Do you think am being selfish and inconsiderate?

[anny89]

Am a 20 year old girl and my partner who is 40+ she refuses to buy me or let me drink publicly fearing she would get in troubles , but other than that she is fine with me drinking alone or whatever , but when we go out with her friends I get all mad sometimes because they drink heavily while I just cant. am thinking about talking to her about it but am afraid she will be in troubles somehow if she agrees.even though they never ask her at bars about my age or whatever but she just doesn't want to risk anything so she doesn't buy me any , yet I cant just sit and look at them having fun while I cant I just want to have as much fun as they are having together , its stupid ! am an adult and I want to act and be treated like one ! so do you think am selfish fighting with her over this?
please be honest
thanks

[jno]

There are worse things than obeying the law, and I can understand the authorities not having teenagers barfing in the gutters they way they do in Britain, and I can understand your partner not wanting to get into trouble. However...

Just what is it you want to do exactly? I can appreciate that sipping Diet Coke while everyone else is chugging beer must be frustrating. But do you actually want to be 'drinking heavily' as you say others are?

And while I don't doubt you're in love, I can't help wondering if your partner isn't behaving like your mother? And if maybe this isn't niggling at you a bit? After all, there's nothing (except the law!) stopping you buying your drinks yourself; she doesn't have to do it. And yet quite apart from whether a barman would serve you, *she* won't 'let' you do it. It strikes me this isn't quite an equal relationship, is it? How do you feel about that?

Anyway, you can suck it up; or you can suggest you don't go out together until you're of age; or you can simply refuse to go out with her whether she likes it or not; or as a last resort you can find someone your own age who'll feel a bit more sympathy. Up to you to decide what you really want, deep down.

[anny89]

(jno) , she is not behaving like my mom . we drink together but not outside. and there isnt a way for me to really get my own drink unless she does for me. so thats what i meant by (wont let me) = ( wont buy me) . if am alone with other friends who are 21+ they would get the drinks n she wouldnt care really , cuz its not gonna be her fault if something happens. she is not a dominant freak as people might conclude giving the age difference. its not like that at all.

[jno]

then you can hang on for six months - or perhaps suggest she might cut back on socialising herself for six months so as to meet you halfway - or just stay indoors. I don't think you're selfish. Maybe she, as the older one, might consider compromise. Good luck.