Finally....after 18 months...I've done it

[Cindylou41]

and I feel rubbish. I have finally told my lover that I am not going to see him anymore. I have been a stupid idiot thinking that one day he would leave his partner of 19 years and be with me. I have tried to finish it many times but he's always stalked me back and won me round eventually. I feel a bit lost today and a bit down but deep down I know I've done the right thing, after having done the wrong thing all this time. So if anyone out there is thinking of having an affair with an attached man, it aint all excitement and secret meets and great sex, there's loneliness, a lot of waiting and pain and hurt, wondering what he's doing at home and waiting for him to come back from family holidays etc. Take it from me. Sorry it's not really a question, its more of a 'quick tell me I've done the right thing, before I slip back to him because there isn't anything else'!! Need some strength now.

[Greedyfly]

You have done the right thing but I am sure many people here will tell you that you should have done it sooner!

[redman41]

You have done the right thing ! How many years of your life have you wasted waiting for a man who wanted nothing more than a 'bit on the side'. He was having his cake and eating it. Lesson learned hopefully !!

[piggynose]

how long were you seeing tr lover for?

[craft1948]

A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy...........

[Cindylou41]

I was seeing him for 18 months. He has always professed to love me and I am sure he probably did. His partner found out a little while ago (I played it down and said it was just a one off to help him) but he put his head in the sand and waited for it to all calm down and he's back there as if nothing has happened, while I took all the abuse from his partner and his mother and the people I work with (we live in a small town unfortunately). I definitely came off worse and he didn't protect me at all. I've had a rough time. You could say I deserved it because I knew he was with someone else and I agree but in a way I also haven't deserved it..

[redcrx]

he deserves as much as you got, if not more.

youve done the right thing.

[zzxxee]

good for you x

[redman41]

Time to move on now Cindylou, in actual fact it may be better to move away as well and start a new life otherwise the abuse will continue. Good luck for the future as someone new will hopefully make you happier

[cazzz1975]

I have no doubt his wife's life is ruined by it as well, you did right to end it, now you have to stay away from the situation. they may resolve it or they may not, one thing you both know now is he cannot be trusted..

[LisaB]

Well done Cindylou. I'm sure you'll have lots of wobbly moments where you doubt if you've done the right thing, or you consider taking him back again - don't! You've been strong enough to do the hard thing - be strong enough to stick with it and find someone who loves you enough to be able to give you 100% of himself. x

[jno]

you've done the right thing. And don't go thinking 'Well, he's better than nothing'. He isn't. You can't spend your life being somebody's Girl No 2.

[Cindylou41]

Thanks everyone. If I feel I'm slipping or if Im tempted to text, I shall just remember all the rubbish upsetting times, and there were plenty of those! x

[cazzz1975]

it would be easier to look for a single bloke, there are plenty of them around

[Sqad]

Yeah! I bet!

[cazzz1975]

have you struggled to find a single bloke sqad?

[Bbbananas]

He likes them in two's.....

[Sqad]

cazz....LOL

[Le Chat]

Just remember these things. Do not ever, ever text him. Do not ever, ever phone him. Do not communicate with him on Facebook or similar. Delete his contact details from wherever you have them. Do not listen to any music that reminds you of him (turn it straight off if it comes on the radio) Keep busy. In 2 months time you will feel fine and in 6 months you won't even think of him. I promise. x

[Cindylou41]

Good thinking Le Chat. It will take every bit of strength I have but I'm certainly going to do my very best with all that. It'll be the text that says 'I miss you' that I'm dreading!!

[Sqad]

Cindlou will be back with him within 2 weeks.