absolutely furious.

[DONNNAKEBAB]

My daughters friend who is only 8 called for her tonight to go and play at her house which is only around the corner. I do not allow my daughter who is nearly 11 to play out on her own as I think it is too dangerous. They came back around 40 minutes later to see if they could play some more at her friends next door neighbours house. I gave them an ice lolly each and off they went. My daughter wears a brace. The appointment for the consultations and first brace cost me �3 grand which I funded from part of a re-mortgage I had because the waiting list here is 3 years. Within the week she had lost the brace and it cost me another �65.00 to have it replaced. I have just found out that they actually didnt go to her friends house but to the park which is a no go, NOT IN THIS LIFETIME alone ! There she lost the brace. Not only am I fuming about this because it is the second one she has now had but the fact that she went to the park knowing that she is not allowed to go there without me.

My daughter, whilst very intelligent is a scatter brain - or does she actually take things for flipping granted? I am a single parent, and work full time, pay 3 mortgages on my own and get very little help from her father, my ex husband. I am exhausted and I have also started car booting at the weekend to pay for her spending money for a trip to the US and cruise that we are going on later in the year. The stuff she loses is incredible, right from coats, to school cardigans, sports wear and so on, even her glasses. I have asked her time and time and time again NOT to fall asleep in them but she continues to do so. I find this so flipping defiant and wonder where she thinks I get the money from.

I would really appreciate any advice any Mum can give me on these matters, I am just about at my wits end.

Katie. x

[Ice.Maiden]

I wonder where you get the money from as well, Katie!!! That's not meant to sound harsh, but it seems that if you can afford 3 mortgages on your own, a cruise, holiday to the US, three GRAND for dental work - and then go out to do car boots.....you're some amazing person! Perhaps you'd be better off cutting down on the work - and luxeries. Your daughter needs more of your time, not just being spoilt by material things, and that's maybe why she takes things for granted, or "plays up". You're right about not wanting her to go to the park and so on, but are you always around to take her to safer places - such as swimming, ballet lessons - whatever? Finally - does she get to bed at a reasonable hour? Her tiredness must come from lack of sleep. I hope you get this sorted out, but your own weariness is understandable with everything you're trying to do. Slow down a bit - xx.

[bananie]

I know from bitter experience that giving a child/children everything does not help in the long run. They take everything for granted, they know the price of everything and the value of nothing! I am a single parent of twins who are 19 and still do not appreciate anything because everything is replaceable (my fault entirely). Maybe you should teach her to save money for the things she wants and stop buying her everything. It is a hard thing to do but I think it will be worth it if she can appreciate what she has and that she got it through her own efforts. I used to hate it when people said I was giving them everything because I didn't want them to miss out on all the things that their friends had, but making them work for it will help in the long run.

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Thank you so much you two, for valuable advice. I appreciate it to the full ! You e right Ice, Im so knackered and will take your advice on board to the hilt. I am slowly beginning to realise that I cant be and I am not flipping Superwoman but my mortgages are expensive. One house pays for the mortgage on the one we live in which is expensive (via Tenant) the other mortgage is one I got to do up this one and the other and pay for the dental work for Tilly because I didnt want her waiting for 3 years ! It was also to pay for the Gastric Band that I had last year because I was 14 stones overweight with terrible back problems. The rented house is also safety money to be fair in the event that I ever came out of work so I would be able to pay to keep this roof over our heads. Bananie. You're right, everything is replaceable. When I was growing up, we had very little, there were 3 children. My Dad has always worked full time as a Builder and still does even though he is now nearly 70 and has cancer. My Mum always worked full time and now, thank the Lord they are comfortable. Having little made me appreciate the things I have been able to achieve through working for them myself. Lord, we had holidays to Pontins and such like although never anything exotic such as cruises, trips to Manhattan or the Bahamas ! When I finally got to Florida when I was 23, I fully appreciated it because I had paid for it myself. But how..................do I say no to her, when she is my everything.That is my question?

Indeed, I will stop buying the material things that are replacable so easily because I work so hard, but by working so hard, I am too weary in fact to kick off when Tilly loses something so I just buy it again. I WILL chop it down and make sure she gets those early nights. (Some nights I am that tired, that I go to bed or fall asleep - My fault entirely. I am taking your advice fully on board and would appreciate any other advice anyone can

[tigwig]

I agree with the other posts about cutting down on material things. I have read lots of your threads and you seem to be a really kind and lovely person but some of the things you have said before made me think you were really spoiling your daughter. ( this was from other threads) I couldn't help but think you were doing this to make up for other things maybe because the guilt you feel from working full time can be replaced by buying your daughter anything she wants? I think the answer is to sit your daughter down for a chat and say things are going to change now slightly and explain how difficult it is to find money to buy things and in future if things are lost then they will have to be paid for out of pocket money. It is probably a good idea to encourage your daughter to have a savings account of her own as well and teach her the importance of saving money. Let her know how much things cost and cut down on the unneccessary luxuries. If you don't learn how to say no now then she is going to grow up with a bit of a misguided approach to money. She will not love you any less for being firm, she might not like it at first but the most important thing you can give her is your love and attention and doing things together that often don't involve spending alot of money. Sorry for going on a bit and hope my answer hasn't offended you its just my opinion. Good luck!

[DONNNAKEBAB]

tig wig. Your answers have not offended me in any way, shape, form or manner and I am very grateful for them. You are right, I do these things for my love for her and out of the feeling of guilt because I work so hard ! Its naff and I dont know where to start ! I will start with the communication bit and explain why I got frustrated about her not being in the place where she said she was going to be. The park at 7pm when there are lots of teenagers etc is a scary place to be at the very least.

If you can think of anything else whereby I can change things slightly I will be over the moon to receive your advice and anyone elses come to that.

Thank you to you and everyone else who has posted on this issue.

Grateful as ever.

katie. x

[tigwig]

Katie I am glad I haven't offended you! Some people don't like hearing others opinions even when asking for them. I agree that the park at that age isn't really a good idea. Perhaps you could compromise and allow her to go there for an hour in the afternoon? Just keep talking to her, show her respect and treat her as adult as you can do and hopefully she will do the same back. Good luck xxx

[DONNNAKEBAB]

thanks again tigwig. I appreciate it and love your advice. It makes me know that I am not alone with these feelings.

I hope your party goes fab by the way.

I dont know if you read my other thread but with time .................................we found the brace !

There is a god. !

Love and Hugs katie. x

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Legend. Did I EVER once say that the brace was 3 grand a week. No ! This is a parenting site and I asked for opinions, why are you following a parenting site re children I ask ?

Now Fcuk Off ! You are grinding on my last nerve now ! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE and it is a pity that you fool others into your own beleifs that you are not !

What does your PO say ?

Cant accept the truth Legend.? What is it again that you do for a living now you are at liberty to do so.

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Got a life Legend ? Well that's Legendary coming from you and thats what YOU should have got - LIFE !

I am sure as hell that I wont be taking my computer on MY holiday with me.

PMPL ! you are a joke !