wont go to bed!!!!help

[happyjo]

Hi,

I am having a nightmare with my youngest daughter. I have 3 girls aged 12 10 and 6. Never had any major bedtime issues, the odd phase but nothing like this.

My little girl has in the last 6 weeks or so, decided she hates going to bed. She screams, fakes illness and generally creates havoc. My hubby and I have tried everything, we have put a dvd on for her, promised her treats if she sleeps all week in her room etc etc.

She really tugs on the old heart strings and makes us feel really guilty. I never thought I would be so tired, she can still be having us running up and down stairs at 10-11pm.

She is normally well behaved, she enjoys school and is doing really well there.

I have noticed she has generally become very clingy to me and her dad, she is like our shadow, where ever we go, she goes!!!

Can anyone offer any advice or tips???

I would be eternally grateful!!!

Thanks
Jo

[tigwig]

Hi, I think the only way to deal with this is by being tough! Create a bedtime routine ie, bath, quiet play, story and bed and stick to the same routine every night without fail. Put your daughter to bed kiss and cuddle her and say you are leaving now and goodnight. If she gets up say no it's bedtime and put her back. The 2nd time repeat this and the 3rd time or more say nothing just keep on putting her back to bed. This will probably go on for a while at first but it's important to be strong and consistent and not give in or get engaged in any conversation or give her attention even if it is negative attention. If you stick with this I promise you it will work and when it does then get out the reward chart etc. Obviously you need to make sure she is actually tired at bedtime and has done enough physical play etc as well and goes to the toilet first aswell. Good luck!

[teddybon]

Agree with previous post, you are the adults you decide on bedtime. So far all her tantrums etc. have been rewarded with treats and DVDs, put yourself in her shoes, what will you demand next?

[happyjo]

I know ... I know..

I have 12 yrs experience with my daughters and feel silly having to ask for advice. My eldest two have always respected bed time routines and been really good sleepers, suppose it's a case of third time unlucky eh?

My little one is a complete anomoly..
I have decided to implement our new regime tomorrow.
We have discussed this with her and she looked horrified. BUT as you have said.. we are in charge and if it takes a week or so to implement then so be it, it will be worth it in the long term.
Thanks
Jo x

[cjaoh]

Hi Jo
We had similar problems before the likes of 'supernanny' came on TV, we had advice from an 'expert' and we noticed the one thing that works was praise, whenever she is good heap loads of praise, ie good girl / i am so proud, it worked wondered for us. On the flipside of this and as with the other answers you do need to tell her when its wrong, we give it the 'i'm really dissappointed, i thought you were getting a grown up girl'.
Good luck.
Keep us posted

[happyjo]

Hi cjaoh

Yes, you are completely spot on.
Last night she slept all night in her bed... this morning at 9 am!!! she woke and I hugged her and praised her for sleeping all night in her bed... she was made up...

I will make a point of giving lots of praise ....she is a good girl and sometimes the tiredness blinds you a bit...

Thanks

[kirstyjo]

Hiya, happyjo, hope your daughter sleeps well (and you lol)

Kirsty

[nellypope]

My mother always ensured that my bedroom was NEVER used as a punishment e.g "go to your room! and wait till your Father gets home", I was encouraged to spend as much time in there doing things I loved doing, making it my own refuge. Sounds like your doing it already though. However I can remember as a child being very protective over my own space and therefore sensitive to it, I think as adults we may forget this. It should be that childs personal space and not to be compromised, could be worth thinking about. ;-)

[curiosity]

Hi there, you are in the unfortunate situation of having a 6 year old who wants to be 10 or 12! Mine wants to be 14 or 15, even with dark circles around her eyes. The light nights don't help either. But I was fed up going through a bedtime routine of bath story etc at 7pm or 7.30pm or "OK then at the latest 8 O'Clock" just to find that all this enjoyable yet hopefully rewarding (with peace at the end) time, didn't work. She would continually come down the stairs for one thing or another, not necessarily whinging, but still awake, eventually probably sleeping from 10.30 -11p.m. It was stressful and counteracted the nice story etc. So we told her that she goes in the bath sometime either 7 or 7.30 at the latest, then she can go to bed for 8pm and have a story and stay in bed. Or she can come back down stairs, hang around brother/sister watch Tv or play on computer until 8.55, go upstairs," wee's and teeth" and goodnight kiss. She usually chooses the later. She doesn't move out of her bedroom, and is usually asleep by 9.05. She chooses the story option about twice a month. But don't think she misses out, cos I have to read her stories while she's in the bath! and we read at other times. Works for us. Good Luck

[curiosity]

Also, your first two are close together in age, like mine who are 15 months apart, so it was so much easier to get a routine going, I remember in the winter months they were bathed and in bed for 7pm. Now, we have "the" princess (kidding) but if the older ones are bored, they will fire her up, as well as friends at the door, on the phone, the music, the guitars etc etc, I wouldn't want to miss out either, if I were her, in fact my older sister tells me I was her! I know we have found it sometimes easier for us to let her have her fun, then other times it has felt like a pain, so to be fair to her this 9 O'Clock thing works, and is a consistent agreed rule.

[happyjo]

Hi

Thanks to all. Curiosity, are you sure you have not got my daughter hiding there at yours??? lol they sound identicle!!

I am going to get my head around what to do today...
It makes it all the more harder as school's out and we generally have a more laid back approach in the holidays.

With the weather being so bad, we have not been out as much and she is not using her energy and getting naturally tired. ( Must get her running up and down the stairs twenty times today!!!Kidding!!)

I might try the approach curiosity suggested, will see later

Thanks again everyone!!
Jo x