what age?

[samferguson]

My mum thinks its ok to leave my 9year old daughter alone for 4-5hours while shes at work,and let her walk approx 1mile home alone,she wont listen to me,is there any legal information i can use to back this up thats its not alright?

[boobesque]

i am sorry but that is way to young, my 13 year old brother has only just started staying in on his own and that is a couple of hours maximum.

Law wise i think (off the top of my head) that it is 12, if the child is deemed mature enough, this website seems to back that

http://faqs.derbyshire.gov.uk/static/Question27961.html

[Slooow_Jo]

I've had this problem also, I found explaining to my mum the dangers of her actions seemed to work...

Remember that 20 years ago was very different to how things are now, my mum had no worries about me & a neighbour the same age as me working the 15 minute journey to & from school alone.thankfully we was always safe.

I explained to my mum that I didn't want my son going out alone because of his poor road sense then told her of an incident that had happened although I was with.

Then when I told her of a friend who left her 16 year old with her 2 & 6 year olds to get milk from the shop, only to return to find them all in the front garden because the tv had blown up, It solved the 'home alone' problem.

But also remember that when you ask you mum to look after your daughter you are passing the responsiblty over also. Try & explain your fears to her is a nice way, be thankful she is willing to help you not all grandparents do.

Good luck x

[woofgang]

what's really scarey about this is that if social services think that this is risky behaviour, they can remove the children! Does your mum realise this?

[vespaboy]

My wife and I have only just started to leave our kids, girl just 14 and boy 10, on thier own. Even now I think this is too young.

How is it your mums responsibility to look after your daughter anyway? She is your child, you do the caring!

[loopey]

today was the first time i left my 11 yr old, for about 5 minutes while i popped to the top of our road to collect his brother even then i made him lock the door behind me.

[samferguson]

in response to vespaboys email, my mum only has responsibility wwhen i am at work but she doesnt take my views on board,she thinks shes right and i'm wrong!!!!!

[louadams6]

Hi samferguson

I recently picked up a safe parenting handbook and have just looked it up in there, here's what it says:

"The NSPCC have issued guidelines advising that children under the age of 13 should not be left alone. While this recommendation does not have the force of law, it is suggested as good practice. Children under this age do not have the maturity to manage the responsibility of being left alone."

[mimififi]

I occasionally leave my very mature 11 1/2 year old at home. It is only ever when I go to pick up siblings from playschool which is about 5 minutes away. I'm there and back inside 15-20 minutes. I make her lock all the doors, I always leave the dog there, and I dial in the phone number for her dad, which is then on the redial so that if she has to, she can phone him, even if it is only becuase she is lonely. I never leave her with younger siblings, she is too young to be responisble for anyone bar herself. And she is forbidden to open the door, or answer the phone and I tell her to stay away from the windows, just in case. She knows what to do in an emergency and knows how to call for the emergency services.

The reasons that I have left her is because she is home schooled. Often she is right in the middle of something when it is time to go out for the 20 minutes to get her sisters. She has begged me to let her stay home to finish what she is doing. I view this as a bridge of compromise between her wanting a bit more independence and me learning how to give it to her.If she does not want to stay home, I never make her. It is difficult to say you can't stay home on your own for 20 minutes, when other kids her age are riding the train alone with their friends to school everyday...

I think legally speaking, it is ok to leave her, but I know that technically speaking, if she were to come to any harm then they would look into whether or not I had been neglectful.

.

[mimififi]

9 is way too young IMO Apart from anything else, I would have thought your daughter would be lonely on her own for that length of time and could risk becoming quite introverted. I don't think the school would like it either if they found out she was going home to an empty house that would remain empty for that length of time. It was something we looked out for when I was teaching....Social services have been involved in situations of lesser degree than this, I think they would view it as neglectful

[kick3m0n]

mayeb you could show your mum this post, and let her read what others think? Good luck, this is a tricky one. A friend had a similar situation with her mum and it jsut got owrse and worse. Her Mum was constantly doing what she wanted with the wee one, despite her daughter giving her very good reasons why things should be done another way. Eventually, my friend ended up making alternative arrangements for her childcare as she knew if things continued, her Mum and her would end up estranged. She had to lie to her mum as to why, but it saved a massive fallout all round. She was also lucky in that she could afford to make these alternative childcare arrangements, which many working parents cannot do, hence the need for grandparents helping out. Good luck with this. Hope you get it sorted.

[JudgeJ]

Am I missing something here?

Why is your mum dictating what happens concerning the care of your daughter (presumably her granddaughter)? Are you (or her father) not in charge of her care?

Why are you having to consider leaving your child alone because her grandmother goes to work? Any legal information you discover should be used to clarify your responsibilities, not those of your mother, surely.

[sophieb]

I have to agree with JudgeJ. Surely you should be deciding what's best for your own child.My kids are 8 and 10 and have NEVER been without adult supervision EVER. I would never forgive myself if something happened to them. Being alone for 4-5 hours in the house is shocking enough but to then make her walk a mile home alone!!! Does your mother not realise that children can be taken from their own back garden!! I'm told i'm overprotective but I don't care and will continue to be until mine are much, much older!

[sweetie4]

hi i have 4 kids the eldest is 11/12 she is never left on her own for longer then 15 mins and thats only if shes too ill to go out. would not even consider leaving her with the others. think you should defo show this to your mum. had a prowler round here trying to get the kids. so even insist she gets the bus home from school every night .....walking just not an option these days.

[Brinjal]

Some countries it is illegal to leave small children o n their own. In New Zealand I think it is 14 and you cant have a babysitter younger than 14 even f it is a sibling. I would never leave my small children alone or to walk anywhere on thier own. Read the newspapers and watch the news. How many kids go missing each year.