friends

[butter1]

I recently moved in to my friends house whilst my house I was buying was ready for me to move into.  I have now moved into my new place and accidently left a few clothes round my friends.  I have now seen on her ebay site that she has sold a some of my clothes!  I am so angry and confronted her about this and it and she said that I'm basically overreacting and that it wouldn't have fitted me anyway.  Am I overreacting?  In my book this is stealing... I think its terrible and she is upset that I have had a word with her about this.  Am I out of order?

[littleoldme]

No you are not over-reacting. Would she be happy if you just sold some of her possessions without telling you? The clothes were not hers to sell and it should have been obvious that you'd only left them there accidentally. Surely even if she doubted this, her first move should have been to check with you out of courtesy rather than just sell them?

I don't know how long you were staying there and whether you were paying any housekeeping, but she has no business taking your belongings as 'payment in kind' and selling them. I dare say she can't get the clothes back, but she should at least have the decency to give you the money she got for them.

[butter1]

Thank you littleoldme.  I was staying there for 2 months and was paying for all the food and electricity.  I just can't believe someone would do this and to be told I'm overreacting has got my back up even more.

[Lillabet]

I would regard it as stealing also. In fact it is theft. If you chose to report her for theft it would be hard for her to defend herself.

[jno]

It's stealing - she didn't just keep the clothes, she sold them - and you're not overreacting.

[smudge]

butter1 - No, I don't think you are out of order confronting your so called 'friend' about her 'stealing' your belongings. I think she has taken a real liberty!

She should have contacted you first, to ask if you wanted the clothes, or any other possessions you may have left behind.

It's entirely up to you if you want to report her for stealing - personally, I wouldn't bother going through all the trauma of that - I would just ask her to reimburse you of any profit she makes from e-bay & more - then I just wouldn't bother keeping in contact with her ever again. Good luck!

[Lillabet]

Oh, I wasn't suggesting that you should report her. Simply saying that you would be within your rights to. I'd probably either ask her to replace the clothes or at least for the money she made from them and tell her that I was very upset and let down by her actions.

[butter1]

I won't be reporting her.  It's not so much the money that upsets me, it's the principal of the matter.  I've totally lost trust in her now and it makes me think whatelse have I left there which she has sold.  I've know her since I was 5.....but I don't want friends that I cannot trust and which do not respect my friendship.  Makes me sad and angry.

[smudge]

butter1 - If you don't want another confrontation with her, perhaps you could write her a letter telling her further, of how upset you feel, especially if you've been friends since you were 5 years old! She may then realise the error of her ways & apologise to you. If she doesn't, then she never really was a 'true' friend. I hope it all works out for you.

Lillabet, I didn't think you meant to report her 'literally', just as a matter of 'speaking'.

[Hgrove]

You are not overreacting at all, she was out of order.  In theory she should offer a refund to the purchaser, get your clothes back, and send you a bouquet by way of apology... alternatively, offer you the moneys from the sale.  But it does not sound like she will.  Like you, I would lose trust if someone did that to me.

[Loosehead]

Nice "friend" Butter, enough said!

[landie]

Be thankful that you didn't outstay your welcome. She may have advertised you for sale.

butter1, are you sure you're not winding us up? I can't believe that anyone would do such a thing to their friend.

[milly143]

its out of order. Tell her you want the money she made from everything that belonged to you so you can replace them.

[Alixw]

There is no way a 'true firend' would do this to you. Any normal person would have contacted you to see if you wanted the things, or just kept them until you were ready to collect them!! I've never heard anything like that before!! I feel for you though, losing trust in a friend isn't one of the nicest things to happen. I doubt reporting her would make you feel any better. Maybe if you just don't contact her, she'll realise what she's done, and how much it's upset you and apolgise. Good luck!!  

[Alixw]

There is no way a 'true firend' would do this to you. Any normal person would have contacted you to see if you wanted the things, or just kept them until you were ready to collect them!! I've never heard anything like that before!! I feel for you though, losing trust in a friend isn't one of the nicest things to happen. I doubt reporting her would make you feel any better. Maybe if you just don't contact her, she'll realise what she's done, and how much it's upset you and apologise. Good luck!!  

[acw]

Personally I would say to cut her out.  You probably won't get the money back from her - she's obviously deluded as to the definitions of right and wrong and doesn't have a clue about friendship either.  Block her calls, ignore her texts, block her on msn, ignore her on the street etc etc.  If anyone asks why, explain that you're simply too hurt by her betrayal to have contact with her anymore.  Don't make a big show of it, just try to be the better person. 

You do have my sympathy though - what a cow she is!!!

[Bangkok]

This happened to me with something I lent someone.  I went to see them, stated my views and never spoke to them again.  Life is too short to associate with people like that.

[butter1]

Landie, I kid you not... my friend did this.  Just been checking through my things last night and also realised that I have left some coats and trainers round hers also so my boyfriend has offered to go and collect them from her, that's if she still has them!!

Anyway, thanks to all your replys....its nice to know that other people would be upset and its not just me "overreacting".  Thanks. x

[GucciGal]

OHMIGOD! I would be livid!!!

[iamkk]

you are not out of order, but your 'friend' is a DONKEY.. i guess you have had defined for you just how valuable you are to that person. i am sorry that happened, it is more than stealing, it is a slap in your face. i would suggest, forgive, and then forget the person because now you know their true (lack of) character..