explaining something to your children

[2nosey]

i would like to know how parents explain something to thier children when the ask the meaning of something like: good or bad. do you use examples? i was asked to explain something to a friend in a way a child say 5 would understand in college today and i found it a little hard. thank you

[zgma]

I think the ability to do this really develops for parents as their child grows up. What I mean is, I would have a hard time trying to explain a difficult concept with a hypothetical child. But I know my son's level of understanding (not very high right now, as he's 2), and I have a fairly good sense of what he really wants to know, out of the whole range of possible answers to questions like that. The concepts of good and bad are actually fairly easy to explain. For my 2-year-old, I would be explaining it within the context of something ... I wouldn't just be explaining it out of the blue. So I might say: I don't like that you threw the book at me. That hurt me when you threw it, and it's bad to do something that hurts people. Or: Thank you for putting your toy away - it's very good and polite to clean up after yourself. The concrete concepts of good and bad are easy to get clear, and talking about good and bad consequences of actions seems to be pretty effective. My son, even at age 2, can really relate to experiential information like that, but doesn't understand explanations that don't relate to things he experiences. I don't know how it will be to have to explain more ambiguous concepts, since my son is so young, but it seems that the longer I am a parent, the clearer this sort of thing seems to me.

[2nosey]

thankyou for your answer. it was very helpful!

[Lindy Loo]

As zgma said it's much easier to indicate the difference between good and bad in context. I found with my sons, the best way was to 'chat' to them, 'that was an unkind thing to do because...', 'that wasn't a nice thing to say to ....', 'Thank you for putting your toys away', 'It was really nice to see you sharing your sweets', 'it was really good of you to help....in the playground today'. At 5yrs, children can understand many things, and have an uncanny way of understanding somethings you rather they didn't!!

[Fish the Mod]

The other day my daughter asked me about sex and why does it take 2. My God, I was dreading this day and for about 20 minutes, I spoke about the birds and the bees. I was honest in my full explaination and proud of my detailed talk. She then said, I didnt want to know all that, just Mum said tell Dad his dinner is ready in two Secs.

 

Sorry, I though you might like cheering up

[Kingaroo]

When my son was two he'd ask me a lot of questions like "why is that our driveway?" I'd labor over what he meant -- why is this particular strip of concrete considered ours? why is it called a driveway? Why is it ours, but the one nearby is the neighbor's? I tended to go on at length explaining what I thought he might want to know. Eventually I just interpreted all such questions as "Let's talk about the driveway," and I'd say a little something, then ask him a question. It became a dialog, more interesting to both of us.

[zgma]

Fish the Mod, that is so funny! I'm going to bookmark this page and read that whenever I need a laugh. Hey Kingaroo, that makes a lot of sense to me. My son does tend to mention things just like that - he'll ask funny and confusing questions, and really will just want to engage me in conversation about something. One piece of advice about this that I've heard a lot is to just say something very simple in response to a tough question, and if the child wants to know more, they will ask.