Effects of passive smoking on my son

[kazzianne]

I really dont know quite what to do.My ex has my son every week saturday eve to monday morning when he takes him to school.He is a very very heavy smoker - he didnt use to be,but the past year he has gone from 10 a day to 60.He looks and sounds dreadful.But it is the effect on my son that is worrying me.He has a constant cough and chest infections.He smells so badly of stale smoke when he comes home on the monday that I have to boil all his clothes,including his school bag and pencilcase.And shower him and wash his hair straight away.

I have spoken to my ex about this and he keeps promising to not smoke aroung my son,but he doesnt keep it up for more than a day.When I dropped son at his on sat I could see into the lounge and it was full of ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts.I have told him how worried I am about my sons health and that he was being very unfair.Ive even printed out the effects of passive smoking on the internet,but to no avail.He just says he will try harder but doesnt.

Im at the point where I dont want my son to go round there,but he would be devastated as he adores his father.

Am I worrying too much or is this as serious as I think?

[Amara]

This is really serious, smoking passively is as bad as actually doing it especially for a child whose lungs are smaller and more vulnerable than an adults. The likelihood of Ear infections, chest infections, asthma, as well as the longer term diseases are greatly increased. I had this exact same problem a few years ago with my Ex husband, it ended up where he carelessly burned my son on the face with a cigarette when he was just a baby. That was when I put a stop to visits until he agreed not to smoke. What does your son feel about the smoking? I think I would stop the visits until he stop the smoking. Love and light - Amara xx

[kazzianne]

my son hates the smoking - he has told his dad this,and he tries for a day maybe to smoke in the garden only.But then it gets to the evening and he cant be bothered to go outside as its cold,so he carries on inside.The trouble is that if I stop the visits it will devestate my son and I will be the bad guy.I just cant believe that he is being so irresponsible.

[Amara]

Kazzianne - this is so worrying for you as a caring parent. But you must do what is best for your son's health. Is your son old enough to understand if you explain to him why the smoking is bad and tell his dad this, you never know it might make him realise the harm he is doing by smoking. I know you don't want to stop the visits but you must protect your son, even if it makes you unpopular for a little while. Your ex is the one who is at fault here and not you. Your son will understand this - Bright blessings - Amara xx

[kazzianne]

My son is almost 7 yrs old so he is aware af the problem Im just trying very hard not to seem as though I am putting his dad down to my son.I have spoken to my ex's parents about my worries and they are fuming with him

[Amara]

I think I would explain to my son that I would not expose him to cigarette smoke anywhere, ( thank God it is banned in most places anyway nowadays). And that it is not because of any other issues with his Dad, that you love him and do not want his health to suffer. I realise that it is really difficult to give up smoking, but equally if he loves his son he will at least make the effort to smoke outside. Unfortunately sometimes these things are done as a way to get to you and absolutely nothing to do with the best interests of the child. Stick to your guns with this, it is too important. Amara xx

[metagirl]

i agree, you don't want to keep your son from visiting his dad but he needs to change his smoking habit. i think you are right to get help not only from your son but from your former in-laws as well - the only thing that works with smokers is a heavy guilt trip. if he doesn't want to change his ways after your team effort then can you suggest he make his visits at another place - the granparents, perhaps? what a shame though - its ony giving up smoking on the weekends!

[nik1971]

whats wrong with smoking outside?

has this man got no worries about the effect this is having on his sons health? this is really serious!

i had a similar problem with my boys when they were little,going to their das for the day and coming back smelling of smoke,after numerous requests for him to take his smoking outside when the kids were there,i put a stop to the visits at his house and he would have to come to mine,although we were on good terms it wasnt pleasent for him or me and the kids for this to happen BUT after a couple of weeks my ex realised that smoking outside was a better idea than spending the day with his ex wife!!

its not fair on your son for his dad to do this to him, 60 a day is quite a habit and he must feel the effects of this,and selfishly puts this on his son too. stop the visits untill he sorts himself out,explain to your son why your so worried and im sure he will understand.

nik.x

[888sally888]

I wouldn't tolerate this having seen my dad die of lung cancer due to smoking. Your poor son - I feel sorry for him. I think you can either encourage your son to tell his dad how much he hates the smelly smoke or refuse to let him go there until your ex is more thoughtful.

My fiance smokes, but ALWAYS outside and then eats gum before coming back in.

Even then my 2 daughters moan at him!!