Boyfriends mum is a fruit loop and an absolute nightmare!!!

[CAJ1]

My boyfriends mum definitly has something wrong with her...not quite sure what but she's not all there. We go to see her twice a week because she has no one else really and I think my boyfriend feels responsible for her. At the weekend she said she had a sore throat (again), my boyfriend and I caught each others eye and smiled, she is always complaining about something. She caught us smiling and went ballistic, swearing at us and then she proceeded to try and bring up everything possible to hurt her son and provoke a reaction. She does this on a regular basis and it is really p*ssing me off. I think the best thing is for me to tell her that I will not be going up to see her anymore because I was on the verge of telling her exactly what I thought at the weekend. The other weekend she told my boyfriend he was a drunken mistake and that his dad wanted him aborted, she tells him she wishes he was six feet dead and buried, she can flip out in seconds.

I have also said to my boyfriend that when we eventually have children I will not be allowing her to look after them by herself because I don't want her talking to my children in the same way she talks to him and flipping out on them. I also caught her about to kick the dog recently because she was in a bad mood which doesn't fill me with confidence.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can all live in harmony? I understand as bad as she is, she is my boyfriends mother and I do not want to make things awkward for him but I cannot put up with this anymore!!!

[CAJ1]

Just tell her I'm not visiting anymore?

[Justincider]

You're not vicky Pollard by any chance are you?

[China Doll]

How old is she and is there any history of dementia or alscheimers (sp) in the family? Just a thought as they can present with people becoming very aggresive or acting inappropriately. Obviously even if there is a history of this, unless she goes to a GP and has it diagnosed, it's fairly useless information.

Maybe you just go once a week to show willing or once a month but to be honest I think it's your boyfriends problem/issue and he needs to deal with it accordingly. Ultimately if it's upsetting you that much then I guess you could just not go but I think it would be putting him in a rather awkward place.

[B00]

Not sure what this says about me, but my first thought was "oh the poor dog!".

But yes, refuse to visit this harridan of a woman. Would she be any different if she came to visit you? And what does the boyfriend say about it all?

[mccfluff]

awwwww get the dog out of there and stop visiting

[jno]

yes, like B00 says, the real concern here is your relationship with your boyfriend. MILs don't really matter, you don't have to visit parents or parent-in-law you don't want to, but where does he stand in all this?

[CAJ1]

lol, no justincider, I am definitly not!

She is 47 ChinaDoll, nothing like that runs in their family. I don't think she would visit the doctor about this as I don't think she is aware that something is wrong with her. She has always been this way apparantly. Other family members avoid her because of the way she is even her twin sister doesn't talk to her. I've noticed her writing is like a childs and she can't read very well, not sure if this is all connected. I agree, going up once a month would be a good compromise, I could manage that! I think its just because I love my boyfriend and can tell some of the stuff she says hurts him I feel like telling her what I think!

Boo, I rescued the dog just in time! No, I've tried having her visiting us, she's no different and then she just kept popping in as and when she felt like it. My boyfriend puts up with it, she did all that on Sunday and then asked him to stop by the shop to get her electric which he did to stop her going off on another one!!! I told him on Sunday I'm not going up anymore because of it and he said he understood and no one else should have to put up with that sort of sh*t

[China Doll]

I have heard of people with learning difficulties or downs present with symptons of dementia quite early (in their 40's). but again, this information is absolutely useless unless accompanied by a confirmed diagnosis and is just speculation. I was just trying to err on the side of caution and think of other possible reasons why the mother might be so unreasonably aggressive.

However, if other members of her family say she's always been like this then maybe she's just a bag and a once a month visit from you is more than enough. Your boyfriend sounds like he understands so hopefully this should be ok.

[CAJ1]

I think the best thing would be for her to go and get diagnosed but have no idea of how to broach the subject! She is at her doctors on a regular basis with one thing or the other (apprarantly) being wrong with her, I wish they would pick up on it. I was looking on the internet there for information but its not bringing up anything of much use.

Once a month it is then :)

[B00]

Have you thought about getting totally hammered before you go?

That way, if you're anything like me, you'll be zonked out on her sofa, snoring, and couldn't care less about her rantings ;-)

Put the dog in another room though- just incase!

[CAJ1]

lol, thats an idea boo! Incidentally, his dad ended up drinking quite heavily for a few years before he left her!

She keeps telling us to take the dog with us, wish I could, its just she would be stuck inside all day because we both work full time. I think it was a one off but if I see it happening again, the dog will be going.

[jno]

she does sound as if she may have some medical problem, but unless she's really mentally incompetent it isn't your job to find a cure for her, though you might be able to have a chat with her doctor. The main thing is to make sure she isn't disrupting your own relationship, but it sounds as if your guy is coping okay, so that's a relief.

But one person can't llive in harmony, it has to come from both sides; and it doesn't sound as if it will.

[CAJ1]

Yeah, you're right jno. I'd love to know what it is though that makes her that way! He is one in a million, don't know how he puts up with it, his childhood must have been hard putting up with hearing things like that.

No, harmony definitly won't be coming from her and if it does it'll be brief!

[Nosha123]

I'd cut her off.. she doesnt deserve her son - or you.. or the dog!!!
I feel for you all.. and the dog!!!
My Hubbie's cut his mum off for similar reasons... it came to a head and she really really hurt him in a big argument once - and he was devasted. I vowed after that she would never get close enough to him again to hurt him like that!
And as long as there is blood coursing through my veins she wont.. Evil old witch!

[stonekicker]

most of my hubby's family is like that and there is only one remedy - ignore her! we haven;t spoken to any of his for ten years now ans aaaah...the peace and quiet! mind you, we've also had to move to escape them completely due to stalking etc....just a thought! x

[DEN53]

Is you boyfriend the only child CAJ1 ?

Could be a few things: Menopause - Alcohol - Depression. She may be just jealous of you and her son being together.

[joko]

maybe you should just tell her what you feel...give her a taste of her own medicine

if she doesnt realise shes don it, it may shock her into lookin at herself a bit more - as it may be that no-one has ever challeneged her...if every one just smiles politely maybe she is unaware? not to be rude but she doesnt sound very bright so maybe she doesnt see a problem

if shes just a biatch she just needs a kick up the bot

[CAJ1]

I agree Nosha, she definitly doesn't deserve her son, he is so good to her and she constantly throws it back in his face! Glad to see you came to a resolution with yours!

I could ignore her very easily stonekicker, I think my boyfriend would feel bad if he did that though! We have just brought a new house so when we move in August we won't be so close :)

No Den, he has a younger sister but she seems to be a little bit like his mum. When he moved in with me she did make me feel bad saying she missed him terribly and it was hard for her blah blah blah on a regular basis.

I gave her a little taste of her own medicine on Sunday joko which resulted in her crying! I don't think anyone does ever challenge her and when I did it upset her, I don't like being mean to people but it served her right! Crack on, I don't mind you being rude about her, she definitly is not bright!

[society]

It sounds to me like she's not mentally stable. Does she drink alcohol or do drugs? Do you know if she's ever done drugs in her earlier years?