Would You Make A 12 Year Old Tidy His Room?

[magsmay]

Two differing opinions here between me and OH - the floor of son 's room is terminally covered in various things -clothes ,plastic bags -lego he's been playing with -his computer desk covered in various electronic equipment charging up and his bed an explosion of duvet ,dirty underwear and usually about three pairs of pyjamas in various states of cleanliness. He has a laundry bag but can't be bothered to throw his dirty laundry into it. I usually go ballistic about once a fortnight and threaten to put everything in a plastic bin liner and put it in the garden -OH says I'm over reacting and its his room -if he wants to live like that that's his prerogative - just close the door and when he runs out of clean clothes, or loses something he will tidy things up. I reply it's my duty as a parent to make him realise a tidy environment is both psychologically and hygienically important - who is right?

[Barmaid]

I maintain a mid course. I make them bring their clothes down for washing and any crockery they have had upstairs but the rest of it I let them get on with.

That is, until 12 y/o girl wanted a sleep over. "No way, not with your room in that state". Amazingly it got tidied and cleaned!

[FredPuli43]

It's his room, his territory, let him suffer the consequences. You won't educate or change him; he'll educate himself, through experience. If it's any consolation, the constant complaint method (mother's) never worked with our daughter, but at 25 she's one of the tidiest people I know and the room she uses here is immaculate.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't worry. My OH's mother did everything for him, even after he bought his own house. He got used to things being tidy so tidies up after himself (not to my standard)

My boys know that the living areas are to be kept tidy; use it, clean it, but in their own rooms they can live how they want....until we run out of towels...!

[woofgang]

I would be letting him learn from experience and letting the experience fit the behaviour. Is he untidy all round the house or just in his room? Outside of his room, items left where they shouldn't be "vanish" and stay vanished for a set length of time. For his room , there are rules...clothes not put on the dirty clothes bin are not washed and that includes bedding and school uniform. If the bathroom is left untidy it is tidied by the person who left it untidy...respect for shared spaces is important. A tidy environment is not psychologically important....sorry but it isn't and while tidiness might make cleanliness easier, a bit (or a lot) of mess and dust isn't going to seriously impact on hygiene, otherwise I would have been dead a long time ago lol.
Set the rules for your areas of the house and let him set his own rules for his....

[netibiza]

I know all the perfect parill say yes, the boy should tidy his room, I aleas am not perfect, and although I nagged and nagged my daughter, she very rarely did, so I have always ended up tidying her room, because we have a small villa and I have her door open in the daytime to get the air circulating, thus it has to been tidy in case of visitors. Alas I am a useless mother!!!

[netibiza]

parill???? I mean parent!!

[MadMen]

My Mum did everything for me. I can't ever remember having to make my own bed - even when I still lived at home at the age of 16!
My son is also a complete (in the words of Ummmm) pig, and if it were left to him, then his bedroom would be a complete state.
I'm actually in the progress of decorating it right now (I'm typing this covered in white paint) and I've just taken his bed part and found numerous stinky socks underneath it, wrappers and, disgustingly, half a sandwich - despite me telling him not to take food up there.
I did try to get him to tidy it himself, but he just kicks it all under the bed, or under the wardrobe, so I end up doing it myself.
He does, however, now make his own bed (woo hoo!) so I can't moan too much. He's 11, going on 15...

I would say you are right. I couldn't live in a house knowing there was a room like a pit upstairs. I do completely understand people that do just that though - close the door and let them get on with it, but I just couldn't. Call it OCD if you like :)

[ummmm]

Lol MadMen...he's 11...you wait. You wait until you know what they get up to in their rooms!! Dirty boys...lol

[Hopkirk]

Well my wife and I have very different ways than you obviously.

With our youngsters it has always been both us and them that work together.

The rooms are kept reasonably tidy. Anything that is left out that the youngsters haven't put in the right place we pick up once they have gone to school. We wouldn't dream of leaving dirty cups or plates in there.

If our children didn't have clean socks or underwear available when they need then we would be annoyed with ourselves.

They have learnt to keep reasonably tidy from us, though they are not perfect.

You may say we do too much for them, but the eldest has now gone off to university, and he is coping fine. He has a reputation with his housemates for having the tidiest room.

At 12 I think you should be letting him enjoy his childhood, but working with him to keep his room and belongings tidyish.

[Old_Geezer]

I have mixed feeling of this. In one respect I tend to think a person's room is their own and if they wish to life in a mess that's their choice. On the other hand I'm aware that good habits accumulated when young prevent problems later in life. Difficult one.

Maybe here are some minimum standards you could define as being what is acceptable in your house and ensure they are adhered to as a compromise ? The laundry bag should be used, for example. but the electronic gadgets, well I think that is more of a personal choice thing. Maybe it's inconvenient to have them put away when they need to be charging. Find a balance, and try not to let it build up into a once a fortnight explosion.

[ummmm]

Hop - where do you draw the line? It's between cleaning and invading their privacy. Their room is their only private place, I don't think adults should invade that....unless they have to.

[MadMen]

Oh Ummmm!! Did you have to! lol :))

[ummmm]

It didn't enter my head; it was my OH that told me......

[tonyav]

Don't worry about that MM, he may get a girlfriend that will do it for him !.

[Prudie]

i tried and failed with my daughter. her room was actually disgusting including knicks on the floor with Always stuck to them (girls at least will know what I mean). I worried that it suggested she had low self esteem but now she's living with a boyfriend in their first flat she's come round to being houseproud. I'd not stress too much, my worries were wasted and pointless.

[ummmm]

I was messy as a teenager, my sister was spotless, roles reversed now.

[mazie]

Exactly the same for me ummmm...I was terrible and had so many rows with my Mum.. Now I'm a bit of a tidy freak..

[EvianBaby]

My Dad is 64 and he still doesn't do his own cleaning. (I do).

Don't get your hopes up.