Is he taking cannabis?

[Lindylou]

A very good friend's son has become aggressive towards his father and this morning it actually ended in fisticuffs.  He is distaught (the Dad) and doesn't know how to handle this.  He believes his son is taking cannabis.  The boy had meningitis as a child but, apparently, made a full recovery.  Would this have any influence on his behaviour?  And what can my friend do about it.  I've suggested seeing the GP to ask for advice and possible referral to a child psychologist/psychiatrist.  Can anyone give some advice?  Many thanks!

[Guinevere]

How old is the son?  If he is in adolesence then that would probably go along way to explain his behaviour (with all those hormones raging about). In my experience of people taking cannabis (almost all the lads I knew as a teenager!) it very rarely makes them angry - quite the opposite in fact.  Are there any other things that make the Dad suspect he is smoking cannabis (red eyes, eating lots? etc).  I would suggest the Dad has a quiet word with his son's teachers to see what he is like at school and whether there could be any other factors.  It is a very difficult situation and I don't think there is any right way to deal with rebellious teenagers.  It sounds like his son is trying to establish his individuality and independance, and unfortunately the parents are the ones that get it in the neck!  I was fairly vile as a teenager and my mum left me get a lot out of my system, as she always made it clear she trusted me and that whatever I did she would be there for me. 

I wish him luck.

[natalie_1982]

I agree with the previous posts, I, too, was a monster of a teenager, although I have never raised a hand to either of my parents, with the things I used to get up to I might as well have.

When your friend got into a 'fisticuffs' situation with his son this morning, had your friend accused him of using drugs?  Because that would make me very angry if I wasn't taking any.

I would also agree, that canabis generally sends you the other way, is his sons tired often?  I mean, it has a pretty distinctive smell too (so I've heard!).  If your friend is sure he is using recreational drugs, I think it sounds like it could be something more chemical than herbal if you catch my drift.

As a teenager, what would have done me the world of good, and stopped a lot of aggro between me and my mum, would have been knowing that I could talk to her about anything and that she wouldn't fly off the handle.  Also, being given some responsibilty and being able to prove myself, i.e. later nights out, drinks at the weekend, etc.  Teenagers will do these things anyhow, and if I had been allowed to do more I wouldn't have felt like I had to hide things from her.

Ask your friend to trust his son, to believe in his son and let his son know that he is there for him.

Hope that all made sense it went a bit rambly!

[rizzo2005]

my father thinks the same of me. I am 17, and on several occations i have been told i am aggressive and appear distant....RUBBISH! thats a pat of growing up, finding yourself. i have no problems with drugs, i am no user, although i have tried some recreation drugs including cannibis. If i could give any advice i would say that you should NOT confront the kid aggressively, because this will honestly cause all manner of problems, especially if there is no drug issue. Could it be the kid is just going through a phase? surely you've all been there...maybe this is a phase of mine...tryin to repent maybe by helping others? i dont know...

[Otrere]

As a youngster I experimented with it and I can assure you it does not make you aggressive - all it ever made me want to do was eat, giggle a lot, talk gibberish and then sleep. Other drugs can make you aggressive but I personally think this is just plain and simple being a teenager. I was horrible as a teenager and had real attitude at times ... its just hormones.

[jibjib]

It sounds like normal teenage behaviour & probably is. Contrary to the other posts pot can make you aggressive & short fused but it depends entirely on the individual & their own state of mind, tolerance & level of usage. Generally tho' pot mellows people to an extent where confrontation is to much effort & can be laughed off. Just be re-assured that there are lots of parents of similar teenagers going thro' the same old thing. Tell your friend to catch the little blighter off guard one day & give him a big hug & enjoy the stereo typical teenage response cos they are never to big for a hug are they?