Warm and Fuzzy!!

[Jemisa]

Subject: If Santa Answered His Letters Honestly.....makes you feel warm and fuzzy ...


Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in Bin-emptying. How about I send you a book so that you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa

*********************************************
********

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, I bet! Santa

*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mummy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's going to give that up to come back to your frigid mother, who fleeces him constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa

*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some Nike trainers, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa

*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
I left milk and biscuits for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh!ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favour? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa
*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a villa in Spain where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.... I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the bums of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the cards table. Well,, you wanted to know. Santa
*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa

*********************************************
*******

Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your parents, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a jumper again. Santa

*********************************************
*******

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your arse whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent Council flat . Third, I get inside your place just like the bogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Ooo! Sweet dreams, Santa

[Jemisa]

When I read this It made me LOL, doesn't anyone else see it as funny. Mmmm!! perhaps my sense of humour has become warped.

jem

[maggiebee]

Don't know where this appeared from - obviously 2011 - but why did it pop up on my screen?