Pulling childs ear is it wrong???????

[confused79]

There has been a bit of a arugment to say the least with my ex.
Not that i hit or abuse my children at all and never would. But once or twice my partner has pulled his son by the ear when he has ignored him or been rude, for instance, we have a naughty mat we use to sit them on if they have been rude or naughty or hit one another, if he refused to go on there he pulles him by the fat skin bit on the ear to put him on the mat.
I gather he got this method from his parents?
Do you think this is wrong and also if he does this to my children when they wont get on the mat?

[boobesque]

If he does it to his kids and they are used to it, then let him, but if anyone did that to my kids there would be hell to pay

[confused79]

Thats what has happened here, as my ex has gone mad, its not liek i 'let' him do it and it has not happened all the time. But i see what you mean.

[sleepy1]

i would go mad to !!! dont ever pull any one by the ear

[confused79]

This is what happened a lot years ago in schools isisnt it.

See my partner is young so all i think is his parents done it to him.

[B00]

I may be wrong here, but from what I gathered it's only become a problem to you because it's a problem for your ex?

could your ex be making trouble because....well he can?

Whilst I personally wouldn't drag a child around by his ears, how you and your partner chastise your children (within reason obviously) is between yourselves and shouldn't involve ex partners.

[confused79]

Yeah it has been a problem since he become involved, to be honest when and only been a handful of times they have been pulled by the ear, they laugh and think its funny, but they have mentioned it to their dad who is my ex thats why he went mad.

I dont pull them around by their ears either, i find taking things from them better, but this was used by my partner when they phsyically would not sit on the mat.

See to me my ex is saying this is a form of abuse, but i disagree! think he loves causing rows!

[sleepy1]

its not a form of abuse but i dont think he should do it ...

[B00]

then the issue here isn't ear pulling, it's issues you have with your ex.

If your current partner wasn't doing this, then your ex would find something else to 'have a go' with you about.

But....you did say that the ear pulling wasn't working, especially as the children laugh when it's happening. So maybe suggest to your boyfriend that another form of punishment may be in order? Preferably one that doesn't involve inflicting physical pain on them.

[mycats]

Well I take it your ex is the childs dad? If so he has a right to say if he thinks another guy is doing something he doesnt like.

Personally I think its a bad idea to be pulling a childs ear

[888sally888]

Suppose the thing that bothers me is that as he gets older, will your ex get rougher with your son?

When ear pulling doesnt work any more what might he do? Not trying to panic you obviously, but I think you should nip this in the bud now.

My ex pushed my daughter around once too ften and she hasnt spoken to him for over 2 years now.

[aims1202]

I think your ex has every right to be very angry about this! Your partner is obviously wanting it to hurt them so they'll do what he says, hurting children is never right and only teaches them to do the same.
There are other ways to deal with bad behaviour. Like consequences. Ignore all the little things. Praise them all the time they are not behaving badly. You need to have clear set rules of the house. If they break the rules there is a consequence, like stopping pocket money, not watching tv/playing computer games etc
Using any kind of violence, shaming and shouting will only make children angry and have low self esteem and their behaviour will be worse.

[confused79]

Thanks for your answers, i have already nipped it in the bud now anyway, i have said its not something i agree with and it hasn't happened since anyway.