Parents of Two or More?

[Otrere]

I have a daughter who turned 3 in November and have just discovered that I am pregnant with our second (was planned). Our daughter will be almost 4 when the tiddler is born at the beginning of September, and although I have "been there and done that", suddenley a whole new set of worries seem to have reared their head.

When and how do I tell my daughter of the impending arrival, how do I cope with two, what if my daughter gets jealous or aggressive towards the new baby? etc. etc. etc.

I am sure that there are hundreds of you out there who have been in this predicament with the same set of worries who can give me plenty of advice on the matter.

Thanks for your help in advance!!

[Drusilla]

Wow, deja vu!! I have two daughters aged 9 and 6 and felt exactly the same. The advice my Mum gave to me which seemed to work in our case was to involve my elder daughter in as much of the new baby's welfare as possible. We did lots of bonding and belly cuddling before the birth and I did my best to make her realise just how important a big sister was.
She took on the job of nappy monitor. If ever I needed a new nappy for the baby, she got it,even if she was slow or it was inconvenient. It tested my patience on occasion, but she always felt involved and not shut out.
My husband and I also set time apart in every day for one to one contact with her, so she never felt pushed aside. (I hope!)
It will be tiring rather than frightening, but I think you will find it's worth all the effort. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Liza B]

HI congrats on being pregnant again, don't worry, tell your daughter when your bump begins to show and involve her in what you are buying, look out some of her baby things and tell her about when she was little and how she will be a big sister, when you have the baby let her go to look at the baby in the hospital in her own time do not force her and let her know she is special being a big sister. You will be fine, she can help get changing things for the baby, if you are bottle feeding she could help hold the bottle if she wants.

My daughter was 26 months when we had twin boys, she was nearly 5 when we had another set, I did everything I have said above and it seemed to work for us, the only problem we had was everyone saying how special twins were, so we had to try and tell her she was special not being a twin, she loved helping out. They are now 17, 15 and 13 time does fly.

Believe me you can manage with two, just find your own routine thats suits your family and let people help if they offer. In no time at all you will not be able to imagine what it was like with one. You just adapt. I had to work out how to take 5 under 5's out on my own. I had a big silver cross twin pram, with twin boys attached onto the handle with reins (great invention) at either side and daughter holding onto the handle of the body of the pram, we must have looked some sight and got a lot of comments, but it worked, there was no other way and I am very independant. You do what you have to.

Enjoy them while you can. You will do just fine.

[wilky]

When your baby is born buy your elder daughter a gift from the baby as a hello present. Also let your daughter help you get things readyfor when the baby is born. playing an active part may make her feel involved. i worked for me.

[waterbaby123]

i am 25 and have 4 children aged 6, 5, 18 months and 3 months all i said to mine was mummys got a baby in her belly,then when it is born i let them hold the new arrival so they dont feel left out honestly its not hard and it will come to you naturally i know its not alot of advice but its a bit to help

[diana.m]

I had a 4year gap between my two boys. I agree with the other peoples answers. The older sibling must not feel left out because then resentments set in, so they need eye to eye contact when you are talking to them and making them feel involved. Give lots of cuddles to them and lots of good quality time. A four year gap is easier I think than a lesser gap, because four year olds are doing a lot for themselves. I found caring for my second child so much easier and a lot of mums say the same thing. I was more relaxed. My first son was so delighted with his brother and he loves and protects him, you are not taking anything away from your child you are giving him a sister or brother.

I told my son at about 5mths pregnant because he was playfully jumping on my stomach so I needed to explain why he should no longer do it. Your daughter may get very inpatient waiting for 9mths to pass!