help needed

[total novice]

Hello, i have just found out my 13 year old son is having sex and i dont have a clue what to do about it. I have never had girls come to my home when i aint around and they werent allowed in his room they were always supervised. I was a young mum and i am terrified of the same thing happening to him i was 17 when i had him and i know how hard it is to bring up a child. The girl who he was with i thought when they were at her home they were also supervised but i was wrong they were left in her home alone and the mother of the girl also let them go to her room unsupervised. Please help me i dont know what to do for the best

[electricblue]

ya know,when a teenager wants to do something they will do it,as its happening theres no way of turning back the clock,as IAP says,all you can do is talk to him pleasantly,let him know you're there and get the protection thing sorted out,of course its not just pregnancy its other nasty things too,talk to him but dont come on heavy,it'll just make them all the more determined,good luck!

[gheko]

The worst thing you can do is make him feel in any way that you are unhappy about this, as then if he has a problem he will not come to you and it may be too late to help him if he needs it by the time you find out. Talk to himabout being responsible and remind him of the risks involved, not only healthwise but emotionally, too.

[ChuffingHell]

I do feel that the law is reasonable to say 16 is the age of consent but punishing him is only going to drive him away from you at a time where he needs to be able to talk to you on what is a rather embarrassing subject to be discussing with one's mum!

Don't know how you found out but I think you ought to sit down with him and discuss the potential implications. If he told you about it, this will be easier.

Perhaps a discussion with her mum would be a good idea, suggesting that she has the same chat with her daughter. You can't make her do that but you need to make sure that your son is informed of the risks.

Also have a look on the net for informative books on a 'teenagers guide to sex' or even websites.

Good luck!!

[Gef]

You don't mention the girl's age but if she is under 16 your son, I think, could be found guilty and put on the Sex Offenders list.

There have been a few cases recently where underage couples consented to sex but the girls' parents made a complaint and the boy was prosecuted.

I am not trying to alarm you but I think your son should be aware of the facts, if I am correct.

Good luck.

[dudda]

hi ime 26 and i lost my virginity at 14.. to a 16yr old girl.. and after the first time i wanted more bit like beer . like any other lad i love sex ..at 13 all ur mate are all talkin about it and saying they doing it but only a few are he happens to be 1 of the few at a guess id say he listens to rock got peircings and his girl is probly the same to,, just a guess. ime into rock to . most likly drinks and smokes which smokin shud stop .. all you can do is be there and try to talk on his level say summit like i know it sounds gay but i wanna talk to u id rather know than not know,,about you, if they go to yours ask them to leave bedroom door open dont hang upstairs tho, if he listens to rock try to get to him through music lyrics of his bands cus they make sense to him.. like linkin park.. ive tried so hard and got so far in the end ,, it doesent even matter, some good bands are limp bizkit. boiler nine inch nails closer , linkin park, numb slipknot. my plauge. korn, adidas. my awnsers mad but hay boys of 13 understand 1 thing nothing and this is what they think.. your full of crap and know nuffing. kevin and perry syndrome...

[total novice]

well i am taking him to a young persons family planning clinic to get advice and condoms. Whether this is right i really havent got a clue.

I have the girls home number and i was going to ring her but after one post i dont know whether that would be right as it was consented and my son could get into so much trouble not that i approve one bit. I am also angry at the fact this girls mother has left them in the house unsupervised and up in her bedroom when she was there which i have made sure my son has never been left in the home without supervision at any point. I feel so confused about the right thing to do in this situation. I have spoken to him give him all the information about aids, pregnancy, STI and the law. Since talking to him he has opened up more to me and in fact he was 12 when he first had sex i am so shocked.

[WendyS]

I must confess to being incredibly old fashioned about this but in my view a 13 year old having sex is totally unacceptable, although I accept entirely that it's not your fault that this has happened.
I would take him on one side, tell him it's unacceptable and totally against the law, and I would have a word with the girl's parents and point out to them that their child is also breaking the law and that you do you want them ever being alone together unsupervised. I know hormones are starting to rage at this age, but where do you draw the line on your children breaking the law? Would you buy him gloves to protect him from being fingerprinted if you discovered he was burgling houses or driving stolen cars? Buying him condoms is really no different and you're condoning his behaviour, however much you want to protect him from himself..
He's old enough now to understand what is legal and what is not, and if he doesn't understand how to start exercising some self discipline now, what sort of adult will he grow up to be?
You have your own personal experience to go on. Be tough with him, and talk seriously to the girl's parents, otherwise sadly you may find that history is sadly repeating itself again a generation later. He's not an adult. He's a child of 13 and your tough guidance and supervision now may prevent him from making a horrible mess of his life later on which he may live to regret.

[smithy33@bti]

need to talk to him seriously either of them could get prosecuted and alot of people call wolf theres alot of unwanted pregnancies be careful and good luck it never sinks in till its too late

[total novice]

I took my son to the family planning clinic for young people and they were a brilliant support. They explained all about the urges teens get and how to try and deal with them. She also went into detail about STI's and the law.

My son seemed to take it in alot better when explained by a third party and the seriousness of the situation in a way he understood. I feel so much better to know he actually listened and seemed to take on board it wasn't just his mum having a go at him but it was true everything i said.

They offered him condoms and he said he wanted to go away and think and didnt want to take them. I do think that boys/men have a bad time with the law on this. To find out that if my son was to have sex with a 15 year old girl and he is 13, he would be the one in trouble not the girl. i do think it is very harsh on the male. I do agree with the law on the age of consent and feel this is still to young.