Sex life

mrs-astley | 09:54 Sun 24th Jan 2010 | Relationships & Dating

38 Answers

I've been with my partner for 4 years, we're both in our early 40's. Our sex lifehas never been brilliant but has now hit rock bottom. The problem is he prefers to please himself rather than make love. On average i'd say we get together once every 6 to 8 weeks but I have found out so many times that he is pleasing himself on a much more regular basis. He now admits to it and wonders himself if he has a problem. We have split up so many times and he keeps promising things will change but they don't. He is loving and affectionate and I am absolutely certain there is no one else, when we met he had a huge bag of porn which I made him throw away but I don't have a problem with porn and have bought stuff for us to share to spice up our sex life which he likes. He has turned me down so many times, yet in my job I get compliments all day from men and he says he does find me attractive and thinks I'm sexy. I just don't get it, this is crunch time, I can't live with him like this anymore.

Why Did He Bother?

Why does my Ex keep doing this???

Answers

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sara3

Best Answer

mrs-a, he is humiliating you, albeit not intentionally. he is crushing the person you are. don't you think you deserve better? if he won't go for counselling you have to make some tough decisions...

10:53 Sun 24th Jan 2010

Go To Best Answer

mrs-astley

Question Author

I'd like to hear from any men who may have an insight into how he is thinking.

China Doll

Sounds lazy and a waste of time in the bedroom department. If you can't discuss sex or try new things or really pay any attention to what your partner likes then you probably shouldn't be having sex at all... What's the bloody point after all.

Personally, it's not something I could put up with, sex and the intimacy around it is an important part of a relationship for me. However some people do and if the pros of the chap outweight this problem then maybe you need to take that in to consideration. YOu just have to decide how much his lack of sex drive is having an effect on you, whether you cna live with it and if other parts of the relationship are worth sacrificing this area as it doesn't sound like he's in a rush to change.

mrs-astley

Question Author

I've been knocked back by him so many times, I wouldn't put myself through that anymore. When he's being polite, he makes a joke of my advances. Other times he has actually told me to go away or said he can't just switch on (i thought that one was a womens excuse)

snags

'move'... the footies on! ;-p

ummmm

Go away.....bloody hell.

Have you told him how the rejection is making you feel?

Have you tried withdrawing all affection?

snags

^ Sorry... reply to the post at the bottom of previous page :-/

ummmm

I gathered that....slow coach :-)

mrs-astley

Question Author

Talking to him is not a problem, he says all the right things, like I'm sorry, I understand, it will change and maybe it does for a short time but it always goes back to this.

mrs-astley

Question Author

He wouldn't notice if I withdrew my affections.

ummmm

If it changes for a while....talk to him more often.

mrs-astley

Question Author

I have thought about if I would be prepared to live the life we have and forget about the sex and the answer is no I couldn't, Being desired by the one you love is a big part of a relationship and one i'm not prepared to compromise on.

sara3

mrs-a, he is humiliating you, albeit not intentionally. he is crushing the person you are. don't you think you deserve better? if he won't go for counselling you have to make some tough decisions...

China Doll

Then don't effing compromise and tell him to sling his hook.... I never liked that word 'compromise' anyway ;o)

And seriously, I agree.... It's a serious blow to self esteem and confidence and in my experience that type of rejection will eat away at both until you've nowt left. I hope it works out for you whatever you finally decide, I know it's easier said than done moving on. Take care.

al1623

sorry but live is not a rehersal. only get one chance at it, by the sounds of things you are wasting your days with someone that isnt really interested in you and your needs. take a long think and do what you need to do but whatever happens you need to think about yourself above all.