How can I tell her she's got a problem?

[merciasounds]

I didn't know where to put this - but here goes. I'll call her Maggie for want of a name, she's my friend and we've known each other for a good 25 years. She's been divorced twice, (first marriage was a mistake they were only 17) second mariage lasted 9 years, they used to live in London, he wanted to sell up and go live in Scotland like a crofter - she hates the cold and didn't want to go. Okay that's a bit of background. She now has her own house, car and business, but no relationship at the moment. She travels about a lot, and when in my neck of the woods, she drops in. The problem is, she's drinking heavily - a heck of a lot more than is good for her. She arrived one lunchtime at 12.30 last October, refused tea or coffee and had the best part of a bottle of wine, two sherries and 4 vodka tonics. I managed to get some food inside her and wouldn't let her drive before she'd had a rest. She slept, had a shower then left at 9pm, but i'm sure she'd have still been over the limit. She has no financial troubles I know, and her business is going very well . Christmas when we saw her she was drinking very heavily, laughing saying 'oh come on it's Christmas' sloshing whiskey into her first cuppa and starting on the wine that she'd bought by 11am. I did try and say gently that I thought she was drinking a bit too much - and I know you can't help somebody who doesn't want help - I did say to her - what would you do if you lost your driving license, your business would fail - she said she'd get a chauffer....she could probably afford it too, but that's not the point. Does alcoholism run in family's? Her father was an alcoholicdied aged 49 of cirrhosis

[fairycakes69]

You can tell her what you think, but I doubt she'll listen. She need a scare before she realises what she is doing. We have the same problem with a family member, again her parents were alcholics and she had phoned many a time at 2.00 in the afternoon drunk asking me to take one of the kids to A&E because they have hurt themselves and she can't drive. Been going on for years. Finally had enough, got sumoned round after a text saying she needed help, to find her and her husband having a huge fight and their 12 year old daughter having a panic attack. Sent them both out the room, calmed down the daughter, tod them both some home truths and took the daughter to stay at mine for the night. Up shoot being, she says she will get help and stop drinking, needed someone to be honest with her. I have my doubts as its a hard cycle to break, but she knows I'm there for her, but will not pamper to her any more.
Your friend is lucky to have a some one that cares for her, but at the end of the day only she can help herself and that means she needs to realise what she is doing and want to stop, I know its not easy to sit back and watch it happen.
Good luck to you.

[milly143]

I hope to god it doesn't run in familys or I'm screwed.

I had a conversation with my boyfriend about his cousin in relation to her drinking at the weekend. I pointed out that I have never seen her without a drink in her hand and she has been known to pass out drunk and not feel one of the kids (then not much more then a toddler) using clippers on her hair. We both agreed that you can tell someone you think they have a problem but in the end it is their problem and only they can do something about it, if they ever want to.

[Hopkirk]

Perhaps she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that it is not losing her licence that is the worry, it is killing someone when she is driving drunk.

I know it is hard, but someone needs to tell her. It may be the end of the friendship, or after a while she may say thank you.