smacking?

[sonofthunder]

i smack my son (not hit) on the rare occassion he wont listen and he's out of control............i believe this is an act of love................most people were smacked when younger and respect that.....people who dont respect that, were probably hit?............but having said that i do recognise the abuse thing

[malaise]

If I saw someone hitting their child because they don't like the child's behaviour, am I entitled to go up and "smack" the adult because I don't like THEIR behaviour?

Think about it. If someone much bigger than you HIT you, you wouldn't like them very much. Hitting is the same as smacking. It HURTS. You're doing it with the intent to scare someone into submission.

You're also REINFORCING THE BELIEF THAT VOILENCE SOLVES PROBLEMS. It most certainly does not.

There has been screeds of research into punishment to control behaviour. It doesn't work, and leads to anxieties and distress. Haven't you ever watched Supernanny or The House of Tiny Tearaways? I'm also a psychologist and vehemently agree with the view that children must not be hit under any circumstances.

[Fat Boy]

Well Vic, first of all, in any given situation, I never have to say No, more than once (gosh! maybe it does work after all...). In fact, I rarely have to say No at all. I have never smacked my children and despite your predjudices, they are much better behaved than the majority of children I have ever met.

Not hitting a child has absolutely nothing to do with what you like to call anarchy. Just because I don't smack my children doesn't mean I don't set them rules & boundaries. In fact most people who know me tell me I am more strict than they are. Oddly enough it would appear that you can bring your children up with love and respect and still have them turn out to be happy, well behaved children. Weird huh?

You say most people over the age of 40 were smacked when they were kids and "the vast majority of these people are balanced, well adjusted human beings who do not go around attacking other people". They still think its OK to hit small children though.

Like I said, weak parenting.

[Oneeyedvic]

"Oddly enough it would appear that you can bring your children up with love and respect and still have them turn out to be happy, well behaved children. Weird huh?"

Yes and you can smack a child and still have them turn out to be happy, well behaved children. Weird huh?

So you can do both - but you choose to chastise and insult anyone for having a different method of upbringing? - What a great deal of respect you must teach your children - do as I do or you are wrong!


"Like I said, weak parenting."

If you want to beleive that every person over the age of forty had weak parents [ becasue they were smacked ] then that is your right.

Personally, I beleive that the majority of these people will actually love their parents and you are giving them a great disservice.

[Fat Boy]

If they're happy & well behaved then WTF do you smack them?

When did I say that none of these children loved their parents?

[dancealot13]

I was spanked as a child, and I love my parents more than life itself! They tought me respect, love, honor, and intelligence. I wouldn't trade that for anything. We didn't mouth back to our parents or swear. We did what we were told and grew up responsible and well mannered.

I understand why people disagree with hitting, but I don't agree that because you are hit by your parents means you hit others. I never hit my friends or became aggressive in result of being spanked. It also depends strongly on the childrens personalitys.

[Oneeyedvic]

"If they're happy & well behaved then WTF do you smack them?" - Are you now suggesting that children should never be punished if they overstep the mark? No, children are not 'happy and well behaved' 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. There are times when they require punishment (including smacking). They are 'happy and well behaved' the vast majority of the time.

"When did I say that none of these children loved their parents?" - you didn't as far as I know,and I haven't said that you said that (confused - I am ;-))

what you did say was that any parent who hit a child was a "weak parent". I said that you give the majority of parents of people over 40 a great disservice.

At the end of the day Fat Boy, we are hardly going to agree on this subject. Personally, i don't have a problem if you elect not to smack your children - that is your right. However, I do take offense at you dictating your values on to other people, and making people feel guilty for bringing up their children the way they see fit.

To answer the question - It is not illegal to smack your child in England. The prime minister [and trust me I am no admirer] has admitted he has smacked all of his children except Leo. Most people over the age of forty have been smacked. It is an accepted method of bringing up your child in the majority of countries. There are alternatives, and there are people who don't like it. It is illegal in some countries - Scotland and Denmark (I believe) spring to mind.

It is entirely up to you how you bring up your child so long as you comply with the law. Please do not feel that you have to justify yourself to me or to anyone else. You are not doing anything illegal by smacking your child. It is a moral dilema and no two people have the same sense of morality.

[Pippa68]

I believe smacking & hitting are 2 different things.

I agree with dancealot13 & Oneeyedvic. I was smacked as a child ~ by my own parents admission it 'wasn't needed often' but still happened nonetheless. I don't have a problem with smacking..it hasn't harmed me.

I remember babysitting when I was about 17 & the mum saying to me ''if he gets out of bed, smack him''. That horrified me ~ to think that a child has been systematically smacked simply for getting out of bed! bit of a sticky wicket really.

[sonofthunder]

yes i believe in smacking but only by parents

im not sure about it at school - what do you think?

[horselady]

I also consider a tiny tap on the hand to be a very different thing indeed to beating a child. My grandson aged 23 months was intently trying to remove the child safety cover from an electrical socket the other dayand poke a toy into it, I was watching him and I removed him from the socket area, distracted him, but still he went back to try again, after about 20 very firm "noes" I gave him one tap (and I do mean tap) on the hand. He cried, I cuddled and he didn't go near the socket again. Better a tap from me than electrocution I think.

[Fat Boy]

Vic.

I really don't care whether you have a problem with the way I raise children up or not. I do care that you and others think it's OK to hit children. You can dress it up as "love" or "discipline" or whatever you like but I find that offensive. Has it never occurred to you that you can bring children up to not overstep the mark in the first place?

And sorry to disappoint you, but my children are happy & well behaved virtually 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Whilst I've been posting on this thread I've been racking my brains for the last time I had to even tell my children off, let alone "punish" them. And I can't really remember. The last time I remember having to tell one of them off was sometime last year for cheating in a game (and guess what? All I had to do was say "no". Didn't have to hurt them or anything. Can you imagine that?).

I can remember the last time I had to "punish" one of them. It was January 2004, for trying to trick the babysitter into allowing them to use the computer when we had said they couldn't. I told my son off, made him apologise to the baby-sitter and stopped his pocket money for one week. He took his punishment like a man, with maturity beyond his years and made me very proud of him, even though he'd been busted. Whatever you like to think, my kids are not some real life version of Ned Flanders' children - they are simply a clear cut example of what you can achieve without resorting to violence to get your own way.