Attitude at 5!!

[Fee_B77]

I love my daughter dearly but it seems hormones rage early these days. She's 5 years old yet she behaves like a petulant teenager at times. She's never been a "naughty" child as such but her attitude is so grown up it's difficult to explain to her why ignoring me or rolling her eyes is "naughty" when it's not, it's simply inappropriate. I seem to be banging my head off a brick wall trying to get her to do as she's told. It seems to escalate into a full scale war then I feel awful that I've over reacted. It seems to have the desired effect. I just hate the ructions it causes but nothing seems to work. Are kids just "Like that" these days. I do count my blessings daily. She's a star 80% of the time but for the remainder it's like having an army of teenages to battle with! Aaaargh!!!

[andy-hughes]

Relax - this is perfectly normal behaviour!

Your daughter is finding her sense of self, and she learns this behaviour at school, and is trying it out to see what happens. It's pushing boundaries, and children do it up to, and increasing - adolescence, but don;t panic - you can get past this.

OK, first of all you need to set some boundaries. This is what your daughter is seeking, although she is unaware of it, so don't bother trying to explain it to her. What she wants is to find out where the lines are, so that she will feel secure. Failure to put them in will make her behaviour steadily worse.

So - when she is good make a real fuss of her, so that she knows that good behaviour pleases you. All children love approval, so encourage her with lots of praise and affection.

When she is naughty, be cold to her. Look her straight in the eye, with a stern face, and say "What you are doing is making mummy sad, I don'pt want to be with you when you are like this." and blank her. When she throws a wobbly, and she will, tel her that you will be nice again when she says sorry. Stick it out until she does, and then give her a cuddle and say that you don;t like her to be unkind, and you love her when she is good, and you can be happy together.

Stick rigidly to this formula - if you deviate you will loose - she needs to know what a nice reaction she gets to good behaviour, and that bad behaviour will not be tolerated.

Steel yourself when she cries, it will hurt you, but she will forget it in five minutes. Don;'t panic about 'damaging her - children think totally differntly from adults - you are training her to live in a family group, and she will respond if you are consistant.

Eventually, as she realises that her bad behaviour doesn;t get a reaction from you, except withdrawal, she will stop it.

ctd.

[andy-hughes]

It can be done, be firm, and ensure your husband / parther backs you totally. This is essential, or she will play you off against each other. Even if he thinks you are harsh, or you think he is, you msut present aunited from to your child, and discus it afterwards when she is out of earshot.

This system does work - I have three dauthers, I know!

Good luck.

[Fee_B77]

Cheers Andy, sounds like we're pretty much from the same school of parenting. I have done all the things you mentioned with alarming regularity. Problem being it seems like water off the proverbial duck. I almost feel like a bully, that I have to upset her before I've made my point and I can shout LOUD!! I think the boiling point we reached today has had the desired affect. She's been a dream, even folding up the dirty clothes she was putting in the basket (bless). She doesn't phase me with crying so I know that I can ride it out. I just couldn't convince myself of it today.

Thanks for your time and your input. Appreciate it

F x

[andy-hughes]

You are most welcome.

The trouble with parenting is, it's a learn-on-the-job experience, and you can often feel you are the only one who'se child does this or that - but as you know, it is more common than you think.

Hope you piled the praise on your little angel, so she gets the message that nice behaviour gets a nice reaction from mum.

A x

[tradey]

i understand how your feeling,my daughter isnt for til december and shes had this bad attitude for about 6mths now,one min shes nice as pie next shes being really nasty, shes just started nursary so im hoping she doesnt go worse,but gets better at times i could cry

[andy-hughes]

What you will find tradey is that she will be as good as gold at nursery - she will learn by example from the experienced children there - and the nursery doesn't allow for maverick displays of self-expression at this age!

That means that when she comes home, she will erupt!

Leyt her have say half an hour to re-adjust to being home, and then remind her that she has to be good for you as well, and start the doscipline routines. She has to learn that some behaviours receive punishments, and she must learn to control her temper.

It's all part of growing up, but you need to set the guidelines now, and stick with them all through her childhood.

[lou 26]

bless you fee, i know how you feel! My daughter will be 5 in December and she has exactly the same attitude. We were at a party this afternoon and shes been as good as gold until the journey home. Her friends mum gave us a lift and the girls were playing with balloons in the back of the car. Her friend hit her accidentally with the balloon and my daughter instantly said I hate you and im never playing with you again. Her little friend never uttered another word all the way home and looked really sad. I told Little Lou she had to apologise to which she said Im not saying sorry to someone who hit me on purpose. ARGH! Anyone know of any good boarding schools? lol

[Fee_B77]

wonder if they'll do a discount if we apply together!!

[JonnyBoy12]

Not a parent myself but could not help noticing you have used the big H word..Hormones. I thought that come about 7 or 8 years later than this. I remember reading an article about the onset of puberty saying that some girls start this as young as 6 and some have breasts and pubic hair by the age of 8. This is all put down to food additives and the environment. One girl I know had to wear a bra at primary school and by the time she left she had larger breasts than the teacher. Hope you do not think that this reply is alarming, but merely repeating what I have read.

On the other hand it could be normal behaviour as andy h says!