Not enough access?

[minxy4425]

My soon-to-be ex-husband only sees our 16-month-old daughter between the hours of 10 am and 7 pm on a Sunday. He refuses to look after her overnight at any time, so I never get a night off.

Does this seem unfair, not just to me but to our daughter, or am I being a tad sensitive about the whole issue?

[madham]

Perhaps being a tad over sensitive, BUT if he is being such a git about contact, then she is better with her mother who loves her and does 98% of everything she needs for her.

Stick with it, keep doing a good job, she will thank you for it as she gets older :0)

[Aliceband]

you are not being over sensitive. Being a (soon to be) divorced mum myself with children. It grates on me how much "free" time my ex has.

Your ex husband is missing out. His loss.

[Bohne]

Yes, it sounds unfair, but I don't think there's much point in trying to force him to take his daughter against his will.

I don't think it would be beneficial to either of you.
He might get more inclined once she is older.
I think many men are a bit afraid of babies.

See if you can get him to pay for a baby sitter once in a while, why should you not get some time off occassionally.

[kazzianne]

He is being totally unfair - but there's not much you can do about it.And do you really want him to have your daughter more when he clearly doesnt seem to enjoy having her?She is better off with a good mum like you.Do you not have any family that can give you a break?

[Maggie-Mae]

Yes it is unfair Minxy and I have experienced the same situation myself. I had a battle just to get my ex to agree to have my daughter for one night and one day at the weekend. He flatly refuses to have her anymore than that and even though he has nearly 5 weeks holiday a year, hardly ever offers to have her when he's off work. Im sure someones going to have a go at me for saying this but it just seems that theres too many fathers out there that feel like their doing their children's mother some sort of favour by having the kids for just a few hours. I know not all fathers are like that, so please fellas, dont all start having a go but if we are completely honest, there are alot of fathers who dont really do their share. I have had to have dates and times set in stone with my ex otherwise he ends up taking the p*** by asking to drop her back early or saying he cant have her when he should. Dont back down Minxy, the extent of his parenting responsibilities didnt end when you two split up, he needs to understand that.

[noxlumos]

hello minxy, I'm a man but with sole custody of my children from my first marriage and to be honest you're beating your head against a brick wall trying to make someone who doesn't want contact with their kids , have contact.My ex-wife made it blatantly apparent when we split up she wanted as much money/property as possible and used the kids as a bargaining tool. She said she'd go for full custody unless I let her have virtually everything even though in her own words she "couldn't stand the kids". Naturally I gave her what she wanted and she breezed out of their lives. They have sent her birthday cards, christmas cards, they have invited her over and asked if they can see her, she's never once sent them anything or agreed to see them unless absolutely necessary.If they phone her she's nearly silent on the other end of the phone and finally a couple of yers ago they pretty much gave up. It was really hertbreaking. So if I were you, I'd just accept the person your ex is and all his faults, as trying to make him take more of an interest in your daughter will actually I believe make it harder on her.

The upside is that they regard my second wife as their mother now, and we have no interfering form their natural mother ( whose a class one bitch as you can see) and that they are very happy, but it was an error on my part to think that having contact with their mother would be good for them at all costs, it just upset them and I wish I'd not encouraged it.

[lynlockwood]

Is there a reason why he won't have her? Is he anxious about coping with a baby? I know it sounds a bit pathetic but I have heard men say they were scared of their kids when they were babies and didn't bond with them until they were two or three years old. he is missing out but then so is your daughter if the relationship can't develop.

[minxy4425]

Thank you to all of you who have answered so far.

To answer the queries raised by some of you:-

I don't have any family nearby so have no means of emotional support from that side. I think part of the problem is that my ex plays on that fact.

He DOES have a good relationship with our daughter and is able to cope with her very well, so it's not that he finds her hard to handle. He just chooses to limit his time with her to those hours on a Sunday. On a couple of occasions when I've asked him to look after her for a bit longer, his stock response is "I have plans. I am entitled to a life too, you know."

Sorry, this is now turning into a rant, which was not my aim! I'm just at my wits' end trying to work out why he is so dismissive of his responsibilities as a parent to this wonderful creature we created, and I worry that it's going to have a detrimental effect on her over time.

[kazzianne]

minxy - have you actually tried to ask him over for a coffee and a chat,if this is at all possible,and say you would like to talk to him? Then say that if you two had still been together he would have been totally involved in her life,so now that you have separated,why does he feel he has to almost remove himself from your daughters life? Its not her fault you arent together anymore is it.Tell him you think he is very good with her and she loves being with him.Maybe you could agree on one night a week and see how it goes.If he wont budge then I would give up and decide that its his loss in the long run.

[awaw]

thats the way it goes i'm afraid.my ex husband has our 8yr old 4 nights a month and i worry the whole time his with him as my ex is a complete idiot.

[raysparx]

Hi minxy, speaking as a man,his attitude is beyond me,our children when they are growing are such precious things that it should be a pleasure to look after them not a chore,he does not deserve to be a dad, does he still think he has no responcibilities? babies don't ask to be born,they should be loved and wanted,tell him to get stuffed, I will close now because I can feel myself getting more and more annoyed, Take care, Ray xx