Bullies

[vivalamojo]

My kid is a target of bullies at school and because of it has a hard time making friends. What advice can I give him? I can't keep protecting him because he says it makes it worse...

[saxy_jag]

And it does, believe me.

Encourage him to become interested in something, maybe join an after-school club or become involved in something outside school. He'll probably find that once he becomes involved in something like that, he'll stop worrying about friends and he'll have gained a few without realising. Most likely he'll stop noticing the bullies too, and when he does that, they'll give up trying to frighten him.

Do encourage him to talk an adult at school about it though. It doesn't have to be a teacher or counsellor - dinner ladies and teaching assistants can be very good listeners.

[new_mummy06]

I agree.

I was bullied throughout my school life and it made my life hell, the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I had joined the army cadets and had that to focus on. Not only that, it gave me more confidence. Why dont you get him/her to try something like that or maybe a contact sport?

Just keep reassuring your child that its not their fault and that the bullies are sad, pathetic people. And one day they will get their comeuppance.

[tigerthecat]

speak to kidscape who will give you the advice from people who have been in this position so many times before. Do not under estimate the impact on your son :-)

[vehelpfulguy]

There is no excuse for any school to accept a child being bullied (although bullying can take all forms, not just physical).

Go see the head teacher, or form teacher, and say how concerned you are.

Dont accept them fobbing it off.

All schools have a duty to stamp out bullying.

[wii man]

i ,being 12 know that you should never involve a teacher(especially a dinner lady) beacuse they will not do one thing to help. do you know why your child is getting bullied

[cazzie_babe]

how about a confidence building sport?

[vivalamojo]

These all sound like good ideas. What would you consider a confidence building sport?

[saxy_jag]

Wii man, I'm sorry the staff at your school are so bad at their jobs. I know yours isn't the only school in that situation, but sometimes there are staff out there who do actually care. I remember many of the kids at my sons' primary school used to go and talk to the crossing warden if they had a problem. Not that she could do very much, but it was often enough that she had the time to listen and care. I was bullied too, and my teachers were the same as yours - all they were worried about was what grades I got. When
I worked as teaching assistant/youth worker, I always made a point of listening to the kids in my charge and watching out for anyone being bullied. I think it's something you're more attuned to if you've been bullied yourself. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I had to.

Viva, if you can afford it, riding is a great confidence booster, and a good socialiser too. Then there's swimming, which is a lot cheaper, and again, if your son joins a swimming club, he'll like as not make few like-minded friends and have a bloomin' good time (we used to tell the junior team that their coach was going to buy fish & chips all round if they won their galas).

Can I also cite music here? This is mainly because banding is my hobby and I've seen it make great changes in kids. Having done it for some years I've had the advantage of seeing timourous little beginners grow into confident, skilled young adults who are respected by everyone. There's a wide range of music, instruments and bands/orchestras out there - he's bound to find something to suit.

[lightoftruth]

may i ask does your child go to a state or private school? i found the avenues of approach vary between the two types