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What do you do(parents)
10 Answers
what do you do when your mom is always nice to your older sister, always believes her even if she is lying and your telling the truth, and has the greatest relationship with your mom. but when it comes to you all your mom does it yell and b*tch, doesnt trust you, call you a liar, makes you feel worthless, doesnt do anything for you. and no matter how had you try you cant have a relationship with her.
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Step away from the gun, Jan!!
izz, have you tried calmly to talk to Mum about this, if that is tough try to put it into a letter, it is never fair for a parent to prefer one child above another, she may not know she is doing so. If you cannot sort it out it may be you have to accept the situation is as it is and when you are old enough can detach from it. My mother always treated me as a third class citizen and placed my brothers above me in her pecking order, I grew to accept it and it was not until she needed me in her darkest days did she acknowledge me for who I was, we can never understand the true workings of the human mind.
Take care
M♥
izz, have you tried calmly to talk to Mum about this, if that is tough try to put it into a letter, it is never fair for a parent to prefer one child above another, she may not know she is doing so. If you cannot sort it out it may be you have to accept the situation is as it is and when you are old enough can detach from it. My mother always treated me as a third class citizen and placed my brothers above me in her pecking order, I grew to accept it and it was not until she needed me in her darkest days did she acknowledge me for who I was, we can never understand the true workings of the human mind.
Take care
M♥
I wish I could give you a magic solution my love but I cannot, this is a pattern of behaviour for her, you are nearly grown now and hard as it is we must accept people including our parents with all their faults, you do not mention a Father?
I wish you well and sometimes simply the acceptance is a release, I am UK so must retire now, but will check in tomorrow, am guessing you are USA with the use of 'mom'?
Night my love ♥
I wish you well and sometimes simply the acceptance is a release, I am UK so must retire now, but will check in tomorrow, am guessing you are USA with the use of 'mom'?
Night my love ♥
izz - mamya is a very wise lady. You seem to be displaying adult behaviour in so far as you have tried to talk this through with your mom. I have known a few people who had poor relationships with their moms but they have all come through it and have become good, balanced adults themselves, insuring that they never have the same difficulties with their children. In time you may be able to look back on your childhood to see that it has made you a stronger person. Growing up is a life-long learning curve. I wish you the very best.
I don't think this will really help much, but I'll give it a go.
Although you are the one suffering, this is really your Mum's problem.
She may well be totally unconscious of what she is doing, but she is in the wrong.
Sometimes the explanation for this sort of behaviour is resentment. Not of you, but resentment that perhaps her life has not worked out as she would have liked. Some mums feel like this and blame their children for it. Some split the blame between all of the children , so everyone has an uncomfortable time, others focus on one child as the one 'to blame' for the unsatisfactory life.
If this is the case with your Mum, it is highly unlikely that she will admit it , or at least not without a lot of therapeutic help.
What you must remember is that you did not cause this situation and should not blame yourself in any way for it. You have done the right thing in trying to bring it up with her and you may wish to try again. However, if she does not respond, do remember that this is her problem, not yours.
My advice to you would be to try to see your Mum in a different light if you can. She is a person with problems which she is dealing with very badly. You cannot help her with these problems, so don't beat yourself up about the situation.
If you try to stop expecting her to be fair to you, it helps a bit as you are not so disappointed when she is unfair.
Keep the communication channels open if you can, accept the situation as much as you can, find other people who value you and accept their valuation of you and remember above all, you are not the one at fault.
Good luck,
:-))
Although you are the one suffering, this is really your Mum's problem.
She may well be totally unconscious of what she is doing, but she is in the wrong.
Sometimes the explanation for this sort of behaviour is resentment. Not of you, but resentment that perhaps her life has not worked out as she would have liked. Some mums feel like this and blame their children for it. Some split the blame between all of the children , so everyone has an uncomfortable time, others focus on one child as the one 'to blame' for the unsatisfactory life.
If this is the case with your Mum, it is highly unlikely that she will admit it , or at least not without a lot of therapeutic help.
What you must remember is that you did not cause this situation and should not blame yourself in any way for it. You have done the right thing in trying to bring it up with her and you may wish to try again. However, if she does not respond, do remember that this is her problem, not yours.
My advice to you would be to try to see your Mum in a different light if you can. She is a person with problems which she is dealing with very badly. You cannot help her with these problems, so don't beat yourself up about the situation.
If you try to stop expecting her to be fair to you, it helps a bit as you are not so disappointed when she is unfair.
Keep the communication channels open if you can, accept the situation as much as you can, find other people who value you and accept their valuation of you and remember above all, you are not the one at fault.
Good luck,
:-))
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