Cant let go

[Jessy pie]

Im probably gonna get lynched for this so here gos. im married but have been seeing someone else for 16 months. She is thelove of my life but we hve both decided to part and move on and i am now working on saving my marrage. However its not that simple, i ant get he out of my head admy partner knows this. I think thatthe problem is that we stll see each other around town and chat etc. We agreed to stay friends with each other, because i dont see why not. Iv no reason to not speak to her. Im ery confused and emotonal because i cant be with the one peson i really love. Will i ever get over her?

[B00]

Do you love your wife more? If so, probably yes, you'll get over it eventually. Though I don't believe stopping for chats etc is particularly wise, you're just prolonging the agony.

[4getmenot]

You cant see why not, erm you just answered that yourself, because you cant get her out of your head. Fresh start move away. But I have to say that I do not think you should be with anyone else if you have someone else in your head. Can I ask why cant you be with the person you love. Waht is stopping you leaving your wife. If being with this person that you love is only thing that will make you happy then its your life live it and stop hurting others in the process.

[ummmm]

Agree with BOO....cut contact.

[4getmenot]

But if you cant have this other woman because she is taken or doesnt want you then I really dont think its fair to stay with your wife as '2nd best'

[chelle7272]

Yes agree with all above. If staying in your marriage is making you miserable why put everyone through it?
As you have made the decision to stay, you can't stay in touch with the other person.

[B00]

That's why I asked if he loved his wife more 4get?

If he does, he has to fight to keep his marriage. Sorry but I don't agree with throwing a relationship away on just a fling (love of his life? cough* bo11ocks*cough- its lust)

If he loves his wife, he has to cut this other woman out completely and actually work at his marriage.

[tamborine]

Follow your heart (dik?) 'cause your partner now feels 'less valued' by you.......you've done the damage, leave your home/family with a healthy income to sustain them.....you owe them that!

Once separated you will realise your folly and live to rue your weakness - you deserve that.

[sara3]

tambo, nicely put :o)

[4getmenot]

I dont if it was just a fling like a one night stand, but it was seeing someone for 16 months!! If he could get over her then maybe, but he cant. So agree if he stays with his wife only option is to cut all ties with other woman.

[B00]

Hear what you're saying 4get, but I'm willing to bet that in those 16 months he wasn't with this other woman for longer than 24 hours! He probably met up with her, spent an hour bonking then legged it home. That's not long enough to find out if you love someone at all- it's lust.

[4getmenot]

But if you were the wife BOO would you be able to forgive for the sake of marriage. I know I wouldnt

[B00]

I don't know to be honest 4get. I just know it can be done, and if a marriage is worth saving it should be done.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't either 4get....

[B00]

but then again, what we would or wouldn't do is neither here nor there. This guys wife seems to be able to forgive him.

[Sqad]

Simple:

3 choices:

a) Leave your wife.

b) Leave your mistress.

c) Keep your wife AND your mistress.

Your decision based on fact and emotion.

Whichever choice you make, you WILL get over it.

[sara3]

he is working on his marriage but she is not the "love of his life" and she knows it.

I wouldn't want a man who "settled" for me.

have a bit of respect for your wife. if you can't leave this other woman behind, leave your wife and let her get on with her own life. she might find someone who genuinely loves her.

[Sqad]

jessy....sorry ...misread your question.....will you get over HER?.........yes, of course you will.

[B00]

Nope sorry sara and 4get, i disagree,

I still dont believe this "love of his life" crap for starters. If she was he'd have fought tooth and nail to keep her. As it is he's trying to work on his marriage. I can only assume it's because he still loves his wife? And as such he should work at it.

[Ankou]

perhaps it would help to know why you parted from the mistress.

[Bbbananas]

I absolutely agree with sara.
You can't have your cake and eat it - it's not fair on the cake(s) to be divided up into such sections.

You will get over 'the love of your life', but then again, you will get over your wife. What you may never get over is the hurt you will undoubtedly cause - but that, I am afraid, is a fact of life.
Make a decision as to who you really want, and stick to it.

You may find though, that in time your wife will make that decision for you. It's no fun knowing you're only second best.