help, before I go nuts!!!

[silver_fox]

Hi,

I know this should go in the family section, but, for the sake of my soul & my son's body (before I kill him!) can you please help......It'll probably be a long one so bear with me!!

We seem to be having a couple of problems with our son, he is a bright, intelligent and mostly happy 4yr old, but lately he seems to have gone through some sort of personality transplant!!.....

He has never been a great sleeper and every attempt at establishing a routine have failed miserably - even with a routine he doesn't sleep - 1 night last week it was 1am before he FINALLY fell asleep - he doesn't nap during the day, gets up at a normal time (7.30am) eats normally (for a 4yr old) and gets plenty of stimulation through the day - he has a normal bedtime routine, quiet time, getting ready for bed, story etc but he just doesn't sleep! He also can't seem to fall asleep unless me or my hubby are in his bed with him - after he is asleep we move back into our own bed but he usually wakes up through the night and is hysterical if there is no one there with him so one of us can end up going back into his bed at 3 or 4am....by that time I really don't care about routines or rules, or anything else - I just want to go to sleep!!!..............I've had him to see GP's & Healh visitors but they have just said that some people need more sleep than others and his development is completely normal...one GP even joked that I should put his name down now to be a paper delivery boy!!

to be continued....

[silver_fox]

Unfortunately, this is having a unwanted side effect in that he is NEVER going to have a baby brother or sister at this rate coz my hubby and I never even seem to spend a full night in the same bed, let alone do anything while we're in it, also we are too knackered to anyway!!

Also, he is a quiet little boy and maybe a bit of a loner but lately, he seems to have got worse, he just seems to hate joining in with anything, he loves art & craft things, play games on the computer or play games at home but doesn't like doing anything where he has to be with other children, sometimes he seems to just want to be by himself, and loves to spend time on his own in his bedroom - even though he goes to nursery and generally interacts well with the others,his teachers have said that he plays well and talks in the group and to other kids, he even has a girlfriend!!...Even when we take him out for the day, he seems to be desperate to get back home so he is in a familiar environment with his dvds & games etc....I have invited a friend home for lunch this week to see if that helps break the nursery/home boundary he seems to have created....it sounds ridiculous but sometimes I think he deliberately decides to be miserable and determined not to enjoy himself!!!!!!!!

This all sounds really bad whe I read it back, but he is a lovely little boy, I love him more than anything and I wouldn't swap him for the world. He is affectionate, kind, funny, bright and mostly happy - please tell me it is just a phase!

Sorry this turned into such a rant - I am just soooo frustrated and would really appreciate any advice you can give!

Thanks
A xXx

[redcrx]

I have an almost 2 year old and I find that the worst night sleep he has are often when hes had no rest during the day.

Have you tried gettting him to have a nap during the day?

another one is to ensure he has plenty of fresh air. My little one goes out to play football with mummy or daddy after his tea and before his bath and bed routine. On the days he cant get out we certainly notice the difference.

Has he got his computer and games in his room? If he has then Id suggest removing them as he may not be associating his room with sleeping.

As for sitting with him til he falls asleep Id say try and stop that asap or youll be doing it forever. Its not easy but he does need to either learn to fall asleep alone or be happy in his room alone if hes awake.

[annie0000]

I am sure he is absolutely fine, have you tried to get him attached to sleeping with something else other than you or your hubby. We went through a stage with both of my boys where they were scared at night. We appointed a favoiurite soft toy as their special guardian to look after them when mum and dad weren't there - they seemed fine with this, and grew out of it. We had a little ritual when we would talk to the bear or panda and explain that we were downstairs but that if there was any problem, they could come down and get us - it seemed totally mad at the time, but it worked! A friend at work did the same with a stuffed dog - who guarded her little girls door!

All kids are different, my eldest likes to play by himself and has been known to invite friends round to occupy his little brother so that he can get peace to play with his lego alone. He also has friends at school. Why not try inviting a friend round to the park rather than home and see how he is there?

[tattoo1094]

hey silver ,
sorry to hear your not sleeping well,
may be he is anxious about some thing? the dark may be ?
i think at one stage we all cant sleep properly, but why is that? cos we have some thing on our minds.just because he is 4 doesnt mean to say that he has nt the same worries as an adult.
i know this is easy to say but try not to worry, the more stressed you get he will pick this up. keep with your routine if he still is nt sleeping then you and hubby go to the doctors and explain again your concerns. dont leave until your satisfied with an answer.
very important that you get sleep and have time to yourselves

[bensmum]

I do feel for you here. My first son also slept very little, right from when he was a small baby. He also never napped during the day and I used to be walking the streets with him sometimes in the early hours to try to get him to sleep. When he was 2 or 3 he would go to sleep around the normal time (about 8pm which was the earliest we could get him off) and then wake at around 11pm and that was it until about 5am when he would go off for a couple more hours. As he got to about 3 or 4 we would tell him stories and also leave him lots of books, puzzles etc and talking books so that if he woke in the night he could play by himself and after a while that worked. I would not leave a TV or computer in his room though. Of course when he got to about 12 or 13 he wouldn't get out of bed! Amazingly we did have another when the eldest was 5 and the second son never woke up except to eat! It will get better as your son learns how to amuse himself but it never seems like it at the time.

[MYSTERYT]

HI SILVER FOX
You poor woman i know how you are feeling had it with my son dont know if this will help ,have you tried lavender a little drop on his pillow ?
Also he will grow out of it ,but you are making a rod for yourself because he is so use to you being there when he falls to sleep that when he stirs in the night he awakes to find that mummy or daddy are not there and that is scaring him a little, you need to do the routine thing ,bath ,cuddles,into bed, the bedtime story,you then need to explain to him its time to sleep , give him a BIG kiss and come out of the room leaving the door ajar, if he comes out of the room dont say anything just put him back into bed, he will cry and kick up a stink but just dont say anything ,and keep putting back into his bed ,he will eventually fall asleep
i know it sound hard especially on a 4 year old but you need sleep as well it might take awhile perhaps a few days but after awhile he will realize and associate bed time story with sleep .
I wish you all the luck.

[levis501]

hi i had the same problem with my daughter she would sleep the doctor said i should got to a sleep class with her but by this time i had had enough and wanted answers to they gave me melatonion with everyone has in them anyway this was just the extra bit she needed to tell her brain its time to sleep now i have never looked back is great