Hi all! Advice needed please xx

[daffidazey]

I posted a while back stating that mine and my husbands relationship was not going too well, and that I had feelings for someone else but hadn't done anything about it. I decided to talk to my husband and make our marriage work. I found out at christmas that my husband was cheating and that he'd also been lying about quite a few other things, that was the last straw for me and i took my kids and walked out. I got back in touch with the man i had feelings for and we have carried on talking since, but thats all we do. He says he wants to move nearer me but 5 months down the line he hasn't, if I question him he says to be patient he still has things to sort at that end. I'm not sure if he is stringing me along or not! To make things more complicated I have met someone here that gives me butterflies, we have been for a drink a couple of times and at the weekend we kissed. He makes me feel amazing but he has been single for a long time and I'm not sure if he is looking for a relationship, I know I have strong feelings for the original man but I have never experienced the whole butteflies thing before! Sorry this is a bit long winded! lol! But my question is - What do I do? Who do I go for? Or should i just give up all together? Please advice as best as you can. Many thanks xx

[Doc Spock]

Don't take any advice. Go with your instincts. Best of luck BTW.

[4getmenot]

Maybe this man you had feelings for is waiting a while because the first time you chose your husband and only went to him when your husband cheated on you. Cant have helped than mans confidence and maybe he wants to be sure before he falls for you and you possible do it again. Give it time, who says you need a man at all.

[Reverandfunk]

Whats the saying? Out of the frying pan....

[fine,thanks]

into the fire !

[Rubyrose]

4getmenot is right. You might have knocked his confidence a bit... but at the end of the day... you don't have to choose anyone just because you promised or feel oblidged.... go with your heart... follow your instincts!

Don't choose a man just because you know he wants a relationship.. pick the one you like the most.. then you will know you were true to yourself.. and who knows... it may all work out for the best!

I heard something in a program the otherday.. this woman was reading her wedding vows to her partner and she said
"I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you have erased them all, because each mistake has lead me to you"

I found that so sweet and so true!

[4getmenot]

Personally I think you need to be happy in yourself first and stop relying on a bloke to full fill your life.

[daffidazey]

Hmmmmmm

[4getmenot]

what do you think now daffi?

[daffidazey]

Thanks for all your comments. To be honest at the end of the day to find out my husband was cheating was a relief because I knew it wasn't him I wanted to be with. That sounds awful doesn't it? I really do have feelings for this man and thought it was him I wanted to be with. To have this other person come along was totally unexpected, it's the whole butterflies thing, it is something I have never had before so it's confusing me.

[4getmenot]

you're lucky he did cheat then because it seems like you'd settle for what you didnt want anyway. I'm sure this other bloke just wants to take things slow. But its hard with the butterflys with this other guy. Maybe coz its all just exciting, take some time out and see who you miss most.

[Rubyrose]

You are lucky he cheated because you got to walk away and sort of got a second chance at life! I can't think of anything worse than staying in a loveless marriage... for the sake of children or assets! I have made a promise to myself that I will never stay unless I am happy... and I hope that is a promise I stick to!

My parents aren't happy and haven't been for years but they are still 'together' (in what sense of the word though, I am not sure?) and it is obvious they stayed for us! I don't want to be responsible for them being unhappy! I'd rather they split up and were happy than stayed to try and make us happy!

But.. on the other hand.. my friend and her husband have 2 young children and they have split up about 3 times in the last 3 years and he has moved out and then back in again.. I think you need to really look hard at what you want and go for it... no looking back... you will always want the things you left behind but merely out of the wonder of what could have been.

When you make your descision.. try not to go back on it.. and mess people around but make sure you make the right one in the first place!

[daffidazey]

I settled for what I thought was best for my children. He has a good job, I only worked part time so i could be there to drop off and pick up the kids from school. We had a reasonable house, a car and trips away, I know these things aren't everything, but with the other man money would have been very tight and I wouldn't be able to give my children what they were getting. I know now that this was wrong because my children are happier than they have been in a long time and I'm guessing that is because I am happy now too, we have a nice little rented house half the size of what we had but we love it. I thought my decision was made and I was going to sort myself out then make a new life with the original man but it just comes down to this butterflies thing, as it is something i have never felt I don't actually know what it means! I can't get him out of my head, just thinking about him puts the stupidest grin on my face! my work mates keep asking me what i'm on! lol! xx

[daffidazey]

Hi Ruby! That is what I am trying to do, I don't want to mess around because of my children. I'm just sooooo confused!! xx

[ChuffingHell]

Can you not just see how things go?? If nothing has actually happened with the first guy then you you're not cheating or anything.

I would tell other guy to get in touch when he does move and tell him you're not going to wait around and that you're going on a date with another guy in the mean time and see how things go. he may not be looking for anything long term but theres no harm in enjoying yourself.

The only problem that you may face right now is that guy #1 may move to be near you which - if you decide you don't like this first chap - is rather unfair. As such, you should probably be honest with him.

[4getmenot]

never stay with anyone because of children. If you are unhappy then can see that too. sounds to me you should go for this new one if he's making you this happy. xx

[daffidazey]

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xx

[Rosenicola]

Hi there,

Fair enough this guy who has been making you wait 5 months has to make a proper decision, but i don't think i would sit around for that long, especially if he isn't fulfilling promises to me.

If this new guy gives you butterflies and you have fun with him, why not just see him in the meantime and see what happens.

The best thing is that you don't 'have' to make any decisions.

Leave yourt roptions open, but try not to hurt anyone in the process.
Do what you think is right for YOU and i'm sure things will fall into place.

But for now, just have some fun. I don't by any means mean to sleep around or anything, just get to know PPL and stuff.

Butterflies win with me everytime and it's a great feeling, but maybe i'm just a sucker.

Goodluck
xx

[daffidazey]

HI rosenicola. I'm strarting to wonder if original man is dragging his feet of if he does need time to make his decision, but 5 months does seem to be a long time. The butterflies man, WOW is all I can say about him! lol! but does this feeling last? Maybe I should give myself a timescale of 2months or so to see where it goes. But then what if original man then decides to move? Like ChuffingHell said I wouldn't want him to move and then nothing happen, that isn't fair on him.

[4getmenot]

You shouldn�t base all this on what ifs, or well he might not be interested so I should go for other one, that is not fair on them. And as for waiting my new bloke waited a few months for me because I was messed up and had to be sure. But he loved me so he waited.