is he too old

[truangel]

my daughter is 17 and she has recently got toghether with a family friend who is 29. now i know he is the perfect gentleman and the seem to be extremly happy. he treats her right and he isnt the type of man to go fo younger girls so please dont think hes dogy. if he was her age hed be perfect. they have everything in common. but is he too old or am i just being old fashioned they have known each other for a while so she isnt just having a crushi dont feel. but just like some advice

[jno]

In a way, it's up to her - she obviously feels comfortable with him, but there's a bit more to relationships than that. Shared experience is often important, and the experiences they've shared will be different because of their ages. Will she be wanting to go clubbing while he wants to settle down with a pipe and slippers? Well, I'm exaggerating a bit there. Twelve years is a gap, but not an impossible one. I would have thought that if they were happy together, and if they've talked through potential areas of conflict (when to have children together might be one), and they're both level-headed, then I'd say good luck to them. Perfect gentlemen are hard to find!

[sunnyside]

It seems a little strange that a 29 year old man would be interested in a 17 year old girl for anything other than,-she's nice looking and he's able to control her. But I've also known very immature 29 year olds guys and very mature 17 year old girls.

If she is someone that has always associated with older people, it's probably not a big thing.

I would really be cautious tho. She is still a minor, very young and vulnerable. He should be old enough to respect that and her parent's regard.

[boobesque]

my mum is 13 years younger than my dad, although she was a little older when they met. But the age gap has never been a problem and they are still together and will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary in june.

If he is nice and they get on as well as you say then it sounds perfect (i have a man like that now, wish i had him when i was 17!) you could always talk top them both about your worries, they soud very level headed and should be able put your mind at rest

[hannah333]

You have a tone to your question which makes you come accross like you are actually quite happy with the relationship, and it is just the very general stereotypical problems that you are worried about to do with the age gap. If these problems are just potential, and not actual, but they are still your biggest problems, then I think you most likely have nothing to worry about! Best of luck to them.

[lupen]

if age was a problem in the relationship then id be worried but otherwise i really dont think it matters. id be concerned too. people mature at different rates and you can never tell who someone is by how they look and age is a part of that.

[JuliaSix]

At 17 I was involved with a man aged 28. I fought my parents about the relationship, and the more they wanted me to end it - the more I was determined to stay with him. By the time I was 20 I realised that the age difference (as he wanted to be less socially outgoing) was stopping me doing what other girls of my age were doing.So I decided the relationship was not right for me and ended it. Although it's difficult, I'd say just wait and see and allow her to do what's right for her, but be prepared to support her if it ends.

[o8sp]

If he sounds as nice as you say then let them get on with it. my husband is 15 years older than me and we have been ogether 10 years now. i was 19 when we met and he was my first b/f. we now have 2 girls and the age thing really doesn't matter. good luck to them.

[spudqueen]

My God-daughter has been seeing an 'older' man for the last couple of years, she is 19 and he is 10 years older. He is a lovely bloke, and though her parents did worry about the age gap at first (and possibly still do) they are now engaged and seem very happy. I have said to the parents all along that there are a lot worse things than an age gap, she could go out with someone nearer her own age and he could be into drugs or could treat her badly. Leave them to it, she may well 'out grow' him as she gets older or they may be very happy together.

[Otrere]

If he was treating her badly THEN I'd be concerned. As Hannah333 said:

"You have a tone to your question which makes you come accross like you are actually quite happy with the relationship, and it is just the very general stereotypical problems that you are worried about to do with the age gap."

I think you should let his relationship naturally take its course. I know someone who is in her 20's and is married to someone who is 22 years older than her. She is quite old fashioned and mature for her age and she tells me he doesn't act almost 50 so they rub along together quite nicely. They are incredibly happy and have a baby son. So it just goes to show you that age isn't everything.

[stanleyman]

Stanleywoman was 18 just finishing A levels and I was 34 and divorced, her parents did not like it one bit but we are still together after 25 years and two lovely children.

Her sister also married an older man and my neice is going out with an older man.

I didn't feel I was older than her but I had a different view to when I was eighteen and just looking for fun and she wasn't interested in immature boys of her own age so it suited us both.