Would You Make A 12 Year Old Tidy His Room?

[magsmay]

Two differing opinions here between me and OH - the floor of son 's room is terminally covered in various things -clothes ,plastic bags -lego he's been playing with -his computer desk covered in various electronic equipment charging up and his bed an explosion of duvet ,dirty underwear and usually about three pairs of pyjamas in various states of cleanliness. He has a laundry bag but can't be bothered to throw his dirty laundry into it. I usually go ballistic about once a fortnight and threaten to put everything in a plastic bin liner and put it in the garden -OH says I'm over reacting and its his room -if he wants to live like that that's his prerogative - just close the door and when he runs out of clean clothes, or loses something he will tidy things up. I reply it's my duty as a parent to make him realise a tidy environment is both psychologically and hygienically important - who is right?

[tonyav]

I think you are mags.

[magsmay]

tony -why ? I need input to weigh up the fors and against and if its a man thing -obviously not as you are a man -I'm not a tidy freak myself but personally need a tidy environment to keep me focussed.

[ummmm]

Neither of you are right.

I did go into my sons room yesterday looking for my hair straighteners!!! and when he got home from school he was told that every item of clothing and bedding was to be brought down to be washed...and he was washing them.

They live like pigs...

[maggiebee]

Been there, got the t-shirt and DVD. Think you're fighting a losing battle. Better just to close the door and ignore it. He'll soon get the message that if he doesn't put clothes into the laundry bag they don't get washed. My daughter has a 12 year old and is going through exactly the same thing. Need to take a step back.

[friedgreentomato]

My mother made us tidy our rooms from 8 years old, she hated mess was obbessed with it.

Leave the child alone if he wants to live like a pig let him

[RATTER15]

I would say check his room every couple of days and ensure he tidies it, dont let it get to the point where you "go ballistic" that wont help, if you keep a regular check it ensures it never gets to such a state hopefully!!

[tonyav]

mags, I'm just going on the way that I was bought up, and the way that we have bought our kids up. But I know different people will have different opinions.

[magsmay]

He came downstairs on sunday night at 10pm complaining he had no socks and knickers for school the next day - like I was a bad mother or something lol! he would have so much more room if he tidied up!!

[VHG]

My daughter lived in an constantly untidy room till she left home when she was in her early twenties.

My wife and I tried all sorts of things, but none of them worked.

Sometimes when my daughter was a work I would go in the room and give it a massive tidy up, so it looked lovely when she came home from work. I hoped this would make her realise how nice a tidy room looks and she would want to keep it that way.

But it never worked and it was soon a mess.

She left home a few years ago and now lives with her boyfriend, and I hoped that would cure her untidyness problems, but it didn't. She is still just as messy.

Funnily enough she is fanatical about how she looks, her clothes, her make up, her jewelery, her handbag, but has no idea how to tidy a room.

I dont think your can force a child to live in a tidy room.

In your case I may be tempted to remove any clothes he leaves lying around and hide them in the loft. Gradually he will run out of clothes and wonder where they all are.

It may make you feel better, but I am not sure it will cure his untidyness problem.

This whole problem is one many parents have and I am not sure of the answer.

[chelle7272]

You can encourage him but he won;t change unless or until he wants to, no point going ballistic. Mine was like that at 12, and I would remind him to bring down dirty clothes etc but that was it. Now at 17 he does tidy up each week of his own accord, but lives in a mess during the week.

[maggiebee]

Hope you showed him where the washing machine was mags!

[237SJ]

I had a female friend who`s bedroom was a pigsty (even when she was in her early twenties) and her mother used to go in and clean it up for her. Now she`s married and a mother, her own house is a mess. If he doesn`t learn good habits now, I pity the woman he lives with one day who has to clean up after him because that`s what his mother did (no disrespect - just my opinion)

[magsmay]

I was brought up by a mother who was so tidy she only allowed us to get our toys out for a couple of hours a day - even now I do a mini spring clean if I know shes going to visit -so I have got a little leeway on untidiness. If I go in for bedroom inspection every other day I get told by OH to chill out -leave him alone -LOL! OH is a bloody untidy b*gger too -Arggg! When OH was away for 3 weeks recently the house was lovely and tidy -lonely but tidy ;-)

[pink-kittens]

My 9 year old has been tidying her room since she was old enough to help tidy

My eldest, it got to a point where I was fed up with asking so, any clothes she wanted washing had to go in the laundry. Not there, they go unwashed. Then I dried them, opened the bedroom door and dropped them where I could see a space, often on the floor, then I closed the door on it all

If you don't make him now, then I feel sorry for his wife
My OH's mother never made him tidy up or get his dirty clothing to the laundry basket. However, I did - I refused to wash any of his clothes unless they were in the basket, not on the floor next to it. He soon got the message when he had to wear a dirty shirt (white with a nice food stain on it) to work in the summer months

[friedgreentomato]

Well if he is at home making his bedroom a mess he is not out taking drugs or mugging old ladies!

[AlwaysConfused]

threaten to do a full spring clean! Usually, the thought of a parent going through a teens highly-confidential belongings (hopefully a diary if you roll your sleeves up!) is enough to spur any child to do it themselves.

[aelmpvw]

you must make allowances, most twelve year olds are incapable of picking anything up ... look on the bright side, he'll soon be a teenager

[magsmay]

I have to go out now but thanks for the replies so far -I will monitor the room for mouldy half-eaten plates of food and anything vaguely smelly but leave the clutter and mess in place in the vain hope he may just see the error of his ways -;-) -won't hold my breath...

[vulcan42]

He's practising being a teenager, it's untidy because he likes it that way, when it all goes wrong and no clean clothes left, it will be your fault. :o)

[murraymints]

..I'd let him live like a pig..I'd also stop doing ANY of his laundry....put a basket in his room and tell him to get on with it !!! He'll learn...