Am i being paranoid?

[Headless Rat]

Hi, I've been going out with my boyfriend for two years now and he never wants to come to any family weddings or get-togethers and he never invites me to any family celebrations on his side either. I would have though that after going out for two years, that that's the kind of thing we would do together. Also, it was the funeral of a granduncle of his yesterday and he told his ex about the funeral, so she came along. When we were all assembled outside the church, he went straight over to her, bypassing me, and put his arm around her. It was only after she had gone that he acknowledged me or put his arm around me. I kind of think this is all a bit wrong but I've never gone out with anyone before so maybe this is normal? It does make me wonder though. Am I just being paranoid?

[ummmm]

I wouldn't consider it normal.

[Bbbananas]

I wound't say you're paranoid - not after 2 years. There's something a bit suss - you need to ask him why & talk about it with him.

[ummmm]

It's not normal after 2 months even...

[4getmenot]

Are you sure its his ex? Do you live togather at all. Someone I know was with her bloke just over 2 years and he was very much like that. One night she asked him over and he said he was going to get an early night and was just watching tv with his mum, she had her suspisions for a while so she went to his mums house and his car was not there. He didnt even live there and had lived with his other girlfriend for past 3 years!!

[4getmenot]

have you ever been round to his family for a meal at all?

[dizmouk2009]

I'd be cautious, keep an eye on him but don't make it an obsession. If he has got something going on with his ex then he might look for any excuse to leave you - being paranoid could push him away. I've been there and I kept snooping around to see what was going on, turns out she left me for the bloke she was talking to. The best part was she blamed me for it, typical eh eh.

[society]

Sounds like he's hiding something.

[Bbbananas]

Mmm - I think so too.
Did he introduce you to any of his family at the funeral? Or did he give the excuse that funerals are not social occasions & not for trivial chit chat?

[Headless Rat]

Well we have talked about it before coz I wanted him to come to my sister's annual bbq during the Summer. There's been several occasions he has just refused to come to and, as I said, he never invites me to his family dos. Now, granted, I have met his mother and father loads of times. That's not the problem. It's just he'd never want to invite me to extended family things. Also, it really p-d me off the way he went straight over to the ex while I was left standing with his friends, as if I were one of the lads. He's like that on nights out too. It's like he has me labelled as the "ball and chain" so I can't possibly be any fun. He basically ignores me on nights out. If you didn't know either of us, you would never ever think we were together, nevermind going out 2 years. The frustrating thing is we have talked about it and I've told him how it upsets me but he just doesn;'t see my point of view at all. The thing is though that I know he'd never cheat on me. He's as honest as the day is long and there isn't a deceitful bone in his body. I'm not actually worried about him cheating on me, just the fact that he doesn't seem to want to be associated with me in front of others.

[Bbbananas]

have you no idea why he doesn't seem to want to be associated with you?
Is it a class thing?
Is he a very macho type of guy?

[snags]

''He basically ignores me on nights out. If you didn't know either of us, you would never ever think we were together, nevermind going out 2 years''

Wrong wrong wrong!

[4getmenot]

being embarrassed of you is as bad as cheating on you I would say

[mccfluff]

nice guy

[Bbbananas]

I'd seriously considering getting rid - find someone who is proud to have you by his side, not embarrassed.

[Headless Rat]

It couldn't be a class thing. I knwo he's not like that either anyway! Basically he is a really nice, thoughtful, generous, trustworthy guy. I'm not trying to paint him as a lying, cheating, deceitful B. But he does have trouble showing how he feels. He'd never tell me how he feels about me and he's said to me a couple of times how " he loves me despite my faults"!!!??? Sometimes I think it's just a lack of social skills on his part, more than nastiness, but it def doens't do the confidence any good!

[dizmouk2009]

I'd be gutted if a las did that to me, went out and just ignored me; I'd give her a slap.

[mccfluff]

he loves you despite your faults

he gets better and better, my advice get rid and don't look back

[4getmenot]

Speak to him. Did you go up to him at this funeral, how did he react? Maybe he feels the same as you didnt walk over to him

[dizmouk2009]

Totally off the topic here but what made you choose the name 'Headless Rat'?

[in a mo]

Hi Take this from someone who knows ,if you are sharing your lives together then this should mean everything ,not just the good or the bad ,it is about time after 2 years that you should speak to him ,if you leave it any longer trouble is bound to be around the corner ,it is amazing the amount of give and take that is lacking in relationships,some people are all take, take,take.
Speak to him ,why does he not want to take you with him or go with you ,Is it the way you speak ,the way you look,I bet none of these things matter when he wants you for sex .Imagine if that part of your relationship was to fail ,what would you have left.One way relationships do not work , speak now before it is to late.
I hope everything works out ,please, sort it out now, I do not want to be the one who says ,I TOLD YOU SO.

The Kindess Regards
Christopher
AKA in a mo