Am I bitch sister?

[NiceCupOfTea]

I've asked my dad for money to pay off my loan accrued over the period while I was a student - not student loan, it was to cover my graduate studies which I didn't end up completing anyway due to not being able to afford the studies. My sister has now gone really angry on me and said that if my dad gives me any money toward paying off the debt, she wants half as she also has debts to pay. When I asked her why she didn't just ask him for some money too she said she was too proud to ask and was just glad that I'd asked. If he gives me anything I'll be madly made up as I need to stop paying stuff off so I can save up a deposit for a house as I have a little girl now. Should I give her half of what if anything he says he can afford to give me?

[NiceCupOfTea]

I'm already sure most of the answers will be 'yes, give half' by the way. Guilt if I get money and she doesn't!

[Annlinda]

If you are mature enough to have a child you are mature enough to sort out your own debts. I feel sorry for your Dad with two daughters who only seem interested in getting money out of him. Get out and get a job and support yourself.

[redcrx]

I agree with Annlinda Im afraid. Neither of you should be asking for money from your father. If he offers thats different but If you ran up the bills then they are your responsibility.

How would you pay it if your dad didnt have the money?

[thames]

Your only a Bitch if you feel you are one.

[nic2006]

Go and support yourself and stop relying on others. As others have said you are mature enough to have a child be mature enough to stand on your own two feet. You are not a bitch sister you just need to realise you got yourself into debt and didnt even bother finishing. why should your dad have to pay for your mistakes?? Get a life

[4getmenot]

and same goes for your sister

[Loosehead]

Yes, Annlinda, I too feel sorry for the old man having a pair of money grubbing juveniles like these two.

Niether of you should be scrounging off him, pay your own debts.

[joannie10]

I think also you should deal with your own debts but that is really not what your question is about. You have probably put your dad in an awkward position and perhaps he might decide to give you and your sister even amounts but if not I dont think you need to give her half. If she needs help from your father it is up to her to ask. No point on everyone having a go at you - lots of people have got themselves in a mess at somepoint, the important thing is if lesson is learned. Your daughter will need to be set a good example when it comes to money as she grows up as you wont want her in similar situation.

[joko]

shes too proud to ask your dad for some money but not too proud to angrily demand half of yours like a petualnt kid!!

i agree that you should not be relying on your dad to bail you out but i agree with joannie - if your sis want money she should ask herself rather than blatantly expecting you to do all the dirty work, and take half.

[sense4all]

I think she has a cheek actually. It is up to your Dad to decide whether or not he decides to help you out. Do not give her half the money - tell her if she needs help to ask herself.
This does not need to be a one way transaction - you could pay the money back in the fullness of time. Have a written arrangement with your Father. One of my sisters borrowed a HUGE sum of money from my Mother ... but there was a written agreement in place and when my Mum passed away (before full payment was recieved) this amount was deducted from her share of Will.
My Dad helped us when we really NEEDed it, and it gave him pleasure to help us. In my case we borrowed for two months, until a mortgage retention amount of money came through. It just smoothed things along ( it may have helped that we were moving around the corner from them, meaning he got to see the Grandkids almost every day ! ( kidding, made no difference at all , he would have done it anyway! )

I love the idea that she is 'too proud' to ask him for money , but not 'too proud' to try and blackmail it from you.

[Beanmistriss]

Yes Joannie, thats a grand example to set her child. Get yourself in the sh1t and let someone else bail you out. Thats the best way to teach her about responsibility (just in case anyone didnt get it, im being sarcastic)

[sense4all]

I think this depends a lot on what sort of family you were raised in too. Not in a snotty way, but a matter of fact one! We were brought up to support each other in all kinds of ways, sometimes you win - sometimes you lose, but there was always some one to share it with. When some of the Brother in Laws started to arrive we were amazed to find that this was not how it worked for everyone. One of my b-i-l is thrilled when ever something ' bad ' happens to his sister, has a kind of that'll teach 'em ring to his comments. Just does not compute for us, I'm afraid. We were poor (as a family) for a long time and my older siblings had a completely different upbringing to mine, but they did not begrudge us the 'easier' experience!

[Pippa68]

My sister has had a lot of money given to her for bail-outs by our parents..because she has asked.

Once many years ago my mum came down and bought me a weeks worth of shopping ~ Mr P had just been laid off, we didn't have a bean & although we didn't ask her to do this, she knew about our situation. When I could afford it I gave it back. She insisted she didn't want it back but I made her take it.

I have never received a handout in my life ~ any situations where I found myself skint were worked through myself, and it continues to this day.

To answer the Q, your sister should ask herself if she wants money..it is nothing to do with you.

[winny]

Ok so it all depends on the sort of family you come from. Yes I can see the arguement for getting a grip and sorting your own finances out as recieving hand outs never did anyone any good. That said if your dad will get pleasure from giving you a hand out fair enough. What I would say is dont make a habit of it and learn by your mistakes. As for your sister I would not give her any of it. If she is short she needs to swallow her pride and ask too. That is her problem not yours. However your dad may be putting the same amount away for her anyway.
Something is up between you and your sister if these issues are coming up. My sister has got herself into debt over the years and has never asked for a handout and when they have been offered she has stubbournly refused and is making a good job of sorting it out now. If she had of accepted any there is no way I would have expected to have half or even automatically assumed I would get some too. Famileis help however they can be it money,love,cuddles,the list in endless. none of it is for gain. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and money does not make families strong but pulling together does. Bitching from either side is not going to help.
Why on earth did you think we would all suggest you give her half??

[pingping]

well said joannie and winny!

there has been quite a lot of bitching from people on this thread, but not one of you knows tea's circumstances so get off your moral high horses!

If your dad is able to help out, then make sure you find a way to pay him back over time.

If your sister needs financial help, then it is up to her to resolve it however she sees fit, but you shouldn't feel obliged to help unless you want to, and are financially able to (which obviously you're not).

Good luck to the pair of you.

[janetsflower]

IF you ask and you Dad gives you the money then he has given it TO YOU - I would be mighty cheesed off if i gave someone money and they gave half to their sister. Its up tedwo your dad to decide if he does something for you what he will do for the other. I do agree with others that you should be standing on your own two feet and not putting your dad in the awkward position that he has to either turn you down or cough up, you could have made him aware of your circumstances and let him come up with an offer if thats what he wanted to do. My husband has two daughters that both only get in touch when they want money, usually a substantial amount, he kept paying out until one day he said no and now neither of them bother with him at all. They are bitches. Hard for anyone to comment fairly when we don't your family relationships etc, but i woul defiantely not give half to your sister if he gives you any, thats your dads priority and maybe he feels he ha helped her in other ways. My folks forked out a fortune to put my brother thru uni which i never went to but got a job at 16, on the other hand they paid for my wedding and constantly babysit my child for free. Its your dads hoice where his money goes

[WendyS]

Well, you're an educated adult now and since you felt you were responsible enough to get yourself pregnant I would think you ought to be responsible enough to stand on your own two feet and stop sponging off your father . He is probably now approaching retirement age and will soon only be living on a pension and needing his savings to support himself. Frankly I'd be embarrassed to sponge off my parents at your age.

[divegirl]

...and what is her age wendy? You lot really need to calm down! As has been said before, Nicecup of tea asked for some advice about her sister..... her sister!!! Her dad could be Richard Branson for all we know and well be able to afford a few grand!!!! Stick to the question asked people!!! Btw, nicecupoftea....sod her! If she wants money.....she can ask for herself!

Lisa x

[Bohne]

I agree with divegirl!

If your dad gives you money, it's got nothing to do with your sister!
If I was in your shoes, however, I'd probably try everything to sort things out myself first!

[ReinaLuna]

Oh dear, I was quite shocked to read the first replies to this question, I mean... maybe because I'm a latina, but in out culture, parents have a child to give them EVERYTHING, my parents always have helped me out if and when they can.

People should stop judging NiceCupOfTea, we don't know what kind of debts she has, one thing is if she is a crazy irresponsible one that goes around shopping and not thinking in the consequences, other VERY different thing is when you want to study, to be somebody better in this world we have, and you can't just because of lack of money whereas there are so many rich ones who are superficial and don't even think about studying.

I think if your dad has the money and it won't make a damage in his life to give it to you, there is no harm done. Yous sister is just being jealous, if she also needs money, she should go and talk to him directly, it's ridiculous of her to say she is proud of asking him.

Good luck for you both, and careful with the loans, hehe! ;o)