DRIVE THROUGH CASH MACHINE

[shooty]

A new sign in the Bank reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-Through Cash Machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN .
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Hand Brake.

[sunny-dave]

I'd be laughing ... except it's all too painfully true - the only thing more frustrating is 'at-the-checkout'

"oh b*gger me - you mean I actually have to pay for all this stuff - that's a real surprise - excuse me while I find my purse at the bottom of my handbag - I've been in the queue for ages and it never even occurred to me that I'd need it - oh look do you take tesco vouchers - yes I know this is asda, but I thought I'd ask - can I give you £4.32 in pennies and pay the rest with my debit card - oh dear have they really gone on the floor - well I thought my card was OK for this - can we try this one - or this one - OK what if we deduct the cat food & try my debit card again ... "

repeat ad bl00dy infinitum

have a nice s0dding day

< signed the man with eleven items - and the exact money ready - stood just behind you >

[boxtops]

Dave, I'll join you in that queue - why do people not realise that they can pay before they finish packing their bags? Steam, fume.

[craft1948]

lol well you're the exception Dave.
A man usually look through all of his pockets (average is 4) in an effort to find the right money. After approximately 5 minutes of counting, and recounting, then realising he hasn't got enough change he rakes around for his wallet and produces some paper money. He then stands there and checks his change about 5 times.

[boxtops]

craft, you forgot the humming, or little hohum singing....

[shooty]

absolute blinding stuff sunny D : )

[sunny-dave]

That's not humming - it's the brain over-heating under his old-gits flat cap as he tries to get the flap open on his patent 'tightbastard' purse-thing.

< you see I can insult anybody - regardless of sex, creed, colour, age or anything else for that matter >

[shooty]

are you prejudice towards dwarf's as you never mentioned them in your insult list

[sunny-dave]

Bog off shorty ...

< is that a misprint in your user name, or are you just over excited ? >

[shooty]

shorty ? how very dare you !!

[DTCwordfan]

shooty is six foot six....

[shooty]

only on a good day DT

[starone]

The repartee is nearly as good as the joke.

[maggiebee]

Queue in Poundland - three items in her basket. How much is that? Oh, £3, rake, rake for purse. Lost the will to live.

[zebo]

Self service at Asda Swaffham, first of all why do they need 2 staff on the 5 self service tills but only 1 on the regular checkouts? Having said that, little old dear swiped all her goods and put them in the bagging area, she then, one at a tedious time, transferred them to her bag-on-wheels, then decided to try and pay a coin at a time.