19 yr old paying keep

[suzi-q]

I put this in parenting but always seem to get better response from body and soul so here goes...

My 19 yr old son lives with his granddad tues - fri as he works for him. He comes home on a friday night, puts his washing on. Then he has a long shower, changes and goes out clubbing. All of which is fine. We hang out his washing for him. He is out most of the weekend generally and hes not a bad kid.

But ... because he's paying for his own car and insurance which is a lot ... I only ask him for �10 per week keep. This was originally for the weekend from fri to sun but now hes staying monday night as well as hes at college on the monday.

Then off he goes on Tues morning back to grandads. The problem is when hes not going to be around for the weekend, i.e. he comes home friday and then goes off for the weekend visiting his uni friends or whatever, he doesnt want to pay the �10. I said he should because its housekeeping not food money but he gets really stroppy and says why should he pay it when he doesnt eat or use anything over the weekend. He also told his step dad to butt out as it was none of his business.

How can I get it across to him that he needs to pay this contribution towards the running costs of the house whether hes there or not. He just makes me feel like a money grabbing bitch to be honest.

By the way, he earns nearly �200 per week at 19 and we dont earn an awful lot more ourselves and although we are not on the breadline, we dont have a lot of money for ourselves and go without quite a lot to make sure we can afford the mortgage bills etc.

suzi-q Mon 02/10/06 15:24

[angeldraws]

Funnily enough - you put them both in parenting.....didnt you....? Lol

[chitchat]

Sorry suzi-q but I agree with your son - if he is not there using electric and food then for �10 is it really worth all the trouble? It would be different if he was on the mortgage then he would have to contribute. He's still quite young and although its great that you are trying to instill responsibility in him I wouldnt let him upset you over �10. But the next time he wants to borrow money though (if he does) then you can tell him politely where to go! Bit rude of him to tell his step dad to butt out though.

[lastchance]

tell him if he doesn't want to pay to keep his room available, that you are thinking of getting a lodger who will pay, and infact will pay more!

[shazzzz]

ten pounds is nothing to pay i was paying that twenty three years ago your boy will find it very hard when he moves out show him the yellow card and talk to his grandad for support in this matter

[joycey2006]

u have to give it the tough love thin gnow and when he comes home for the weekend dont wash his clothes tell him to go to the laundrette and stand firm �10 is nothing

[sharpy36]

My parents took �20 of my �50 wagies back in "81",it hurt(a lot),but i knew it was right.Today,my 16 year old daughter,dont pay a thing,although she earns around �100 at the weekend.She spends her money wisely,cloths,laptop and pets.She is in sixth form,and all the time she acts responsably she has my blessing.She`s my responsability till the day i die.Not the other way round.

[suzi-q]

In answer to Sharpy, Im not quite sure what point you are putting across?

My son works full time and earns �200 pw. He pays me �10 for a 4 night stay. The reason for this is that he is buying a car and the insurance is very expensive. But I think Im right in asking for a contribution on a level he can afford.

Ive always thought of my boys as my responsibility but I don't think they are my responsibility till the day I die. Do you still think your parents are responsible for you? At some time in your life you have to stand on your own 2 feet, be it at 18, 21 or when you leave home whatever.

My dad is very supportive, as I hope I will always be to my boys, but he is not responsible for me anymore and hasn't been for many a year.

By the way I also have a 16 year old working part time and he doesnt pay me anything towards keep. I dont ask him to. The only thing I ask him to pay is his own mobile bill.

[brightbreeze]

My parents always took 1/3 of my wages every week. When I first met my husband I found myself popping home on payday to pay them thier keep, even though I was never home the rest of the week.
I think paying keep whether you are there or not helps prepare you for the real world where the rent/mortgage needs paying even if you are not home due to holidays.