am i being paranoid?

[lotsafun]

hi everyone, this is a bit of a long one but ive got quite a bit to get of my chest and really need some advice/reasurrance. My partner and i have been together for 4 years and while we were dating we talked about all the usual stuff such as marriage, babies, buying a home etc, the future looked great! anyway weve bought the house, had the baby {accident but a very happy one indeed} and yet there are no signs of marriage at all. I thought he knew how much marriage means to me as we talked about it in great detail, but as i found out on news years eve he doesnt. infact i dont think he has listened to me at all. Basically to cut a looooonnnnggg story short, when a neighbour asked in ajoking manner 'when are you going to make a honest women of her M,? shes a cracking girl and you dont want to lose that one'. My partner 'M' replied with 'your having a laugh aren't you, nah thats never gonna happen, besides she dont want to do it iether'' and then turned to me and said ''do you?''. Some may say im over reacting but i felt like dying there and then, i felt like i had been punched in the chest, i could feel my cheeks burning and i honestly thought i was going to burst into tears. I feel completely crushed by what he said evnmore so that there were about 30 witnesses who heard and saw everything. and were looking at me as if they felt sorry for me, one of our guests even commented on how that was a awful way to say he was never going to marry me. But, to save his embarrassment and not make him look like a k@!b for saying that i tried so hard to put ona front and found myself agreeing with what he said and even comment on how weddings are so expensive these days and a waste of money. although the look on my face must've said how gutted i was, his siter gave me a pityful look and even came to give me a cwtch afterwards and ask if i was ok. I feel as though my dreams have been crushed.

[ummmm]

What's paranoid got to do with it?

Although I feel sorry for you I find it hard to understand, why buy a house and have a baby before getting married? If marriage meant that much to you.

[Bbbananas]

Try not to get too hung up on that one throwaway comment - it was tactless of him in front of so many people. Maybe he was just sounding you out?
You two obviously need to talk about this, in private. I can understand your embarrassment at the time, but it sounds to me it was just a bit of cool-hand-Luke male bravado at the time.

Talk to him when the moment is right.

[ummmm]

I also agree with Salla.

[RAFP]

you need to sit down and have a verrrrrrrrrrrrry long and serious talk with him. Explain the chats you both had years ago and tell him you would love to get married and explain it would be lovely for the little one to have married parents, i know its not everything these days but it would be nice for the wee one. best of luck.

[Teleph0ne]

If marriage is that important to you then talk to him, it may just be male brevado made him answer like that of he may think that you don't want to marry him and you are happy with the way things are. If you are getting on ok and everything else is ok then I don't think you have too much to worry about but you need to talk about your feelings to him.

[ummmm]

Back to my point. If marriage is so important to some people that they post on an internet forum why the hell are they having children out of wedlock?

And for anyone who doesn't know me. I have 3 kids and have never been married.

[Bbbananas]

Ummm's right - having a marriage certificate is no guarantee of anything.
If marriage means that much to you - talk to him about it. But it's not the be all and end all by any means...

[lotsafun]

i just cant understand why hes gone back on things we talked about when we first got together, i cant understand how one minute he wants the same as me and then a few years down the line decide that he doesnt. My brother just recently got engaged and i know its stupid but although i was happy for them i actually felt a bit jealous too. Thanks for your replies guys. im going to tlk to him about it, im just not sure how to bring it up. I dont want him to feel ''bullied'' into marrying me but im thinking allsorts in my head to why he doesnt want to.

[ummmm]

My approach...

So you don't want to get married now then?

Wait for the answer and take it from there. You've been with each other long enough to be direct.

[top_driver]

maybe, thats not it at all, maybe he was afraid that you would say you would never marry him, it's a tough front that some do that,, like for example you like someone but don't know if they like you,,, denny it,,, i hope that is what it is anyway,, hopefully things are for the better

[karenmac60]

He was put on the spot in front of an audience - I don't know how many times I've been asked when I'm having more children and replied that it's the last thing I want, when in reality I'd love another baby but it's not anyone elses business. Why should he have to detail his plans to friends and neighbours? If it had been me I'd have said the same thing purely cos I was embarrassed at being put on the spot. It's something private between the 2 of you and should be discussed privately. Don't take it too much to heart, sit down and talk. And if it turns out he really doesn't want to get married, it's not the end of the world. A child is a much bigger commitment to someone than a bit of paper.

[lotsafun]

i hope it was bravado Top. Ummmmm i understand what your saying in that if marriage was that importnat to me then i shouldnt of had a baby first but accidents do happen and i certainly wasnt going to terminate because of my relationship status, she was an accident but a very very happy one. ive also found it a more responsible thing to do is buy a house or certainly live together at least BEFORE getting wed anyway. you know what your getting into then lol