standing up for yourself

[turnoffstartagain]

i have been told by previous work colleagues, i need to toughen up / find my voice / stand my ground more.

I get the feeling more and more in todays society that you have to be a bit gobby to get anywhere! people are forever insinuating that i am a pushover and will not stand my ground in an argument which is partly true as im very calm and try to avoid confrontation

its this thats the problem though, the more i avoid, the more bullied try and goad you itno getting intop an argument

I just want to go to work do my job with minimum fuss and go home happy ---- yet some people just have to moan, whinge and nag until they get one over on you

Do i have to adjuust my personality? when people tell me to notice whats going one its like they are telling me to smell the coffee and wake up to being treated like a mug, which any friend would do i suppose -------but whys it always me, im there, im coherent, i can hear, see and speak, yet whenever theres talking going or any kind of argument, I cannot get a word in edgeways, whereas others seem to go on forever!!!

Thanks

[tamborine]

Concentrate and do your work - that's what you're paid for and that's why you're there. If these ppl dont pay you ignore them!

[tamborine]

the Q'ner wants to do the work and that's why they're there, employed and paid for. Who cares whether staff like each other so long as the work is done with the least fuss - that's what turnoffstartagain wants to do.

Me - I would stick up my fingers at those that dont pay my wages.

[Ice.Maiden]

No bullying should take place in a working environment, and employers have a duty to uphold complaints and try to see that their staff are happy.
Gbg's right, in that you don't have to be "loud" to be assertive, turnoffstartagain - phew - as there are ways of calmly putting opinions and points across without "losing it". You certainly don't have to change your personality, as you put it. The loud and forceful ones may get heard, but often spout rubbish, and you can certainly see that if they carry this manner home with them, then their relationships aren't going to be too happy!
If you don't fancy going on an assertiveness course - which are very good - then I suggest that you become a good listener, and before making a point, get your facts right. If you feel "put on" by work colleagues, you simply need to stop being ordered about, or tell them that a polite please and thank you might go a long way.
Arguments? Best to try and stay out of them, or to be able to mediate, but if you feel intimidated or bullied, you should speak to a superior about this.

[brenda]

When things kick off , stay out of it , just do your job , these people don't pay your wages , so they are no better than you are. Just keep thinking " get st8ffed ", go home and forget it--it's only a job which you are doing for the money .Your life is more precious than a whole lot of meaningless work mate rubbish. Good luck.

[China Doll]

Why have you changed your name again newslate?

You've been centred on and obsessing over this issue for the best part of a year and a half now I think... Going on that and the other posts I've seen from you, I still recommend a trip to your GP. You sound depressed and caught in a cycle of negativity. Until you address this, you will still be posting the same things about the same issues in another years time.

[redcrx]

i agree with china, newslate. Youve said you had the same problems in your previous job too and i suspect that you would have the same in any future jobs.

[cazzz1975]

you have to stop obsessing about how you come across to others , the beauty of most workplaces is that they contain a mosaic of different types of people, loudmouths, grumpies, quieter,chatty, bulls******s, meanies ect ect just like life. you mix with people that appeal to you and make you feel comfortable, happier or relaxed, the grass isnt greener, being loud,mouthy or boistrous does not make you a popular guy with the girls, besides you will not attract the right type of girl.

like china says you are in a spiral of negativity, you have to start letting go of the constant psycho analysing, you are you and there is NOTHING wrong with that, maybe you need a better environment to work in? or different colleagues that make you feel happier to be at work.

my brother (age 25 very like you in attitude) moved jobs for the same reason, he works in a smaller place with nicer people and he has flourished so much that he has joined a gym and goes out occasionally with some work friends, no girlfriend yet but he has stopped beating himself up about the fact he hasnt got one, mind you there are more single people than attached these days

[TTG]

I find the best way to deal with people that annoy you (or try to annoy you) is to ignore them. I work in a company with a lot of women. The few men there are fine until there are women in the room then it's all p*** taking and sarcasm and generally being loud. The middle-age married men are the worst...the younger ones (single or married) are fine.