How Do You Split Yourself Between Two (Or More) Children

[bednobs]

My daughter is coming up for a year old, I would like to have another baby as my family doesn't feel complete. How on earth do those of you who have more than 1 manage to split your time and emotions between more than 1 child? is it as exhausting as it feels like it's going to be?

[sherrardk]

If I am being totally honest, I probably had my children too close together (although they were planned). Thing 1 & 2 nearly finished me off as I was really ill after having them. But saying that, if I had started having children in my 20's maybe I would have had more? Good luck with whatever you decide to do, x

[sherrardk]

Ps - I was 38 (a month short of 39) when I had the things.

[2sp_]

I have two girls aged 2½ and 8 months and it is exhausting! I seem to bumble from day to day through the chaos feeling I've missed something or forgotten to do something. I worried that as I love #1 so much I wouldn't have enough love for #2. I can assure you that I do, and if anything I've found even more for both of them.

Even though I'm knackered, and look like I've been dragged through a bush, I wouldn't change it for the world. I was the same as you, in that just one child felt as if we weren't complete as a family. I'm definitely done at the two!

You also have the added worry and stress following loosing your first two children - I can't even begin to imagine how you cope with that.

Good luck with your decision, and keep us informed! x

[boxtops]

Bednobs - Heather and William will always be part of your family, I am sure - but I know what you mean.

[bednobs]

yes boxy they are. I do talk about them with people so that they don't forget. When phoebe was born, she looked just like mr bednobs and his friend told him that first children always look like their dads, I informed her through gritted teeth that phoebe was actually our third (i think she had just completely forgotten our other two) Whenever i send a card to anyone, i always put 2 extra "secret" kisses on from them

[yogi-bear]

Good luck to you both whatever you decide to do, Bednobs x

[ummmm]

People don't mean to be thoughtless, but it must hurt x

[bednobs]

i have a small picture of each of them on my living room and one of my "friends" told me she thought it was wrong i had them up

[sherrardk]

Is not wrong at all, tell her to flump off - you don't need friends like that. I have a friend whose son died at 5 1/2 years old, her take on it is that people don't like mentioning him as they are afraid of reminding her that he has died, she doesn't need to be 'reminded', she knows he has, x

[2sp_]

Of course you should have photos of Heather and William, they are your children!

Some people can be so insensitive (verging on plain stupid).

[Iluvspikey]

I had my children close together, there's two and a half years between my firt and second children, then when my second son was nearly 4 months old, I found I was pregnant again, wasn't planned but was delighted when she was born. I won't lie to you, yes it is exhausting, i didn't have the luxury of disposable nappies - they were on sale but I thought the horrendously expensive, so it just seemed a constant wash feed tidy up bed, but once I got into a routine, I was fine. Children need a routine too to feel safe and loved and cared for. When the time comes, you don't have to do anything about splitting emotions, the love will be there for both, and if you can't cope there's plenty of help available and don't be afraid to ask for it, nobody will think the less of you

[yogi-bear]

Its not wrong at all, Bednobs......you're a very sweet person. x

[ummmm]

How could that possibly be wrong?! Some people are weird...

[bednobs]

i think because (obv as she was stillborn) the one of heather is when she had died

[boxtops]

It's not at all odd, bednobs - they are still your children.

[ummmm]

But that's all you've got. I think that's quite insensitive of your friend.

Anyway, do you think you'll convince MrBednobs?

[2sp_]

I have a friend who was pregnant at the same time I was with #2. Sadly her daughter was stillborn just a week after #2 was born.

She has photos of her daughter, and they are beautiful if heartbreaking. She says one of the hardest things is that people don't talk to her about her daughter.

I think people just don't know what to say. They worry about saying the wrong thing, when saying nothing is even worse.

[maggiebee]

I had three children by the age of 23. How did I manage? No idea, simply did what had to be done. Was probably skint and exhausted most of the time but do you know what? I wouldn't have changed a thing.

[bednobs]

not sure. I have found in the past that men can often be convinced to change their minds "in the heat of the moment". However, he is pretty determined and i don't do all that much sex seeing as we have a baby and we're knackered

[ummmm]

Do you think it's concern for you more than not wanting a baby?