How do you cope with being a parent?

[joannewatson]

I have a 2 and a half year old boy, work full time and am estranged from my husband. Everything is a battle. A lot of the time I feel I cant cope and am often on the verge of tears, sometimes I feel I am going to explode. I have turned into one of them shouty mums that I hate. Before I got pregnant I was a very patient person and quite laid back and positive and now I just hate the way I am. I want to be a good and happy mum to my little boy and I feel so guilty about being so short tempered with him all the time.

I'm sure I will get lots of nasty comments here but there must be lots of parents out there that feel the same, how do you cope?

[cherrychapstick]

i am sure you won't get to many nasty comments from parents trying to do the best for their children as we will all have felt that way too,you have recognized that what you are doing isn't what you want so that is a start ,sorry i won't be much help on this as i am a shouty mum at the moment (since i moved here 2 years ago) i hate it ,so i will be here but taking note of the answers you get good luck

Cherry

[Androcles]

It clearly isn't the little lad's fault you are in this problem, so perhaps you need to just stop, take a deep breath and count to 10, like granny said, before letting rip.

But you also sound as if you need some help - somebody to talk to. Is there anybody in your family or a good friend you can you to let off steam to? You could of course talk to your doctor who may be able to refer you to an expert, or even ring Childline and ask them to point you in the direction of some help.

Veru best wishes for getting this resolved

[cazzz1975]

I have found that most problems are related to the parents state of mind rather than the wear and tear of being a parent. if you are not happy then you are not going to create a happy home for your child. maybe you have to ask yourself why you are so short tempered and moody?

[123everton]

You are very tired, get your ex to take him for the weekend, orhis grandparents.
You're under a lot of pressure whilst going through a separation, you are very stressed, the child will pick up on this but unable to understand will react adversely.
You need sleep, space and perspective.
Once you've acquired the first two, you will uncover the last part, then you can formulate a plan and a coping strategy.
All the best.

[karenmac60]

Being a single mum is hard, and when you work and your child is so young, it seems like a totally thankless task. I've been there and I remember how hard and how lonely it was. But don't get too down about it, it gets easier, and as your child gets older it gets more rewarding. My daughter is 13 now and we couldn't have a closer relationship. I think back and I remember being that awful shouty mum and never having any money to treat her, but I look at other kids whose parents have always been together and who gave in and gave to their children at the drop of a hat, and their kids are spoiled brats! My daughter is very polite and well mannered, she never asks for much and if I say no she accepts it, and she talks to me! She enjoys spending time with me and we have fun, and it makes all those tough times worth it. Try and get a rest when you can but don't be too hard on yourself and remember it will get better. Good luck.

[tamborine]

You're stressed at the responsibility and routine - normal but you need 'self' time.

1. Live by your own schedule
2. Let your son develop at his own pace
3. Follow your own instincts

[Mustardmit]

*Sigh* I feel for you, sounds like you could do with some 'backup' -do you not have any brothers/sisters/parents that could help you out sometimes?

[joannewatson]

Cherry, I hope you get something from the comments and things get better for you.
Androcles, I do try the count to 10 thing, but after 20 minutes of tantruming it no longer works.
123everton, yes i do need sleep! My boy gets up every single night (5 times last night), and I think that is a big issue with my state of mind. When you are tired everything seems much worse and you can't handle and deal with things as well. My husband has agreed to have him overnight on Friday so I can get a good nights sleep which will help. But this is an ongoing problem and he does not have him regularly (although he does come to my house to see him). My mum died years ago and my dad won't look after him until he is old enough to look after himself, my husbands parents dont really get involved. I do have two sisters, but they have their own children and problems.
karenmac60 - that makes me feel a bit better. I know its not going to last forever (even if it feels like it). It sounds like you have done a great job at bringing your daughter up.
Thank you all for you comments, every single one has been helpful and its good to know its normal to feel this way and I'm not a bad mum. I adore my little boy and feel sad that I am not enjoying him as much as I should. X

[stonekicker]

watch suppernanny for the discipline and getting up at night problems - she's great! you need to be firm, consistent and definately be 'in charge' - not your little boy. it is difficult - any parent has doubts, stresses, issues to deal with and are generally knackered. my son didn't sleep properly until he was five - the lack of sleep sent me round the twist. he's 16 now and there are different sets of problems - ensuring he attends college, work, saving money for university, girlfriend etc. as i said, these just change over time. its normal to feel crap and doubt yourself at times, but don't worry - i'm sure you are a fab mum as you have made the effort to seek support and advice on here. keep ploughing along - and you will both get there....x

[redcrx]

you could see if there is a surestart group in your area. Ask the nursery for details.
If you see your health visitor still, then also ask them for advise, they may be able to come up with a way of helping with the sleeping pattern.
I know that when ive had a rough nights sleep, that it shortens my fuse. Break that habit and things may then become a lot easier.

[ummmm]

Look at the bright side. This is unlikely to last for much longer. He will soon be at an age where you will be able to sit him down and explain the situation

[ummmm]

Oi Vibes....I will have you know that I'm always right :-)

[joannewatson]

stonekicker, I agree, I think supernanny is great and I do try and stick to my guns and I have a 'naughty circle'. And thanks ummmm and vibraspere, I'm glad I posted on here X

[123everton]

Other people's kids are far easier to raise than your own.
There's nothing new or unusual in your problem, in ancient times Mencius called it respite.
You just need a break for a few hours, it'll get easier once pre-school starts, hang in there.

[Ankou]

i think if i were a single parent i woiuld definitely be in your situation if not worse. my job can demand long hours, lots of travel and is often stressful even at weekends when i am not working. as you can imagine this leaves little time for play and fun with my little girls (or myself) and i am often bad tempered and irritiable (i donlt let it show on here of course!).

but i am fortunate i have support, and i think this is the crux of it. you need help even if just a few hours a week or one night off. maybe start by plannig a few nights out to give yourself something to look forward to, and then work towards it.

[123everton]

Ankou you have no time to play with yourself, I think that belongs under hobbies! ;-))

[Ankou]

lol, got me there.
although sadly that is probably also true, i was referring more to the social life - i don;t seem to recall its passing, i just noticed one day that it weren't there any more !

[spanner7853]

Have you thought about going to a parenting group that will help with your frustrations. I can understand exactly how you feel. I have a 16 and 13 year old from a previous relationship and a 2 year old from my current marriage, I work part time and go to college etc and I too feel like I can't take any more.

It maybe worth taking a step back and looking at priorities, like do you need to work full time? is there one day a week your mum or someone can have your baby for the night to give you a break. i feel for you as your having to cope on your own but i'm sure if you look on line your not the only one to be struggling. There may be support networks in your area. Good luck x

[joannewatson]

I do have an aunty that will babysit for me, but I dont like to ask her more than once a month as I feel cheeky. She has my sisters little girl also but she is a little bit older and she is closer to her, so see's her more of a grandchild i think. So, I do manage to get out maybe once a month.

I have thought about working part time. However, there do not seem to be many jobs about and that would mean I would struggle a lot more with money. Luckily I manage to get away on holiday with my son and have enough money to go out once a month, and I wouldnt be able to do that if I worked part time.

I have been on the supernanny website today and after looking on there and reading all the comments I feel much more positive. X