Smacking children

[RavenD]

I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old both whom I smack.
( lightly on the back of the legs and when they are having hissy fits ). They are very pleasant, intelligent and loving children when I look after them.
But when my wife looks after them she does not smack them and does not really discipline them and they suddenly become rowdy, noisy and very naughty.
I very rarely smack my children now as I just have to change the tone of my voice and they now they are in trouble and they stop being naughty.
I just wanted peoples thoughts on this controversial issue.

[Doc.Spock.1]

Lack of discipline at school has a tremendous amount to answer for.

We are now breeding children who believe themselves to be invincible.

[cazzz1975]

I think palming kids off to this club and that childminder have probably created the generation of children who are unruly, coupled with parents who work long hours, the materialistic attitude of today, not to mention the stuff that parents buy their kids because they feel guilty for not spending any time at home.

parents are tired, overworked and stressed out and often are to tired to do things with their kids so let the kids get away with bad behaviour. kids often play up just to get some attention from the parent as well.

Of course Im not implying this is the reason, it is merely my opinion, I dont believe the cessation of smacking has created this, some people go bad ways even though they have grown up being smacked.

the nanny state where everyone can be sued and stupidity is rewarded with compensation makes people feel that they can do anything, this applies in schools where teachers have to tread carefully when repremanding children.

Its not one thing that has caused this its a mixture

[B00]

Yes I smack my daughter if she's naughty. I personally don't care whether other people consider this abuse or not. She's my child and is being taught right from wrong.

I dont believe in the idea that we have a nation of yobs because they were smacked by their parents. We have a nation of yobs because they are not taught, by their parents, respect for society or themselves.

[cazzz1975]

yes that is my point, I dont think smacking/not smacking changes the outcome of the childs future , its a personal choice if you choose to smack your child, Its my personal choice not too.

[sleepyj]

i have smacked both my boys just a light smack not very often ..if i smacked them now think they would smack me back ..lol noknow u need a good smack in gob lol

[lozzylou]

what i dont get is, if one of your children smack there siblings, you go and smack them for doing it, but in a childs eyes why is it ok for mummy to smack me when i cant smack other people

my point is, by smacking your child you are teaching them that it is ok to smack

[meltoadhall]

yes i smack my children, not so much now as they are older 9, 11 and 13 - but a swipe when needed has never hurt them and they are for the most, polite, well behaved children who I am proud to take anywhere.

I now use withdrawal of priveleges to get my point across, but I do not have a problem with a smack now and then.

You have to be united on how you bring up your children.

[zzxxee]

i dont think a tap on the hand or a single slap on the bum after being warned does any harm its just harmful when its the parent having to smack a child when their temper gets the better of them thats when i would worry

[glenis]

smack them and discipline them and they will grow up to show respect , Raven i am with you 100% .lack of parental control is the reason why todays teenagers are the way they are today ,cheeky ,arrogant ,with no respect for them selves or others , how many teenagers have died so far this year ? 29? 30? there is a world of difference between chid abuse and harming a child and smacking on the backs of their legs or hands

[RavenD]

at last some common sense answers :)

[curiosity]

well Raven I have read all the posts and started to feel as frustrated as you probably did at one point, some people just don't get it. You are not saying here that you believe children should be physically hit to get the message through. And you obviously, like most of us want your children to be good all round nice members of society & safe sensible people. How you teach them that on occasion means that they are slapped on the back of the legs. NOT as we see in some supermarkets/carparks being beaten around the head and dragged a fair distance for being reasonably inquisitive and bored! that's not on, and I can tell from your post that you agree with me. People who confuse the two like many here are simply not thinking it through. In my opinion a slap on these occasions is not done to cause pain, it's done to set an immediate boundry that is not to be crossed. It is regretted, but in my view effective, it is not often a well thought through how can I PUNISH my child? which I feel is more concerning and cruel, including the use of the naughty step, I find to exclude someone intentionally is cruel and goes against everything that we teach in terms of diversity. I also beieve that it leads to passive aggression, again in my view more harmful than any actual aggression some people here fear a slap on the legs will encourage in later life, I know far more passively aggressive people and bullies who use the exclusion technique, than physically violent people, who may or may not be products of the abusing parents I mentioned in the supermarket scenario.

[curiosity]

Not that it matters but you have my vote, me and my sisters still laugh today about how our Dad only had to bite his lip in a certain way and we knew we were crossing the line! And he was and still is in no way a bad father. Kids need a sense of containment to develop securely and happy and they find that security by pushing boundries, and will keep pushing until there is one. An over a done with slap on the leg is a boundry, Not one in my view that instills fear and isolation, loneliness and insecurity.

[Ice.Maiden]

I'm in the same position as Cazzz, with an autistic child and another who had borderline ADHD until he was 7.
I don't smack my children, and they're very well-behaved and pleasant. I lead by example, and it seems to work.

[curiosity]

I don't think it's an either or situation, as parents we all lead by example, if the example being set is that your mother or father can slap you on the legs to improve your behaviour at a particular point in time then thats the example you are setting, that when they grow up and have kids then as a mother or father they can slap there kids on the back of the legs to improve behaviour, the example being set is not that violence is OK which some people seem to think.

[Ice.Maiden]

I have absolutely no disrespect against parents who see fit to give their children a slight tap on the hand or the back of their legs to pull them up about something - if that's how they see fit to bring their children up. I was just making a comment about my own, and agreeing with cazzz. It's the same with using good manners, and teaching your children from a young age to respect others. Start as you mean to go on, and they don't go far wrong.

[trt]

I have 4 kids all grown up with good jobs.

They have never been in trouble or brought shame to the Family, and never been in trouble with the police etc.

They respect me and their Mother, and YES they used to get a hard slap when they were naughty as kids.

That's why the kids are out of control today, you are not allowed to punish them as you want too, and most of the parents couldn't care less..

[terambulan]

I'm gonna beat up my middle son.......he's a bucking pest.....left his gf as he doesn't want to be dad to her teenagers AND left the ferrets with her! Think that warrents and heavy bashing? To top it, he brings back his biker friends...again, with their heavy boots around my fire, raiding my fridge, my 'war-cupboard' (tinned foods) empty and the cooker & sink left filthy! That warrants a thrashing.....and that's not the end, one of his mates wants to move into the caravan with a gf so out go my cables/water pipes & heaters........Spare the rod? LIKE HELL!

[trt]

Should we take your post serious terambulan, or should you have smacked your kids in their younger days?

[terambulan]

trt....trouble is kids stay kids even when they're 30ish.

[badlad.biz]

It all depends on how one uses smacking and the child thats being hit.
Its natural learning for a child to test the boundaries of life, so its going to misbehave at some time or other just the see how far it can go.
Personally, I see no harm at smacking a child to snap it out of a tantrum or misbehaving, but to continually have to do it serves no usefull purpose and shows a bad parental relationship with the child.
If the parent lashes out in temper thats a totally different ballgame. I could see this as causing even worse behaviour, as is controlling by fear.