Isn't this illegal!!!!!!

[RavenD]

My wife wishes to move vack to her home in Cardiff. I have refused, She has now threatened to go anyway and take the children with her, she can't do this can she?

[puddicat]

no she can move in the uk anytime!!!

[aniani]

She can!

[ChuckFickens]

errr, she's your wife, not a possession, you don't actually own her. if she wants to move out you can not refuse.

It's then down to the courts to decide who gets custody of the children if you can not come to an arrangement between you.

[RavenD]

Isn't there anything I can do?

[puddicat]

sorry raven no,i think you are very upset at the moment can understand!!!

[aniani]

You certainly can't stop her, if you wish to save your marriage you need to seriously consider moving to Cardiff

[ddaisy992]

yes she can. You will need a lawyer so they can sort out visitation or custody even (am in the midst of sorting ths with ex)

[RavenD]

We are not divorcing nor are we separating she simply wants to move back home, I do not. She wanted to move to my home town and have children here and she said she never wanted to go back to Cardiff and she wanted to make anew start here. I asked her over a period of two years if she was sure she wanted to stay here and build a new life here with me, she never once said no. So for the last five years and two children later she wants to upturn everything and go home???

What happens if we move down there and she then changes her mind and wants to move back!!!!

She is leading me a merry dance and it's not fair on the children either, she just wants to uproot everyone simply for her benefit!!!

[RavenD]

chuckfickens, I know she isn't my "possession" I was thinking she can't just take my children into another country can she, even though it is Wales!!!

[puddicat]

raven you have stated that from the start,myself thought you were splitting up!!!

[RavenD]

puddicat, no we're not splitting up I love her very much. But it has got me really wondering though, as she said she wanted to leave Cardiff as she has too many bad memories there. We discussed this for two years and she was quite happy to live hear and have children here and live out the rest of her days here.
The children are both settled in nursery and in routines. my youngest has learning difficulties. I think she is being very selfish, I have told her this and her reply was " so,I don't care. I'm taking them with me and there's nothing you can do about it. You can stay here if you want, I don't care"

I just can't seem to talk logic to her ( after all she is a woman ;) joke, joke)

[myselfness]

although i understand your fear and anger at this maybe you should stop looking at how bad this is for everyone and ask why she suddenly changed her mind? what is it thats suddenly made her need to go back home?

im sure in reality she knows its not fair on you or the children and it will be difficult but clearly something has happened to make her want to up and laeve.

[onlyme26]

ive read the notes and people comments,

i dont see why you should HAVE to move,
Aniani......... its easy to say if you love your wife you would move, works both ways tho if she loved you she wouldnt ask him to!

i think in situations like this its a real shame, i dont actually think you can stop her, but it is unfair on the kids as she will be uprouting them from school/friends/their home, i think you should talk it through, maybe she thinks you will give in and move and thats why she is using the kids as a weapon

good luck, ( do the kids want to move?)

[Velvetee]

Does your wife actually wish to remain married to you RavenD? From what you say, she is keen to go and doesn't care whether you stay or go.

Perhaps you need to discuss if she wants the relationship to continue and if not, then you will have to decide how you share custody of the children.

I must say, it all sounds very selfish on her part. She seems only interested in what she wants and doesn't seem to care that she will be separating the children from their father, other family members and friends. Perhaps she should go and leave the children with you?

[onlyme26]

i was just thinking that V,

she wants to move let her, the kids can stay with you at home,

have you thought about telling her this? i mean i dont know you or her but maybe she is saying this just make you go? she may want to go but may not actually plan on going if you decide not to, if you see what i mean!! basically testing the water as they say!!

but if you say to her " ok i dont want to move but im happy for you to if thats what you really want, but the kids can stay with me"

[obNOXious]

Yes of course she can go where she likes and if it's within the UK she can take the kids as well and it's up to you to either go with her, or split up and then arrange custody proceedings or visitation either with her or through the courts.
My wife left the country with our children and went first to the US and then to Germany ( with my consent I might add) and although I did and do miss them terribly I think that it was the right decision.
If you and your wife's relationship is in trouble (and from her response it sounds as though it is) then it's up to you both to actually sit down and communicate with each other properly and try to come to an arranegment which will be best for the children in the long run and then secondly for yourselves.
My children are now very settled in Germany, my wife has remarried and they now have step siblings, and although I don't personally like the man she married, he appears to be a good step father to them, so the best choice was made, however much I don't like it.
Get your heads together and calmly have a chat and see if you can get to the bottom of why she wants to go back and if there's a future for you together and then act accordingly with regards to the kids best interests, and don't allow being hurt or angry cloud that judgement.