Potty-training

[Maggie-Mae]

Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences on how to toilet train.  My daughter is three years 3 months and still in nappies.  She just refuses to sit on either the potty or the toilet. Ive tried being nice, being hard, bribery, star charts, and Ive even asked her playschool teacher to give it a go. She doesnt even seem to mind having a wet or dirty nappy. I thought girls were supposed to be easier but I trained her older brothers with much less hassle.  Any ideas anyone?

[sunflower68]

Maggie I had the exact same trouble with both my kids; still do with my 5year old from time-to-time....sorry!

If I had to do it again I would definitely STOP everything once it becomes a muddle of having tried and tested all the theories known to man, as it seems you have.  It all just becomes too much of an issue for you both (I'm sure you're living and breathing 'do you need a wee..?')

Take a huge back seat for a week or two and start again from scratch.  Let her take the lead and don't listen to those saying 'oh, we never had any trouble with ours' as they will slowly drive you bonkers.

My playgroup were good in that I was allowed to put her  in pull ups, so she was no longer officially in 'nappies' when she went.  Not ideal for training  but just take a breather and set a date to try again.  Good luck, I feel for you! xxx

[trodgers5]

I wouldnt worry about her age - she will do it when she is ready, which is probably not what you want to hear.

The golden rule which seemed to work with us and other parents I know is once you have started do not under any circumstances put them back in nappies even if you think it will make life easier ie trips out ,as your child will just get confused.  The other idea we all tried was potty train in the warmer months then they can run around without nappies or pants and not get cold.  A good book I read before was 'potty training in one week' by Gina Ford.  I managed my son in one week (but be warned we did not leave the house!!)  I am going to attemp to do my daughter this summer.  Good luck and hope it helps.

[silly moo]

I dislike the term potty training full stop.
Your daughter is not a dog!
As trodgers5 says, she will do it when she is ready.
Also she is probably enjoying having you completely in her control at the moment.
Letting her go without nappies in the warmer summer months is a good idea. Leave the potty alone , but in sight, and you may be surprised when one day she either asks for it or even uses it on her own.

[spunkypumpkn]

As a health visitor, I've come across this previously, and have used several techniques to overcome it. The most successful technique is to reward the potty/toilet use.

Have a discussion with your child, and calmly suggest that for every time she uses the toilet/potty successfully, she will be awarded a 'star'. Get her to help you make a 'star chart', and talk lots about when and why she'll gets stars. When she has 5 stars, she gets a treat. So initially, if she uses the potty/toilet 5 times a day, she'd get a treat every day (small treats advisable!!). Then when she has the hang of it, go up to 10 stars, and offer a slightly bigger treat. Then go up to 20 stars etc etc. One thing..... you have to COMPLETELY ignore it, and not even pass comment when she wets her nappy. But when she does it on the potty.... go absolutely BONKERS with praise... (teling her what a 'grown up clever girl' she is) and then make a big big fuss about putting the star on the chart. She'll soon get the jist of it... ie. ... "if I do weewees in my nappy... nothing is said, but if I do weewees on the potty... my mummy gives me lots of attention and praise."

I used this technique to stop my little girl from waking me in the night to put her back to bed after she'd had a wee on the potty. Haven't looked back since... well.... maybe the odd night. I take her to the local post office where they have those packaged toys thing...... only about a pound or so.

Hope this works for you. I have to say as well, that although the other answers are technically correct, and that, yes, a child will do it when they are ready.... sometimes we delay toilet training ourselves.... by making a big fuss and palaver about it. In my professional opinion, at 3 and a bit, she will almost certainly be fully capable of being dry during the day.

Praising the 'good' behaviour, is by far the most successful way of bringing about a change in behaviour.

[pochulina]

Do you think its an attntion thing?

[purplefish]

Do her brothers still use a potty? My mum said I just started using a potty after I saw my brother doing so, she didn't even have to try. I would keep trying though, my cousin is 11 and still can't go to the toilet by himself, wipe himself or go to the toilet regularly (he goes once a week) which can't be pleasant.....