ChatterBank2 mins ago
Please Help me, need feedback ....
I am afraid of the responses that I might get not being what I hope to hear, but I still need your feedback AB! I would like to know if you think that 1 year into a relationship should be enough time to know if you love someone or not?? and by love I mean, in love with them, see marriage with them in the future, can't see living without them....
Should a year be more than enough time? or is it different for everyone and for some that is just not enough time? Does it depend on age? Do you think that it's a bad sign if your partner doesn't know if they love you that way after being with you for a year??
Please give me your thoughts on this....I am uneasy about what I might hear, but I need to know or I won't be able to rest!
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i would say that it is different for everybody. but you have to think that even if they are unsure if they "love" you, they have spent a whole year with you which is a very large amount of time, if they didnt like you, or care about you then they wouldnt have done that. also maybe they might be scared of commitment etc, it may seem silly to you but they might be worried of what it might bring. also they may be thinking that if you both start thinking about marriage etc then it will change the way the both of you are. maybe they are very happy at the moment and they dont want things to change. to be honest i think i would personally be able to tell somebody if i loved them or not after a year. but as i say everbody is different arent they!
I agree - everyone is different, and without knowing you, or your partner, it's hard to comment accurately.
If you feel restless and unsure about the situation, it indicates that maybe you think it's time to make a commitment, or move on, and there's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you feel.
You need to discuss what you both see as the future - or not - of your relationship, and if you are both honest, and work out what you both want, you'll be in a position to move forward, or move on.
what you've also got to bear in mind is that different people have different perceptions of 'love'. just because he hasn't said "i love you", it doesn't mean he dislikes you! in fact, he obviously cares about you very much, otherwise he wouldn't stay!
It's quite possible that he has a different concept of love to you. He may not know what love is for a start. Or he sees love as a huge awesome thing that he can't comprehend perhaps.
Try not to put pressure on yourself and the relationship by worrying about this. You should enjoy the time you have with him, and getting to know him with time may make it easier for him to understand his feelings. Enjoy the experience of being close to someone and let nature take it's course! good luck x
go at your own pace, my mum was with my real dad for years and she didnt love him, just liked him. She met and married my step-dad in 6 months.
I fell in love with my bf after a month and moved in after 4 months together and we are still together.
If you are happy, and he treats you well then i wouldnt worry.
Maybe one day you should take the bull by the horns and ask if he loves you!!
good luck x
OK, Please answer me this...if after we have sat down with each other and talked about how we both feel after having been together for a year...and I discover that at that point, he IS NOT in love with me...but I have already felt like I love him, and believe I could love him for my life....What should I do?? Do I wait and stay with him with the hope that with more time, his feelings for me grow into love? or do I need to cut it off now before I do get further and futher into it and find out I have been loving someone who can't love me??
I don't want to let it continue to get more serious for me and then end after an even longer period of time, when it will hurt me the most!
But, I also don't want to leave him simply because a year wasn't enough time for him to know he's in love with me/could be in love with me...Do I give it more time, or am I just digging myself into a hole by hoping that with time, he could love me??
cymruambyth, I am 22 now and in August my boyfriend and I will have hit the year mark. I have always been in long-term relationships (my previous-3 years), so a year isn't even that long for me actually...We have spent a lot of time together and grown so close over the past year! He himself has expressed that he loves being with me, spending time with me, and greatly misses me when we're apart...but he has admitted that he is afraid that...in his words "though his head is telling him I am everything he has looked for and hoped for, his heart is not telling him he is love with me" and he just hasn't pictured me being his marriage partner...
anytime we fight, he goes through great lengths to work things out with me and I know he can't stand to think about us breaking up....he wants us to stay together....BUT, can I stay together with someone who can't decide if he loves me after a year?? or can't see me as marriage material??
I am mostly worried, like I said, that me having stronger feelings for him than he has for me (at this point) is going to hurt me later, should I continue to stay with him!?
If your fella has told you in no uncertain terms that he doesn't love you and NEVER WILL then, hard as it is, I would walk away. He's not Mr Right, just Mr Alright For Now. If he's just dithering though I'd set a date. Not love me by 23.10.05, but if you don't think you'll feel differently in a month maybe we should call it a day. If he does truly love you and can't imagine life without you he'll suddenly (around the date you've determined) realise he does love you but just doesn't know what love is.
Either way, we're here chicken
I say this very hesitantly HAnn but I think Peri is right. You can only resolve your own doubts, not his. Only he can decide if he loves you. The question is whether you are happy in this limbo. It rather sounds as if you aren't. A year is quite a lot of time - enough to get over initial infatuation, anyway, and to start thinking about the long term. If he still isn't sure - and isn't sure if he will ever be sure - you have to decide what to do about it. As cymru says, you can't make him love you, you can only act for yourself. It sounds as if you are being honest with each other, which is good because it means your actions won't be based on misunderstandings.
My own feeling: you're not unhappy but you're not content, and that isn't quite good enough for a relationship. You should try taking a break from him (not a divorce, just a break), and seeing if the feeling of freedom is stronger than the desire to have him back. But this is only one person's opinion; consider it but don't be bound by it. Good luck; there's no easy choice.
I have never told anyone that I love them. I've certainly felt it a couple of times before (at least I think I have), but I've never been able to form the words into speech! The closest I ever got was writing it in a letter, but then I was so scared of showing all these feelings, I took it back.
Just remember that it's much harder for some people to express themselves than it is for others!
I Just wanted to say Thanks to everyone for your replies...and I am sorry that some of you are starting to notice a trend here in my threads that ask for relationship advice...I know it's mostly on account of the year "anniversary" rapidly approaching that I have had so many questions and worries lately...it is certainly not because I am unhappy with my partner at all!
I have decided that from knowing him by now and understanding who he is, he is simply taking his time with commitment to someone and taking his time when it comes to thinking about marriage. I have come to the conclusion that he is just the type of guy that will need more time before he starts to add thoughts of the future into his planning. All though, the more I think about it, the more signs I see that show me how much he really cares for me already...and things he says that indicate him having a future with me.
We both have said that we are not the casual dating type and we are in this relationship because we want more than to just have fun with someone. He has told me he is definately not just with me to have fun! and that is all I need to hear right now...he makes me happy, makes me smile, and makes me feel loved....so the fact that he can't say the words to me is not important to me right now, but it is important...so we'll see what life brings us in the near future....
Many thanks to all you caring strangers...