been living with my bf for 6 yrs and he still not readyy to move out?

[Amber11]

hello my bf is 25 as well as i am and been living together in his parents house and his whole family for more than 5yrs now..His 3 younger brothers (15 16 18) his sisters (12 21) and his 2 parents. His brothers have always been mean to me i would b in my room always minding my own bussiness and they always slam the door open and start throwing dirty sucks at me and apples . one time his mother had to take me out of the house because they woudnt leave me alone. another time they hit me with an apple in my eye and caused me a nose bleed...Ived cooked for this kids am always nice to them even thou hey put me thru hell and they still continue to make my life miserable..My bf knows all this n will tell them to stop but they will still bother me again...Me and him often will end up in a fight bcuz of his bothers bcuz i keep telling him that i want to move out but he says we are not financially stable but even if we were i dont think he would move out bcuz of he being so close with his fam...i dont know what to do anymore i feel mad at my bf bcuz its like he doesnt understand how happy i am there..Its like he doesnt see how much it sucks being picked at bcuz is not that to him..i dont know wat to do..please someone give me some advice and thank u for taking the time to read this.

[DTCwordfan]

I hate to be brutal to be kind. If he isnt considerate to your 'plight' then you need to part and get your own place. If he follows, so be it.....and you have your own space and independence.

If not, then you know that you are being used or are a sibling figure to him.

There are many other fish in the pond out there and you have to put your own overall happiness first.....and I am sure you would find someone to love you and work together for each other's happiness

[ljdksa]

Maybe ask him when he thinks he will be ready, if not after 6 years and what he's afraid of. He can still keep in touch with his family. But I think if you move and do all the organisation and he still doesn't move in, then he probably never will. In your position, I'd rather know either way, tough though it is. Good Luck!

[Amber11]

And be miserable...I feel like everything ived been thru will have its reward at the end..That eventually he will say thous words to me "lets move out" but what if that never comes and i end up wasting more of my time..omg im afraid of taking that risk of leaving him and not getting back 2gether ..This really sucks..Why can we just be happy in our own. why do things have to be so complicated..How can our conversation be ok with me not having to leave him..If his brothers would just leave me alone.

[askyourgran]

You'll have to be quite serious Amber don't start crying or shouting either, just tell him calmly that although you love him very much and you don't want to live apart from him, you feel you can't go on much longer taking advantage of his mother and the family, living as you are. Tell him you are feeling unhappy and need break, maybe thinking of moving back home for a while. Say that you feel unhappy because you want to live alone with him like a proper couple, instead of being surrounded by his family all the time. Ask him to help you to find somewhere for you both to live together. That you should be making plans now.

[society]

You've been living together with him for six years and he's aware how crap his family members treats you, and you are feeling hurt and badly about being treated so. Yet you don't want to move away from them. What's wrong with this picture?


It's time you wake up and look at the 'big' picture.

[KUSTARD]

Have read your problem and all the replies with interest and, sorry to sound hard, but things aren't going to get any better. You could still be in this situation in another five years with your boyfriend having the best of both worlds. Don't look back in another few years and think you've wasted your life. With £300 per week you can afford to rent somewhere small of your own or find a similar girl to share with you. Your boyfriend might well follow you - if he doesn't then you've had a lucky escape. Who knows, there is a big world out there and you MIGHT find, after a while, that you enjoy being part of it if you do lose him. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there. Good luck anyway.

[Amber11]

screw this i am so so sick of this..His to younger bother just got home ( 15 16 ) past by them as i was coming upstairs from the laundry room and they just stepped back and cover there noses as to i smell or something..Thats it im soo sick of there bull*** i dont need to put up with this sh** im gonna tell him when he gets home wat happened and that im giving him 4 months to move out or im moving by myself..Im tired of it..Who the hell do they think they are

[arwyn]

You may live in a house full of people but you are alone now so what difference would it be, you go to work then you sit alone in your bedroom while he plays games with his Brothers. Sorry if I sound harsh. Talk to you'r own Mam about it all and I bet she say's what most people on here have said. Its time to move out and on with you'r life. you'll have so much fun once you'r over him. Go talk to you'r Mam.

[society]

Amber, perhaps they are treating you this way because they DO want you to move out, but, don't have the guts to tell you. If big brother and parents seriously put their feet down on this sort of behaviour, siblings would take heed.

[Amber11]

You are so right i live in a house with 8 other people an feel so alone. My birthday just passed in January and his mom bought me a cake with the money my bf gave to her. she put it in the fridge and they didnt ended up singing happy birthday to me that day bcuz the father said he wanted to be present when they sang to me but he was working till late that day and said lets leave it for 2morrow...That same night his brothers ate the cake along with their friends and didnt give a crap..That really hurt my feelings. So i just let it go and didnt say anything. The father didnt say anything to them or punished them.

[arwyn]

Are you close to you'r Mam?

[4getmenot]

move out, find a place to rent you make enough money. If he doesnt follow then he's not worth it. End of.

[Amber11]

Society thats exackly what i tell my bf all the time if his parents would do something about it but they dont..Or if he was to really get upset at them and show them that he is serious by taking all his video games away from them then mayb they would see that they need to change there attitude but no my bf would just ask them did u do this to her(me) most of the time they wont owned up to it my bf will tell them to stop it and then 5 mins later there all playing video games in the game room like nothing happened

[Amber11]

arwin yes i am very close with my mother..She has told me a lot of times that my bf will never move out of his house that his just not the type..he just wants to b cuddle with his fam. She tells me he has it made living with his fam and his gf at the same house n that theres not need for him to want to move out. Shes also said to me that he probably doesnt love me and that he is just used to me bcuz of the 2 times he broke up with me went out with to other girls and then called me to get bc with him again...I dont know what to think anymore...He is a very nice person very nice with his brothers and with me. He just says to me one day your gonna have your house just not now..This really brings me into tears i feel so insecure..Afraid what if he tells me he needs a break again omg..This is a rollercoaster about to crash

[arwyn]

If I were you, (I was once you'r age) I would say to him nicely that my Mam needed me home for a few days (white lie) as she was ill or something.
I would stay at my Mams for a few weeks and I can bet you that you will NEVER want to go back.
Whether he follows or not will tell you everything about you'r past 6 years.
You have to be the adult in this as he is'nt. You'r Mam will never say "I told you so".

[arwyn]

Oh and have a few nights out with you'r mates while you'r at you'r Mams.

[society]

Amber he's having his cake and eating it too - living at parents and getting the comforts of a home with not much responsibility and bills to handle. And having the pleasures of a woman in his bed whenever he want...

[Booldawg]

the bf sounds a tool and the family sound like an evil version of 'The Waltons' Cook them one last meal - with plenty of laxative in, walk on on the last laugh!

Prof. Booldawg - diploma in relationships, University of Life.

[Amber11]

Ok guys so i just had a talk with my bf and this is what i said to him..I told him that i am so very hurt by the way that his family treats me when i am nothing but nice to them and that no one deserves to be treated that way. He agreed with me and rub my back as he said it looking at the floor with a sad face..Also i told him that if we save up some money can we move out 2gether soon bcuz i cant take the abuse anymore and that i know that he loves his family and my intensions are not to keep him away from them that they could come over whenever they wanted and spend time 2gether. That everyone has to move out of there fams house in some point in life and 25 was a good age to do so and we been together for 6 yrs Is either he knows im the girl he wants to be with or not by now. That in the long run he will like having his own privacy and his probably gonna wish we did it sooner. He said i know and that moving out is a big step and we will and i asked him well think about this things dont u wanna make me happy he said yes of course then i told him i promise to make you the happiest man i can and he looked at me and said i love you things are gonna be ok but u need to help me with the bills bcuz i wont be able to afford everything on my own and i told him duh of course..he gae me a kiss and said i love u again..He also said we will sit down and start playing as soon as we have money saved up...So what do u guys think should i believe him??.Do u guys think his just telling me what i wanna hear to come me down??..I dont know but i feel so much better now i have something to look foward to im exicted omg having our own place will be like a dream come true ..im so happy right now i dont even care having to put with more crap for more months as long as i know that hopefully me and the man i wanna b with 4ever will b living 2gether sometime soon..Thank u guys for the advice :)

[ljdksa]

That's fantastic Amber. Certainly a start, just keep him motivated now!