my son doesn't want his dad

[harrassed]

my son has had very little to do with his dad since he was 6 months old.my partner was an abusive heavy drinker and visits with my son were spent in the pub or in some hotel waiting for his dad to shake off the hangover.My son has told the relevant authorities that he hates his dad and wants nothing to do with him.We have tried supervised visits(my son cried the entire time and was physically sick) we tried indirect contact-whereby his dad could send letters (he rarely did)but my son destroyed them without reading them.

It is breaking my heart to see my son upset and frustrated at the adults whom he says he doesnt trust to do the right thing.

We are going through court but 5 years on we are still at square 1.

Any one else got through this please.

[tomestone]

www.poitiveresults.co.uk,try this

[little coojy]

i had simular problem with my 3 kids and there dad, he didn't always show up when he was supposed to any way, he was violent and into allsorts i stopped the contact my self, went out when ever he was due etc, he never bothered about it any more probably didnt turn up those times anyway, my kids all no if they want to see him its ok but they dont, its been 6 years now and they still feel the same. they should be able to make there own minds up with out the influence of anyone else.

[electricblue]

Kids are so aware of whats going on around them and are perfectly able to make up their own minds but sadly are not always considered when the 'powers that be' decide what must be good for them,your ex seems to have destroyed any relationship with his son,but hopefully your son will grow up a hell of a lot wiser,knowing how to really treat someone properly,its a shame that the demon drink is such a powerful hold on people,my hubby is a drinker and i know how my kids feel about it and me,he's destroying everything!

[JoShrink]

I'm not sure of your son's exact age, or how insistent his father is about seeing your son, but my basic feeling is, a child should not be forced to spend time alone with someone he/she hates or fears. I am also not sure of the nature of the abuse, whether it was to you or to your son or both (your son could be just as traumatized if he saw you being abused as he would be if he was the sole victim), or whether his father still has a serious drinking problem. I know we here in the states see therapists more readily than you do, there, but it might be a good idea to get some help dealing with this and helping your son work though his feelings, with a psychologist or counselor. This is too complicated a situation for a "quickie" answer.

[raysparx]

I am a man and when I hear of other blokes behaving like this it makes me puke, His father does not deserve to have children, hope it works out for you,your lad is better off without a cretin like that,

Good luck.... Ray

[huge piles]

dear harrassed...

sounds like your old partner is a a real screw up, and if he spent his time with his wee one in the pub, i'd suggest that he has little interest, and would let the visits slowly pale out... sounds like he doesn't want the little one around anyway, cos he's just a ball-and-chain around his neck...

i'm a father and my partner and i are divorced, but we kept it all amicable... so important, but in your case not applicable... i'm not a perfect father, but i do try, and i can tell you that i collect my wee boy every friday, and we have all weekend together... trying to make it quality time... sometimes i have taken him somewhere he didn't initially wanna go (like a museum, but he invariably enjoyed bein out once he got there...) but especially not the pub, FFS !!

try to get rid of this guy's interference... contact social work and explain the emotional problems that you wee one is having...

[harrassed]

thanks for the replies.I am in court next week so I will let you all know how I get on.Cheers.be lucky everyone.