is there a reason why your first child lives with the father? Is this what is scaring you into staying put?

There are enough places to seek help out there. why not call refuge for advice http://www.refuge.org.uk/

[katy77]

Yes absoltely I dont want to have two children with two different men. My 1st child lives with their Dad because I was working usociable hours with my now partner. I had a very senior role and pressure was put on me....I guess thats how we got together we spent so much time together. My then husband said he would rather he looked after our child than me have a nanny or other person. I had to work i earnt more money than my husband and lost out because of it. My now partner earns enough to keep us in a very comfortable lifestyle and me to stay at home.I dont want to make the same mistakes...however he would not be prepared to take on my 1st child.

[redcrx]

You need to put yourself and your child / childrens wellbeing first. If you feel that your first child is better off as things are then fine, but also think about your 2nd child and what they may be witness to as they grow up.

we all get stressed, but to lash out on loved ones in such a way is cruel, not only to them but to anyone who has to witness it.

you need to make your guy stop and think about what he truly wants. If its you and your child then he has to change. If he cant then you need to decide if your happy to be assaulted when hes stressed and for your child to grow up in that enviroment, or whether you are going to make a stand and leave.

[katy77]

Thanks redcrx - it does bother me. My children are important and they dont deserve this. I guess I will have to make some important decisions but you hit the nail on the head he is a bully and I have told him that so many times.

[ummmm]

I think he's made it pretty clear what he wants Red. He wants her to stop nagging him because it's making him snap.

I wouldn't dream of being with a man who wouldn't take on my child/children.

[redcrx]

no ummm, but thats probably a different post :)

katy, no point in just telling him hes a bully is there. He still continues and ignores you. he needs to see what he is about to lose. What youre doing at the moment is an empty threat. Hes controlling you and thinks that he can get away with it.

[andy-hughes]

This relationship is poisonous and only a combination of pride and fear of the future are holding you to it.

Walk away now, before he really hurt you, or your baby.

I think you already know that this is not going to work - you may love him, but it is patently obvious that he does not love you.

"You drive me to it ..." is the classic abuser's line - often followed by "She drove me to it ..." when they are being led away to start a life sentence.

Walk.

Today.

[lil75]

Yo are crying out for attention and to feel worth while and quite frankly he is ignoring this, he doesnt see your behaviour for what it is, he doesnt take the time to sit n wonder why your acting in the way that you are - instead he just finds it annoying, resulting in arguements.

He sounds very selfish and ignorant to your needs, the queston is, do you think he will change? You sound deeply unhappy and lonely, maybe you should show him this post, that should give him the kick up the backside that he clearly needs

[lil75]

Ive just seen one of yur replies, stating that he would not be prepared to take on your 1st child!!!!!

Outragous, He would be shown the door by me, I wouldnt want to even be near anyone that treated my child in such a manner....disgusting

[brenda]

Agree
with A ndy so much -- he is absolutely spot on believe me.

Walk away now before you get really hurt.

good luck Brenda.

[sophie_1003]

He doesn't sound like a very nice person, you basically have the full time job of looking after the baby and he's not being very supportive of how difficult this can be, instead expecting you to look after him too. It sounds like he wants a Stepford Wife who keeps the house clean and doesn't talk to him when he gets in from his stressful day at work (never mind the fact that your days been stressful too). Talk to somebody in your family about it and they will support you over him no matter how great they think he is.