Finally....after 18 months...I've done it

[Cindylou41]

and I feel rubbish. I have finally told my lover that I am not going to see him anymore. I have been a stupid idiot thinking that one day he would leave his partner of 19 years and be with me. I have tried to finish it many times but he's always stalked me back and won me round eventually. I feel a bit lost today and a bit down but deep down I know I've done the right thing, after having done the wrong thing all this time. So if anyone out there is thinking of having an affair with an attached man, it aint all excitement and secret meets and great sex, there's loneliness, a lot of waiting and pain and hurt, wondering what he's doing at home and waiting for him to come back from family holidays etc. Take it from me. Sorry it's not really a question, its more of a 'quick tell me I've done the right thing, before I slip back to him because there isn't anything else'!! Need some strength now.

[Bbbananas]

I'm sorry to say sqad, that I tend to agree with you... :-(

[cazzz1975]

its a shame but I think you may be right, I am not convinced you have the self esteem to think that you deserve better than a few texted compliments. I hope you prove us all wrong

[karenmac60]

It'll be any routines you had that might be your downfall - if there was a certain time of day or day of the week when you'd see each other or be in touch. Make a point of finding other things to do at those times - get yourself new routines and they'll take over from the old. You have done the right thing and it's probably been very hard for you to do it. It's easy for people on here to sit in judgement and say you shouldn't have been with someone who had a partner, but you can't control who you fall for and sometimes it's not easy to stay out of that person's way, especially if you live in a small town. You're also human, and some flattery and interest can make you feel good. He obviously sensed that and maybe that you were vulnerable and he's taken advantage and used you, only to let you take all the flack for it. It may well be an idea to move on and make a fresh start elsewhere, but if you can't then at least be strong and stay away from him, don't let him sweet talk you back into bed cos he's only using you and you deserve so much more than that. Good luck Cindylou x

[joeluke]

Speaking from the other side of the fence, (as a man who has had a mistress) I can say that when a man promises his mistress that he'll leave his wife/partner for her he's usually lying......he just wants to carry on having his cake and eating it by having the loving wife at home plus sex on demand with his bit of stuff.........Promises by men to leaves their wives/partners are empty ones, especially if he has children with her

[Sqad]

joeluke............not always.

[joeluke]

Sqad, I did say usually

[Sqad]

Point taken.

[Cindylou41]

Thanks Karenmac. Right this second I feel rubbish, miserable and I've got that horrible hole in my tummy. He's not been in touch all day (he's away in Germany for a couple of days on business anyway). I'm almost waiting for the phone to go beep beep but I've GOT to keep thinking that he just used me. I am NOT going to go back. I think he needs me more than I need him and he WILL miss me more than I miss him. Im going to a party on Saturday night, hopefully Mr Single might be there too x

[B00]

"he's away in Germany for a couple of days on business anyway)" that roughly translates to he's round at Mistress number 2's house ;-)

[joeluke]

^ cindylou

"I'm almost waiting for the phone to go beep beep"

Sounds to me like you're almost WILLING the phone to go beep beep

My Money's on you making up with him and carrying on being his mistress

[xstitcher]

Well done you !!! If you can afford it why not go and treat yourself to a new haircut or something to celebrate your new and positive life.
Go out and have fun now!

[maggie01]

Being in the wife's position. Just imagine how she must have been feeling all this time.

Glad you came to your senses.