Hello, I really think you need to be watching nanny 911 or one of those programmes, cause what they do works.
The would make a list of rules, respect, no hitting etc..
put them on the wall and have a chart.
Let them know what will happen if they do not stick to the rules. so you decide do you want to ground them or take their stuff away. I did it and I took all my kids stuff away and they had to earn it back bit by bit!! It does work honest!
When they get so many good points on the chart each day then they get something back or they get a treat.
You need to find a new serious face and let them know that you mean it and get your husbands 100% support.
Make the rules to gether.
If they fart, without saying excuse me, they lose a fav toy or a chart star. same if they are rude at any time... also try and eat meals together and each meal that goes well is a HUGE thing so reward well.
Also without all this horribleness going on you can have family time once a week and start talking to your daughter about puberty and help her understand her feelings!!
Good Luck xx