husband wants a divorce...

[Katyp333]

I've been married for 7 years and my husband has just told me earlier today that he wants me to leave. It's our son's 5th birthday next week and then Xmas, he said he was gonna tell me after Xmas but decided to spring it on me today instead. So upset, I don't want to split up but he says he's not in love with me anymore. Just don't know what to do ....any advice would be massively appreciated.

[daffy654]

First of all tell him you aren't going anywhere,if he wants to split with you then he can leave. Then seek legal advice ASAP.

[tiggerblue10]

Sorry to hear that Katy. Has anything happened to lead to this situation?

[Katyp333]

basically we're in loads of debt and haven't been able to focus on anything alse for a while now. i love him to bits but because im stressed out about money, i admit ive snapped at him because he wastes so much money. he said hes had enough and wants me to leave with our son.

[hussy]

sorry to hear that katy has he not been acting different lately or is it a total shock. sometimes when you sit down and really think about things then you can see things have been different ie do you think he"s been seeing someone else??

[hussy]

how nice of him!!! tell him if he wants to leave thats up to him but your staying put with your son. its hard enough to deal with never mind having to leave the family home.....

[Katyp333]

don't think hes been seeing anyone else but he stopped wearing his wedding ring about 3 months ago and he told me today thats when he felt he wasnt in love with me anymore. i moved miles away from my family to be with him and kinda feel the novelty of being married has worn off and reality's kicked in. just feel so let down for me and our son...

[tiggerblue10]

If hes the one thats wasting the money then he should definitely be the one to leave. If you are in debt how can he find money to waste. And you are only snapping at him for good reason.

If he isn't in love you anymore then that is his loss.

[hussy]

legend is right katy if he cant handle responsibility then let him fet on with it
im sure he"l realize the grass isn"t greener on the other side!!

[Katyp333]

thanks so much for ur advice guys, im gonna talk to him some more about it. its like the seven year itch has hit him hard! don't want it to end...just want him to be the man i fell in love with again. let u know how i get on x

[hussy]

sorry- let him get on with it....

[hussy]

ok good luck babe but just remember in time if he does leave then the tables might get turned.. firmly believe what goes around comes around, and just mabee when he wants to come back to his family then you might not want him back and realize your better off without him and his spending!!

[tiggerblue10]

Good luck Katy x

[WendyS]

If your husband doesn't handle money responsibly, it may well be that it's only now that he's realised the level of his debt, doesn't know how to handle it and wants to walk away from everything. I wouldn't give up on your marriage that easily. It sounds as if you possibly haven't been able to sit down together and have a serious talk about your marriage for a long time. Can you try and do this and see if you can't work out a way of handling your financial problems together, by going to the Citizens Advice Bureau, seeing a debt counsellor and getting some proper advice. It's not surprising your marriage is under stress if you are in debt, but he has resonsibilities to your and your son which he needs to face up to. If your husband can't handle money, can you reorganise the way you run your family finances so that you take charge of the funds? Whatever you do, don't leave your home. Stay put and get some legal advice.

[cazzz1975]

I think you have to accept that for his part its over, however I think you both have to be sensible with each other in front of your son, for now he is probably the happiest little boy around because his birthday is coming and so is christmas.

tearing him away from everything familiar would be devastating for him, why the rush? does he need some time away alone? this would be easier to explain to your son and give your husband some time away from the stress.

money stress is a massive relationship killer, you need to focus on your debts and instead of blaming each other try working through a solution, calling the debter companies and arranging a payment plan is a good way of getting rid of the worry and stress.

[Bathsheba]

Sorry to sound cynical, but to me, the fact that he's taken his wedding ring off speaks volumes. Good luck to you x

[rabbitdrop]

Good luck Katy. It sounds like a very sad situation. I wish you were nearer your family. I agree with what the others have said. He sounds very immature if he expected the relationship to stay exactly as it was at the beginning. Money worries are awful. You may find you are better off without him, you know. And as someone else here said, it's not that unusual for them to leave then want to come back. will be thinking of you xx

[banjobabe]

Hey katy,

So sorry to hear about this so close to your son's birthday and Christmas.

I agree with a lot of what has been said so far. I think you must stay in the house with your son, it is so unfair of him to expect you to leave whilst he can carry on almost as usual.

Do you have a close friend that you can talk to. It is very hard this way, when it is not your choice.

I wish you loads of luck & sending you big hugs
BB xx

[packmalp1]

Hi there Katy,

I was in the same situation 10 years ago. My ex-husband got us into �30,000 of debt due to drinking, gambling and over spending. Ex-husband would never discuss money, but loved spending it! Eventually we split up and I had a terrible time not knowing what the future held.

I went to the Citizens Advice Bureau and they were fantastic. Helped me contact the creditors etc, and was able to get my life on track without my husband. Infact although he was the bread winner, I actually was better off financially, as I was able to save money, eventually paid of my debts over 5 years. I eventually built my own business, and have now found a wonderful partner and haven't looked back since. Financially I am confortable now, something I would have never believed! So chin up hun, there is light at the end of the tunnel...it just seems along way away. Hope everything goes the same for you. My advice would contact CAB and a solictior, so you won't go through this alone! Best of Luck xx