Is Honesty Always The Best Policy In A Friendship ?

[LostSoulx]

I was talking to a friend earlier on who I have known for many years. I told him during conversation, when I get depressed, I read into the things people say and do in my life and I sometimes doubt whether he is a good friend.

He did not seem too happy with my comment, and said if that had come from someone who was not very close to him, he would have nothing more to do with them.

I did not mean to hurt him, I was just making a point that when I am down I become over critical of people, its not part of my character its something I am inflicted with and it not how I feel most of the time.

I said don't read too much into it, I was just being honest with you about how I get when I am down and I still do care and made examples of things I had done recently which I would not do for someone I did not consider to be a good friend.

He said don't worry about it I understand, but he changed a little bit with me after this and I am worried being honest was the wrong thing to do in this situation.

Do you think I did the right thing, or do you think its best just to keep all these things to yourself ?

Thanks in advance for you answer.

[Old_Geezer]

Different people react differently. Having a friend allows you time to try to get a rough feel for how they may react and judge what you can share. But in the end it's by testing a boundary and finding you have misjudged slightly that you discover where it is.

I do not think there is a hard rule for all. You shared, they weren't of a mind to take it in their stride. That's life.

[Zacs-Master]

I think you put it badly. In hindsight, maybe you should have said 'when I'm down, other people make me doubt whether you're a good friend, which of course, I know you are'.

[pixie373]

I agree with zacs. You can say whatever you like - just be careful how you do it.

[woofgang]

well I think saying that sometimes you doubt that he is a good friend was never going to help the friendship now was it? He probably feels hurt. I think a bit it depends on the context of the conversation...I mean were you seriously trying to explain how one of you bad patches felt and had he asked you to?

[soapnumpty]

I think people can be too honest sometimes and hurt other people's feelings, even if it is unintentional. If you had said 'sometimes I read too much into what people say and doubt whether they are good friends' that might have gone down better as you are saying it about everyone. By saying you doubt what he says comes across a bit of an attack on him and that you think he is insincere. I can understand if he is a bit hurt by it. Just explain that you feel this way about everyone, not just him, and I'm sure he will understand.

[jourdain2]

No.

[murraymints]

sometimes better to think plenty say nothing !

[Quizmonkey]

If you don't have honesty, you don't have a friendship.

[woofgang]

Well but i don't say everything I am thinking to even my best and closest friends and when I do say sensitive things, I make every effort to do it in a way that is not hurtful.

[ummmm]

No...it's not dishonest to keep your thoughts to yourself.

If I asked someones opinion I'd hope for the truth. Same if I'm asked for mine. But unless it's asked for keep quiet if it might hurt someone's feelings.

[alip250]

many man many minds.
if you know your friends then one's should not always honest with his freind.
sometimes its better be diplomatic