clingy toddler!

[monkeemayhem]

hello, would like your opinions on the situation I find myself in with my 2 year old boy. He has suddenly become incredibly clingy and its getting worse! I think its upsetting my husband too as our son pushes him away to get to me. It is my own fault, I started taking him to nursery 4 weeks ago but was unable to leave him there on his own as he screamed for the whole 2 hours the 1st time I left him there. I took him 4 times again but he got very upset if I left the room, as long as I sat in the corner and he could see me, he would play fairly happily. i have decided not to take him til after xmas, maybe hes 2 young to be going to nursery. He doesnt have any brothers or sisters and I wanted him to meet other children and I guess learn social skills. I leave him with his dad (he works at home) for 3days a week and I have him with me at work for the rest of the week, but he gets very, very upset when I leave him with his dad to go to work. I have tried explaining to him mummys going but I'll be back later, but it seems to make it worse so I've started getting him involved in something and sneaking away, which I know is the wrong way to handle the situation but then I don't get to see him getting upset when he realises I've gone. its all a bit of a mess and i'm not sure how to handle this, i'm afraid it will get worse before it gets any better. does anyone have any useful tips or ideas on how to deal with this problem?

[cyanide]

I really do sympathise with you,i went through the very same thing 16 years ago!The only thing you can do is grin and bare it,toddlers test you all the time and push you to see if they can win,i had to leave my son clawing at the carpet saying"let me die!"I can laugh at it now but at the time i felt like the worst mother in the world,try inviting other people from the nursery who he is fond of to your house then he might slowly start to see the whole experience as fun,one day when i took my son he totally changed and just waved goodbye to me without any fuss,the staff probably thought i`d drugged him!Keep it up,your`e in charge even though i know it`s one of the worse feelings a parent can have.Good luck.

[curiosity]

Be relieved! He is normal. Separation Anxiety is a normal developmental stage which doesn't last long and occurs somewhere between the 12 - 30 month age. It comes as you have described, and leads you to believe there is some sort of abnormal fear or problem. It is actually caused by the development of his understanding, and that there is only one of you. However advice is not to sneak away, as this can make him more anxious, a set routine for goodbyes is better in the long run. I recommend googling Separation anxiety normal child development, and you'll get some sites with explanations and help. Sorry I don't know how to do links.

[SarahSam]

It happens, and then it goes. My lad was too young for nursery at 2, and at 6months later he charged in as though I wasn't there.

Separation Anxiety is terrible, but it is a real thing. They discover that you can go away from them, as opposed to them choosing to go from you, if you see the difference. it's a shock for them.

Good luck.

[Solarjunkie]

What really helped my son was describing what I was going to be doing when we were apart - the vacuuming, the washing up, boring things that were familiar but not what he wanted to join in with.
In the short term, no wonder he's worried to let you out of his sight if when he does sometimes you disappear! Teach him gently that you come back, starting with 30 seconds away and building up gradually.

The concept of "later" is very difficult for a small child; all he knows is that you are not there NOW and that absence is going to last an unknown amount of time - could it be forever?