Is This Morally Right?

[renegadefm]

Ok long story, but I will try and make it as short as I can. 

 

Since Dad died in November my sister, my partner and myself have all been pulling together to baby sit Mum, as shes 90, has slight dementia, so needs someone with her day and night. 

 

There has been some nights Mum's cleaning lady has even offered to sleep there at night for £40 a night, but thats all she does, she turns up at 9 o'clock at night and is gone again at 8.30am.

So someone has to sit with Mum until 9 o'clock in the evening, so it dawned on my partner one day, hold on, if I'm here until 9 o'clock, I might aswell sleep here the night, as the evening is mucked up anyway. 

 

So she offered to sleep at Mums for £25 a night, which obviously includes to be there during the day aswell. And it wouldn't be every night anyway.

 

At first my sister was ok about it, but contacted me today, and said I been thinking about Mum having to pay my partner to stay at night, but shouldn't she be doing that out of kindness?

 

So I replied and said well technically shes only my partner, surely doing that at a much lower rate is saving Mum money in the long run, rather than paying the cleaner £40 for literally just sleeping there.

 

But somehow sister is now uncomfortable about it. Who is right or wrong here?  I tent to agree with partner as its good of her to give up so much time. 

[scorpiojo]

Is your partner providing a minimum of 35 hours per week to the person she gets carer's allowance for?

[barry1010]

She's expected to provide care for at least 35 hours a week to claim Carers Allowance 

[albaqwerty]

I'm confused, he doesn't need care 24/7 but she has to be available?

She can't stay overnight by herself at mum's in case she gets called away in that case which means paying someone other than cleaner or partner.

[DDIL]

Perhaps these inconsistencies is why your sister is concerned.

[cashier]

Tell your sister to do three or four night. She should be glad there is someone who knows what they're doing. She may be a secretary in a hospital and they don't work nights, and rarely weekends.

[THECORBYLOON]

I'm a wee bit confused about who is with your mum each day.

How many hours a day are each of you, your partner and your sister with your mum?

[nicebloke1]

Better the devil you know. If there are any devils?

[THECORBYLOON]

For information regarding the thirty-five hours' care for Carer's Allowance,

"The 35 hours can include:    

time spent physically helping the person

time you spend ‘keeping an eye’ on the person, eg preventing them coming to harm by walking out of the house

time spent doing practical tasks for the person, eg cooking

time taken doing practical tasks, even if you don’t do them in the  presence of the person, may also count (such as preparing  or cleaning up for someone who visits you regularly for care).

You must provide 35 hours of care for every week you claim Carer’s Allowance (the 35 hours can be at any time of the day or night). For Carer’s Allowance, a week runs from Sunday to Saturday. "

If you're caring for more than one person, you cannot add the time spent on each to make it thirty-five hour and it cannot be averaged out over more than one week.

[renegadefm]

albaqwerty, 

No the person my partner is a carer for doesn't need her to with him 24/7 as shes cleans his house, takes him meals, and takes him to appointments. Over a week this meets the criteria for carers allowance.

But surely this  is taking us away from the subject matter. 

Is my partner right or wrong for charging mum a lower rate than the cleaner basically? 

[DDIL]

In my opinion she is wrong charging your mother anything.

[renegadefm]

THECORBYLOON, 

Well this has only started since Dad died on 2nd of November. 

Obviously the time spent with Mum so far has been shared between, sister, my partner, and Me. Daughter has had to tag along regardless. 

Cleaner has been staying with mum the odd night or two, but shes not value for money costing £40 just to sleep there from 9pm to 8.30am which doesn't help us really. As someone has to still be with Mum all evening until 9pm and return to Mum early at 8.30am.

So that's what inspired partner to help at a reduced rate, I can't see anything wrong with it personally, but then I could be wrong hence why I have reached out. 

[renegadefm]

DDIL, 

But surely my partner is saving Mum money in the long run? 

[THECORBYLOON]

You say the cleaner asked for £40 a night, "for literally just sleeping there." but now your partner is wanting £25 "for literally just sleeping there."

Why does your partner think she should be paid?

 

[DDIL]

Your partner has a 'full time' job so has to leave in the morning the same as the cleaner does.

As has been said previously your mother would be entitled to attendance allowance and council tax reduction to pay for help so the cleaner sounds ideal especially as she is under market value.

In my opinion it sounds like advantage is being taken.

[elliemay1]

I think if your sister isn't happy with the arrangement she should stay herself or pay a carer .

[newmodarmy]

If sister doesn't agree then just leave things as they are. If everyone agrees on your partner's idea or an alternative option them go for that so long as there is no breach of carer's allowance rules. Its a matter for the family not us.

[THECORBYLOON]

Is your partner working full-time?

[nicebloke1]

Its a matter for the family not us? @21.12 Maybe not for you, but dont instruct everyone else on here.  Thks.

[barry1010]

Renegade, you need to wake up to reality.

Thecleaner isn't 'just sleeping there', if she is needed she will respond.  If there is an emergency she will take responsibility. 

She is away from the comforts of her own home and bed.

I repeat, the minimum wage is £11.44 an hour.  She should be paid over £100 a night.

 

[newmodarmy]

My stalker has arrived. You can't help it can you.

We can suggest things but at the end of the day the OPs family needs to agree on what to do. We can't decide for them.